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Olympic gold-medal-winning diver Tom Daley has been talking about parenthood this week. He and his husband, screenwriter and producer Dustin Lance Black, are dads to three-year-old Robert Ray Black-Daley, who was born with the aid of a gestational surrogate.
Daley, 27, talked with Giovanna Fletcher on her Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast about their decision to use a surrogate.
Daley lost his father, Rob, to a brain tumor in 2011, and Black, 47, lost his mother in 2014.
“Lance and I […] had lost so many people in our families and there was something about surrogacy that we were drawn to that just meant that we could pass on the people that we’d lost, their genes and their thoughts, their feelings, their personalities and being able to bring someone into the world, that felt so extremely special.”
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Daley also talked about the challenges he and Black faced, as a gay couple, to become parents.
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“Once I started to realize that I was gay, it was like, how am I going to have children in the future? What does this look like for me? What are the options?
“Having to figure out exactly how that was going to work, looking down the routes of adoption, surrogacy and all of those different things.
“It is a lot more complicated for same-sex parents to have children and you have to really think about it and like really, really want to have kids in order to be able to make it work and it’s extremely complex for same-sex couples in a number of different ways.”
Related: Tom Daley shares series of thirst traps for a good cause
He said his close relationship with his own father had motivated him to want to experience the same thing with a child of his own.
“For as long as I could remember, I have wanted to be a parent. […] I think because of the relationship with my mum and dad, we were so close.
“Then, when I lost my dad, it was like, I want to be everything that he was to me to someone else because every child deserves to have what I had with my dad because it was such a special relationship, we were so close.”
Daley met Black in early 2013. They married in 2017 and recently celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary.
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Robbie arrived in 2018, and they’ve indicated they are interested in extending their family further.
Daley says that he feels there is “extra pressure” on same-sex couples to prove themselves as good parents.
“Being same-sex dads, I felt a lot of extra pressure to be good parents and to be doing the right thing.
“You do always feel a bit judged when you’re out in public because you want to be showing that you’re doing the best you possibly can, and I think it can be weird sometimes for people to see two dads and a baby.
“We always felt like we had to be the best parents that we could ever be and do all of the right things, we were desperate to be parents just like everybody else.
“It was that constant feeling of having to prove ourselves above and beyond.”
Related: Dustin reveals what he’d do if he swapped bodies with husband Tom Daley for a day
He also revealed the family, who are based in London, are still in touch with their surrogate.
“There are no words to describe how grateful you can be to someone our surrogate is so special, we speak to her all the time on Facetime with Robbie.”
These sentiments echo comments Black made in an interview with The Guardian in 2018, when he said, “I would say – this is not scientific, but close – what happened to us is what happens to 99% of people: you fall desperately, deeply in love with your surrogate … We talk daily, we send pictures, not just about him, about anything.”
Mister P
Nothing against them I am happy for their family, but I wish affluent gay couples would adopt babies already born.
smittoons
Yeah. The unspoken reason why they opted for surrogacy? Because they could afford to.
Not that adopting is cheap either. But according to the Republicans giddily working to decimate Roe v Wade, we don’t have enough orphans to go around anymore and need a steady supply of product to keep the shelves stocked.
white-queer-african
@Mister P, totally agreed. We have adopted. A baby boy when he was 2 days old. Came to us by sheer change after having waited for years. We are so blessed having him. In little less then 5 months he will be 11 years old. BTW. I am happy for Tom and Dustin and all other same-sex couples that have either adopted or used surrogacy.
Max
can’t fault them for wanting children through surrogacy. that child has something most (not all) adopted children won’t have: a genetic connection to their gay parents.
THAT Steve
You’re totally ignoirng his statements about the loss of parents in their lives being a deciding factor in choosing surrogacy to push your own narratives.Yes, they could have used their mney to fast track an adoption but it didn’t suit their emotional need. Besides, if surrogacy is a viable option, who wouldn’t do it or lat least seriously consider it?
inbama
Belgian doctors say they’ll be transplanting wombs in ten years, so if Tom’s patient, he won’t need a surrogate for the second one.
white-queer-african
TROLL! Belonging to the anti-truth cult?
wimo
In Belgium, never heart a thing of this, and I’m living in Belgium and i read five newspapers a day.
inbama
@wimo
Can’t find the article about the Belgian doctor I read about 2 weeks ago, but you can read about Dr. Narendra Kaushik at the Olmec Transgender Surgery Institute in India who’s raring to go at advocate dot com
There’s a three year old interview with British plastic surgeon, Dr. Christopher Inglefield, about the cost of transplanting uteruses in men at bioethicsobservatory dot org
Once again, I have presented facts and have been insulted by the sociopath “white-queer-african” who never says ANYTHING worthwhile but trolls and attacks people.
white-queer-african
@inbama, I need to go on my knees and redeem myself. I was wrong and confused you with a troll of note! My husband pointed this out to me earlier on this evening. I apologize for getting it wrong. You are clearly an alley. When I am wrong I will stand up and say I was wrong and ask for forgiveness. I f*cked up Bigly. I will repeat my apology to you when you post on a newer article.
My passion for gay rights and the truth sometimes does overwhelm me. But lets together keep on fighting.
inbama
@white-queer-african
Truce.
Glad to hear you are married. It helps.
Polaro
From which woman are they going to harvest the womb from? If you think surrogacy is a problem…
Fahd
I think celebrities should be cautious about opining on surrogacy vs. adoption.
To me, there’s often an element of exploiting some woman’s economic circumstances involved in the surrogacy process. And gee, the world is already so overpopulated with so many needy children.
On the other hand, I have known outstanding people who have adopted and have found themselves with a great deal of unanticipated financial and personal responsibilities because their adoptees happen to have had developmental disabilities or inherited mental health problems.
I’m a fan of the couple here, but I think they should be more cautious in advocating surrogacy. Maybe they feel guilty or are worried they’ll be judged because they didn’t go the adoption route.
Having children is an important decision that should be carefully considered.
Steve9999
Because they’re too busy living their “Look at me! Look at me! lives.”
I genuinely appreciate, admire, applaud and respect their individual talents and accomplishments, but the phrase “social media whores” most certainly applies here.
Surely Queerty can feature the thousands of other gay couples that are doing wonderful things rather than these two…EVERY….FREAKIN’…WEEK. You’re feeding into their insatiable desire to be seen and it’s become annoying AF….it’s always, “Not those two….AGAIN.”
flim
there hasn’t been an article on either of them since February when queerty decided to cover tom daley doing a quadrathalon for charity by saying he was sharing a series of thirst traps for a good cause, they have been ignoring everything both of them have won/ done creatively for their careers mainly, and as for the ‘social media whores’ part tom agreed to go on a podcast to share him talking about being a gay dad/ surrogacy for a wider UK audience which ended up going on all the right wing tabloid sites/ eventually here, also they do not share their sons face /are way more private about their child in general than so many famous straight couples but also its their life and if they want to post about it they can its not their fault if random sites end up covering
Polaro
You’re quite sour.
ccchanges
@flim you sound obsessed, take some breaths
ryepie2222
“It is a lot more complicated for same-sex parents to have children and you have to really think about it and like really, really want to have kids in order to be able to make it work and it’s extremely complex for same-sex couples in a number of different ways.”
Yes, he’s correct.
However, he’s not a normal gay in any respect and neither is his husband. They’re affluent celebrities that have anything and everything and can get anything and everything at the drop of a hat.
Queerty – why not do an article on NON celebrity gay surrogacy?
Polaro
People really should mind their own opinions on other peoples’ reproductive choices from abortion to surrogacy. The hypocrisy is ripe.