The Democratic conspiracy came to life Sunday at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas. When Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes found receiver Mecole Hardman in the end zone for the Super Bowl-winning touchdown in overtime, the throw resulted in more than the Chiefs’ third Lombardi Trophy in five seasons.
It was the culmination of an intricate, covert plot to keep Joe Biden in the White House.
The proof is in the Dark Brandon meme.
How about we take this to the next level?
Subscribe to our newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
For the blissfully unaware, homophobes were outraged when the Chiefs earned another trip to the Super Bowl, largely because of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift’s relationship. You see, Kelce, one of the greatest tight ends to ever play, is MAGA’s least favorite NFL star. The nine-time Pro Bowler starred in commercials for Pfizer and Anheuser-Busch last year, which apparently makes him Che Guevara.
Beer and vaccines are notorious left-wing causes, after all…
With Swift appearing on screen for an average of 35 seconds per game (though it was more Sunday), outraged right-wingers conjured up absurd conspiracies about her presence at NFL games. One of the prevailing theories was that Swift secretly works for the CIA, and was sent to brainwash Americans on behalf of the surveillance state to re-elect Biden.
Or something like that.
Already the biggest pop star in the world, T-Swift overtook the NFL last season. She generated an equivalent brand value of $331.5 million for the league, and helped the NFL record its highest regular-season viewership among women since it began tracking in 2000.
We’re willing to bet those numbers look similar for gay men!
Swift’s presence was immediately felt Sunday. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who boasted about Swift’s fandom in the lead-up to the big game, approached the “Bad Blood” singer prior to kick-off.
Their conversation was top secret. Swift is a CIA asset, remember?!
For a stretch this season, it looked like the Chiefs were going to put up an uninspiring Super Bowl title defense. They stumbled down the stretch, even losing a Christmas Day matchup to the lowly Las Vegas Raiders.
Kelce also stumbled, finishing with less than 1,000 receiving yards for the first time since 2015 (he was just short at 984).
The right-wing reactionaries started celebrating prematurely.
“The Chiefs are not a good football team and Travis Kelce looks like he should retire,” wrote OutKick sports founder Clay Travis. “He’s been worthless the last seven or eight weeks. The double worthless Pfizer shots may have caught up with him. Either that or Taylor Swift is the Chiefs Yoko Ono. Maybe both.”
That take didn’t age well, huh?
Kelce was instrumental in the Chiefs’ comeback performance. He led the team with nine catches and 93 yards, including multiple key receptions in the fourth quarter and overtime.
While Kelce did bump Chiefs head coach Andy Reid during a heated moment in the first half, the NFL’s all-time playoff reception leader was in great spirits after the win.
It’s not every day you deceive millions of Americans into voting for a fascist, communist dictator!
Sure, Kelce and Swift look like any happy couple.
But what are they really smiling about?
The party for America’s most famous duplicitous couple continued into the wee hours of the morning. These two must really be committed to the charade, huh?
They were dancing to all the hits, including “Love Story” and “You Belong With Me.”
The jig appears to be up on maybe the stupidest conspiracy in recent memory (quite a distinction)! At this point, even the MAGA crowd is giving the Chiefs props.
“What a game,” posted Travis. “Mahomes is his generation’s Tom Brady. The only question now is how many Super Bowl titles does he end up with.”
There does appear to be one sore loser, however (per usual)…
We’re sure the message will get passed along.
Discover more
dbmcvey
There is not a conspiracy theory so insane, so stupid, that conservatives won’t believe it.
RIGay
It’s not the conservatives, it’s the moron MAGAt’s who THRIVE on this nonsense.
abfab
They’ve got nothing better to do. This sort of white trash are nothing more than irritating little twits. Empty lives.
bachy
Willfully stupid.
Baron Wiseman
This was posted at 10:50pm. About 5 hours after Joe is tucked into bed by the nurses. I wonder which intern posted this?
abfab
Barron Wiseman….you are a bed-pan and a colostomy bag all wrapped into one.
Mister P
Finally we will rule the world.
Mandatory gender reassignment surgery for everyone.
abfab
Good one.
whereshouldistart
OMFG!!!
I won’t have to sit when I pee anymore?
WooooHooooo!!!!
Chrisk
It’s amazing. She never promoted one party over the other in the beginning. Just wanted to get more people to vote. Of course to the Rethugs getting more people voting and especially young people makes you their enemy.
I also think they feel betrayed since they thought of her as one of them.
abfab
I hope she’s careful. One wrong move and he will beat the living shit out of her. Rage/football/jealousy.
This is all staged but one never knows and I hate to think the worst…..
bachy
If she does anything, it will probably be very creative and thoughtful.
abfab
Like this relationship? I hope he’s ready for heartache……..
bachy
Honestly, I just don’t see them together for long. TS is no WAG, sweetie.
abfab
CRINGE! That after party was a PR fiasco. ”Bring your parents”! Run, Taylor! Cut your losses ya big mess!
Fahd
The Ayatollah Komplaini already has lost the educated woman vote. He can’t possibly win if he doesn’t regain some of that and maintain his poorly educated (less well educated?) woman vote. That’s where Taylor comes in, of course. Go Taylor, Go!
I know it’s Queerty, but when Mr. Reimer writes, “For a stretch this season, it looked like the Chiefs were going to put up an uninspiring Super Bowl title defense. They stumbled down the stretch, even losing a Christmas Day matchup to the lowly Las Vegas Raiders.”, it suggests that the Chiefs were automatically going to be in the Super Bowl. It was only through their winning performance during the playoffs that they became eligible to participate in the Super Bowl. Had they continued with their lackluster performance during the playoffs, they wouldn’t have been in the Super Bowl. I’m sure Alex knows this.
Again, so glad that Taylor is so ungrateful to Eric’s father, and I hope you sticks to the plan through election day.
Jim
Is Taylor ignoring the red flag when Kelce was aggressive with his coach?
abfab
Nothing gets ignored. She is a Major Corporation. I think he’s a little man with a shelf life of about 90 days. Poor Taylor. To have to watch her own back like this….stalkers, death threats, it’s just awful.
She’s got body guards but who’s gonna gaurd her from this strange alpha male/hillbilly/god-awful fashion disaster?
Baron Wiseman
Biden Ends 2023 With A 39% Job Approval
Just like we drew it up.
abfab
Let us know when you end.
redzebra1
They complain they can’t get work. Yet they spend SO MUCH TIME on social media. And ranting this sort of rubbish!