Vatican No Longer An Obama Fan, Condemns Gay Marriage Advances

After marriage equality wins in the US, Spain and France last week, The Vatican can just smell the pungent stench of fire and brimstone. Over the weekend, the Holy See took to the media in an attempt to stomp out the flames of hell from devouring us all with two separate editorials reaffirming their opposition to same-sex marriage.

“One might say the church, at least on this front, has been defeated,” claimed a front page article in The Vatican’s newspaper,  L’Osservatore Romano. “But that’s not the case.”

According to The AP:

The article insisted that Catholics were putting up a valiant fight to uphold church teaching in the face of “politically correct ideologies invading every culture of the world” that are backed by institutions like the United Nations, which last year passed a non-binding resolution condemning anti-gay discrimination.

“The church is called to present itself as the lone critic of modernity, the only check … to the breakup of the anthropological structures on which human society was founded,” it said.

Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi took to Vatican Radio (playing the latest and greatest in Papal pop), saying that gays can have their rights, just as long as it’s not called marriage – you know, that whole separate but equal thing that worked out so well in the past.

Lombardi sarcastically suggested that the next step would be polygamy and polyandry, but he deserves his tens for showing restraint in not suggesting bestiality, since that argument so often comes in for a landing there.

The Vatican, too, observed the US election with rapt attention, though the honeymoon between Pope Benedict XVI and President Obama is officially over. The Obama administration and US bishops had a falling out over the President’s endorsement of gay marriage and an Obamacare mandate requiring nearly all US healthcare plans to cover contraception.

Whereas in 2008, the Pope heralded Obama’s election as an “historic occasion” and sent him a rare personal note of congratulations, this time around His Holiness simply gave him a tip of that giant, pointy hat, while praying that the, or at least The Vatican’s, ideals of freedom and justice continue to be upheld.