Wake up, F*&ckers! Vote by Tuesday as if your life depends on it because it does!

Don’t believe the polls, everyone.

They traditionally size up which candidate people plan to vote for, but they never factor in the effect of voter fraud. Polls don’t reflect all the absentee ballots that won’t arrive, the filed ballots that might mysteriously disappear, or the reduced number of sorting machines, mailboxes, drop off sites, and polling places–so often in black areas, interestingly enough.

As a result, polls can be seductive and so can predictions, they lull us into a sense of complacency. A couple of weeks ago, when even fake-news peddler Rupert Murdoch swore that Biden/Harris will win in a landslide, I had to wonder about his motivation. Call me cynical, but it seems like Murdoch and his ilk are pushing this scenario because they would love us to feel overly confident and just stay home next Tuesday.

Well, that’s obviously not working, since record-breaking numbers of people have packed a sandwich and some anti-anxiety pills and lined up for hours to vote early, sometimes waiting for hours just to vote out Trump.

The only reason a lot of people are staying home Tuesday is that they’ve already voted! As of Friday, over 85 million ballots had already been cast, comprising more than half the complete total of votes four years ago. This is astounding and inspiring, especially since it seems like the desperate rush to oust Donald Trump is what’s behind this deafening explosion of democracy.

People who used to sit home and not care all that much suddenly care as if their lives depended on it. A lot of those who sat it out last time or voted for Jill Stein because Hillary lacked a certain, I don’t know, “likability,” are now turning out in droves to have their voices heard and make sure we don’t repeat the 2016 fiasco. And this is extra gratifying because we’re going to have to care in huge numbers in order to offset all the voter suppression the Republicans are shamelessly attempting. Again: Don’t believe the polls.

The other day, I made a point of voting early, waiting in an even longer line than at Trader Joe’s, just to make sure I put my two cents in as a concerned citizen. Even though New York State will surely go for Joe Biden, I want the numbers here to be staggering—a massive display of contempt for the base theatrics and gross politicizing of the Trump administration, which has immeasurably damaged us as individuals and as a country.

Related: What’s next for Tiger King Kingpin and Trump-loving drag queen?

The showdown between Trump and Biden has been described by some pundits as the most important Presidential election in American history, and I do believe it is, so I’m calling on anyone who hasn’t done so yet to go and exorcise this demon so we can finally put this communal nightmare to rest. (And don’t vote for Kanye either.)

A second term for Trump would mean four more years of lying, treason, bigotry, and projecting, all eagerly supported by his soulless lackeys. (We’ve got to win the Senate too. Let’s go for broke!)

Biden may not be the answer to all your prayers, but anyone claiming that he and Trump are pretty much the same is as deluded as the MAGAts are.

A few pronounced differences:

  • Biden knows that Covid is a devastating crisis and must be paid attention to, based on information, not fantasies. Trump finds the whole thing an inconvenience and from the beginning has tried to make it go away just by claiming it’s gone. What’s more, his reckless gatherings have helped the White House practically become the epicenter of the pandemic. He doesn’t even seem to care if his own followers and underlings get sick—and we’re getting so jaded we’re starting to feel the same way.
  • Similarly, Biden is well aware that climate change is a real problem that needs to be urgently addressed, whereas Trump feels it’s a joke and people just need to rake their forests.
  • Trump is deeply racist, warning us against Mexican rapists and Muslims, encouraging white supremacists, and assuring suburban housewives that he’s made their neighborhoods “safe.” (Code for “white.”)
  • Biden’s done and said some lousy things in the past, but compared to Trump, he’s a beacon of equality and he repeatedly condemns the killing of black people by police brutality. He’s a decent guy.
  • Trump openly incites violence with his divisive rhetoric. Biden is unequivocally against that tactic and preaches justice and healing, which are drastically needed right now. Also, Trump enjoys nothing more than spitting on blue states, even if people die as a result. Biden wants to be the President of all the states—imagine that?
  • Internationally, Trump has made us a third-class joke. We are now seen as a bargain-basement country full of shady allegiances and absurd resentments—and the more he brags about how great we’re doing, the more hollow it feels. His continual elevation of conspiracies, falsehoods, and propaganda have whittled away at our integrity on a grand scale.
  • With almost as many sexual accusations against him as against Harvey Weinstein, Trump would hardly seem to be in a position to judge anyone else’s sex life. But he has viciously taken away many of the LGBTQ protections put in by Obama/Biden, all while throwing “Yay gay” rallies that are about as heartwarming as a “Roaches for Raid” circuit party would be. His demonization of trans people has been particularly random and cruel, leading to a horrifying uptick in violence against them. In the process, Trump has put in Supreme Court judges that are under-qualified and deeply bigoted. Trump’s costar in this whole mess, Mike Pence, is a bible-toting hater and hypocrite. If Pence really believed that every word of the bible was to be taken literally as a guidebook for how to live in 2020, he’d be scorning Trump, who’s shamelessly broken most of the Ten Commandments.
  • Biden, by the way, is pro-LGBTQ and actually backs up what he says. Obama/Biden put in the Affordable Care Act, which Trump is, naturally, angling to dismantle. Trump is obsessively against anything Obama did, as well as anything that aims to protect the needy.
  • If you’re gay, but don’t just vote your sexuality, I’d have to wonder what else you get from being for Trump. Validation of your distaste for people of color, the media, women, immigrants, and science? If you’re rich and don’t want to pay taxes over $400,000, does that eclipse the fact that your right to happily exist (as well as those of your brothers and sisters) are on the line on a daily basis? And if you’re so thrilled about the economy, I’d ask you to look out the window and see all the unemployed folk who are scrounging to stay alive, all happening in Trump’s America. The stock market is lovely—if you have stocks—but does that really make up for all the horrible stuff you’re enabling by approving four more years of a bullying, selfish, grifting, criminal tyrant? And don’t you realize that Democrats traditionally have to step in and fix the tatters of the Republican economy? (That’s exactly what Obama/Biden had to do the last time it crashed)
  • If you’re clinging to a deep-seated anti-Biden resentment because you’re a Bernie-or-nobody voter, well, I like Bernie too–and he’s begging you to vote for Biden!
  • Trump’s third wife, Melania, says the Democrats want to take away traditional values. Yeah, homophobia, racism, and misogyny.

Vote for Biden/Harris.

End of Ted Talk.