Comedian Brian Calvert is suggesting a dark-horse, late-in-the-game contender for the presidency. Not, not Ralph Nader—Canada! Yup, the entire country. Why? “Who better to lead America than a country already leading America in so many ways?” asks Calvert in the clip above. (He kind of has a point.)
Speaking to us Americans as BFFs, Canada is announcing it’s “Canada-cy” (groan) because “We’ve seen your candidates, and frankly they scare the shit out of us.” (Another good point: The Great White North kicks our can in health care, literacy, employment and gay rights. Not to mention hot mounties and lumberjacks.)
Calvert even shares a few planks from Canada’s supposed campaign platform:
* “One gay couple will be allowed to marry for every straight couple that gets divorced”
* “The phrase “job creators” will be changed to “job creationists,” and they will be given seven days to actually create some”
* “Corporations will still be people, but if they can’t provide a birth certificate they will be legally obligated to care for your lawn”
* “Corners will be installed in the Oval Office, and timeouts given to congressmen who can’t play nice.”
Too bad you have to be born in the U.S. to run for president, huh?