Wayne Brady clarifies the biggest misconception since coming out as pansexual: “Let me set you straight”
By Editors · 50 comments
I had to do research and find out.
I think the biggest misconception — and I even make a joke about it onstage tonight — is that people think that you’re an indecisive bisexual. It’s like, no, no, no, no, no. Let me set you straight.
What the definition basically boils down to is, regardless of gender, regardless. So that means that I am happily free to fall in love with anybody here. If you’re gay, if you’re straight, if you’re non-binary, trans, I don’t care.
It’s the person. Which in my mind is the ultimate in acceptance and loving. So, I win.
Wayne Brady talking to People about the confusion surrounding his pansexual identity since coming out last August.
The superstar actor and comedian came out as pansexual earlier this year.
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@Kangol2: Great, can YOU explain it? I like Wayne Brady and wish him well. But unless, perhaps, he’s been castrated and no longer has the usual male lust-first, personality-second sexual feelings, his “explanation” doesn’t even rise to the level of pseudo-psychobabble.
Ultimately all people are male or female at the root, which is the just bisexual argument. But then there are the trans folks and that makes this different. Sex is physical, so parts matter.
A trans woman with a penis and a trans man with a vagina are the rub; a little of both and also the most common examples of trans people. Then there are the trans people with bottom surgery, which are yet again very different. When considered for sex partners, they can be confusing and are different from bisexuality for me since, as I have said repeatedly, trans women are not women and trans men are not men; they are what they are. They certainly confuse me, and I don’t mean that in a necessarily negative or rejecting way, but they are different. So, embracing all that is the pan argument. It is what it is.
The other crazy variation of pan, where someone falls in sexual love with a toaster or cat, is just certifiably crazy, not crazy funny, and I fully reject it. But that is where the lunatic left would take it.
So, pansexuality does make sense as being unique from bisexuality. I can see someone embracing it. It’s not for me, although don’t sue me if I actually fell for a trans woman with a penis or a trans man with a vagina.
They always make bisexuality sound hipper than simply gay or straight and yet even HRC reports:
“According to the Bisexual Resource Center (BRC), approximately 40 percent of bisexual people have considered or attempted suicide, compared to just over a quarter of gay men and lesbians.
On a person by person basis, people who fit into the bi/pan spectrum or have contended with gender/sexual fluidity do tend to contend with more mental health struggles than folks who are inherently homosexual and “gay” throughout their lives. That’s not really anything to hype up or shame people over though. I’m guessing it’s because people who contend with fluidity and/or are in the bi/pan spectrum are a bit more likely to have experienced childhood traumas. The issue I have with the “queer conversation” is that the leaning on identities and cliches (like Wayne is clearly doing) doesn’t force people to do the hard work and force us to have the tough conversations. But it does sometimes make it easier for people to gain self-acceptance and some form of self-understanding. So, you really need to not hate.
“leaning on identities and cliches (like Wayne is clearly doing) doesn’t force people to do the hard work and force us to have the tough conversations…”
Seriously, you want to FORCE people “to do the hard work” that’s supposedly involved in order to understand gender/sexual fluidity?
Maybe if they’re into BDSM and you use a whip to “force” them.
Or maybe you teach a course that’s a requirement, lol.
It’s not about “forcing”. But if you want to move on from leaning on cliches and validation and you want to genuinely know yourself beyond the hippie-dippy, “PC” quotes from queer white women that were tired a decade ago then hard work tends to required. I’ve noticed that most “queer” men who don’t do the work and focus almost entirely on cliches and sex and sociology tend to get frustrated with themselves and their queerness at some point.
Lol, 40%, really? They never even had it half as bad as gays and lesbians, and heterosexuality was always an option for them. It’s not surprising that the bi/pan community would exaggerate their victimhood; after all, they laid the groundwork for the TQs. The “hearts not parts” community is tedious.
I’m glad he’s not letting people’s ignorance limit him. He’s attracted to people of whatever gender or sexuality. That is not bisexuality. Most (cis) bisexuals I know are not attracted to 1) trans or 2) nonbinary people. He is. Good for him. Do you, Wayne!
Wayne is super talented and funny and way more charming than Monty Hall or the jerk MR Elster who just wrote that stupid comment stop being a keyboard warrior troll.
I’m in the pan spectrum. But it doesn’t really matter to me if I’m referred to as “bi”. I don’t even really mind “gay” as long as the person who calls me that understands that I’m not inherently homosexual. Being in the bi/pan spectrum also doesn’t mean that you can “fall in love” with anyone. It doesn’t mean that you don’t currently have preferences depending on if you have or is currently experiencing fluidity. And it doesn’t mean that you’re willing to seriously invest romantically and emotionally into any type of person. It doesn’t mean any of that. The pan/bi spectrum is wide and varied as hell. And damn near half of the population in it. So, his explanation is kinda one-note. All of this is partially why I focus more on sexual dimensions, paraphiliacs, mental health, the gender, sexual, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum rather than hyper-focus on identities.
Honestly, Wayne sounds like someone who read a couple of queer articles and spoke to a few queer presenting white women and is now just spouting cliches. That’s often the signs of an inherently queer man trying to find himself and his self-confidence and understanding of his own queerness and struggles and psychology. But good luck to Wayne and his journey.
Donston, You sound like you’ve been studying your own sexuality for decades because you find yourself so fascinating and unique. I don’t know you as a person but if you’re telling me you’re on a “pan spectrum” that just means you like men and women sexually. It’s not difficult to understand.
Yes, I do find myself fascinating. But one of the main points of that post is the desire to stop making variations of queerness more “unique” than it actually is. Please do better with reading comprehension and knowing how to have nuanced conversation.
Thank you Donston. Your comments are always very interesting and expansive. High marks for taking the time and sincerety to talk about life and living.
There will always be people to make things harder. To pounce on diversity. Narrow minded and criminal.
We need more helpers in the world. ShaverC and his ilk are not helpers.
A couple things: first, it is amazing to see ShaverC, a conservative, essentially agreeing that trans women are women. So that’s something.
But let’s try again, taking into account Donston’s points: bisexual is not the same as pansexual, but one can be both.
A pansexual person may be (not automatically is, but may be attracted to:
cis women (straight, lesbian, bi)
cis men (straight, gay, bi)
trans women (straight, lesbian, bi, pre or post-op)
trans men (straight, gay, bi, pre or post-op)
nonbinary and agender (however they may present and or define themselves)
intersex
Pan literally means “all.” The pan people I know are truly attracted to many or most sexualities and genders. I personally am not pansexual, but I respect their POV on the world. I can’t speak for Wayne Brady but it appears that that is what he is saying. Pan people do exist. They are not the same as bisexuals, though their desires include bisexuality.
@ShaverC: I think I’ve got it, Wayne is potentially into:
– cis women
– cis men
– trans women
– trans men
– plus all the imaginary genders the green-haired nonbinary women make up on TikTok!
If he doesn’t want to clarify his answer that’s your answer. We may live in a post Dobbs country, but everyone is entitled to their privacy (for now)!
Personally, I don’t have any time for the extra letters in the alphabet soup but it doesn’t bother me if you want to join the rainbow family as long as you vote. I have only met LGBT folks IRL. The extraneous letters seemingly (to me) only exist on the internet.
In 1962 I researched the man I wanted to have as my partner, I found him in a gay bar on March 4th, 1962 when I was in the Navy as a musician. We were together from then until June 10, 2004 when we got married in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
I have a friend. Shocking, I know. When confronted at work by a new employee who introduced itself and began to expound on its pronouns and sexual labeling, he merely said, “too much information” and went to lunch.
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ShaverC
Ok, so he’s bisexual, just what people claim he is.
Kangol2
You still don’t get it.
ShaverC
Oh I get it. You don’t seem to.
still_onthemark
@Kangol2: Great, can YOU explain it? I like Wayne Brady and wish him well. But unless, perhaps, he’s been castrated and no longer has the usual male lust-first, personality-second sexual feelings, his “explanation” doesn’t even rise to the level of pseudo-psychobabble.
SoPluckyWhat
I don’t get it either. But I don’t get straight people either, so…….
DarkZephyr
Why are you always so mean spirited, ShaverC?
He’s not bisexual. He doesn’t concern himself with genitals until *after* he connects with a person.
monty clift
@DarkZephyr, That is still bisexuality but with an extra step.
LumpyPillows
I had to think about this one a bit.
Ultimately all people are male or female at the root, which is the just bisexual argument. But then there are the trans folks and that makes this different. Sex is physical, so parts matter.
A trans woman with a penis and a trans man with a vagina are the rub; a little of both and also the most common examples of trans people. Then there are the trans people with bottom surgery, which are yet again very different. When considered for sex partners, they can be confusing and are different from bisexuality for me since, as I have said repeatedly, trans women are not women and trans men are not men; they are what they are. They certainly confuse me, and I don’t mean that in a necessarily negative or rejecting way, but they are different. So, embracing all that is the pan argument. It is what it is.
The other crazy variation of pan, where someone falls in sexual love with a toaster or cat, is just certifiably crazy, not crazy funny, and I fully reject it. But that is where the lunatic left would take it.
So, pansexuality does make sense as being unique from bisexuality. I can see someone embracing it. It’s not for me, although don’t sue me if I actually fell for a trans woman with a penis or a trans man with a vagina.
inbama
They always make bisexuality sound hipper than simply gay or straight and yet even HRC reports:
“According to the Bisexual Resource Center (BRC), approximately 40 percent of bisexual people have considered or attempted suicide, compared to just over a quarter of gay men and lesbians.
Donston
On a person by person basis, people who fit into the bi/pan spectrum or have contended with gender/sexual fluidity do tend to contend with more mental health struggles than folks who are inherently homosexual and “gay” throughout their lives. That’s not really anything to hype up or shame people over though. I’m guessing it’s because people who contend with fluidity and/or are in the bi/pan spectrum are a bit more likely to have experienced childhood traumas. The issue I have with the “queer conversation” is that the leaning on identities and cliches (like Wayne is clearly doing) doesn’t force people to do the hard work and force us to have the tough conversations. But it does sometimes make it easier for people to gain self-acceptance and some form of self-understanding. So, you really need to not hate.
still_onthemark
“leaning on identities and cliches (like Wayne is clearly doing) doesn’t force people to do the hard work and force us to have the tough conversations…”
Seriously, you want to FORCE people “to do the hard work” that’s supposedly involved in order to understand gender/sexual fluidity?
Maybe if they’re into BDSM and you use a whip to “force” them.
Or maybe you teach a course that’s a requirement, lol.
Donston
It’s not about “forcing”. But if you want to move on from leaning on cliches and validation and you want to genuinely know yourself beyond the hippie-dippy, “PC” quotes from queer white women that were tired a decade ago then hard work tends to required. I’ve noticed that most “queer” men who don’t do the work and focus almost entirely on cliches and sex and sociology tend to get frustrated with themselves and their queerness at some point.
abfab
@still. Grow up.
still_onthemark
@Donston: If “it’s not about ‘forcing,'” maybe you shouldn’t have used the word “force” — twice! You’re acting like I used the word and you didn’t.
monty clift
Lol, 40%, really? They never even had it half as bad as gays and lesbians, and heterosexuality was always an option for them. It’s not surprising that the bi/pan community would exaggerate their victimhood; after all, they laid the groundwork for the TQs. The “hearts not parts” community is tedious.
Kangol2
I’m glad he’s not letting people’s ignorance limit him. He’s attracted to people of whatever gender or sexuality. That is not bisexuality. Most (cis) bisexuals I know are not attracted to 1) trans or 2) nonbinary people. He is. Good for him. Do you, Wayne!
still_onthemark
Thanks for the translation! To me it looks like he didn’t actually say anything like that, but I’m glad you speak Pansexual!
abfab
@still Travel more.
Mr.Gavin Elster
I guess Brady is the 21st century Monty Hall, minus the genuine charm?
BLAKENOW
Wayne is super talented and funny and way more charming than Monty Hall or the jerk MR Elster who just wrote that stupid comment stop being a keyboard warrior troll.
SoPluckyWhat
You must be way older than me, and I’m 60.
Donston
I’m in the pan spectrum. But it doesn’t really matter to me if I’m referred to as “bi”. I don’t even really mind “gay” as long as the person who calls me that understands that I’m not inherently homosexual. Being in the bi/pan spectrum also doesn’t mean that you can “fall in love” with anyone. It doesn’t mean that you don’t currently have preferences depending on if you have or is currently experiencing fluidity. And it doesn’t mean that you’re willing to seriously invest romantically and emotionally into any type of person. It doesn’t mean any of that. The pan/bi spectrum is wide and varied as hell. And damn near half of the population in it. So, his explanation is kinda one-note. All of this is partially why I focus more on sexual dimensions, paraphiliacs, mental health, the gender, sexual, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum rather than hyper-focus on identities.
Honestly, Wayne sounds like someone who read a couple of queer articles and spoke to a few queer presenting white women and is now just spouting cliches. That’s often the signs of an inherently queer man trying to find himself and his self-confidence and understanding of his own queerness and struggles and psychology. But good luck to Wayne and his journey.
ShaverC
Donston, You sound like you’ve been studying your own sexuality for decades because you find yourself so fascinating and unique. I don’t know you as a person but if you’re telling me you’re on a “pan spectrum” that just means you like men and women sexually. It’s not difficult to understand.
Donston
Yes, I do find myself fascinating. But one of the main points of that post is the desire to stop making variations of queerness more “unique” than it actually is. Please do better with reading comprehension and knowing how to have nuanced conversation.
abfab
Thank you Donston. Your comments are always very interesting and expansive. High marks for taking the time and sincerety to talk about life and living.
There will always be people to make things harder. To pounce on diversity. Narrow minded and criminal.
We need more helpers in the world. ShaverC and his ilk are not helpers.
Keep living Donston!
monty clift
@abfab, The less homophobic cretinous trolls like you, the better the world will be.
BLAKENOW
Oh my God! hell just froze over ShaverC just wrote something that I agree with.
Mister P
Let’s put it this way Shaves. It is not your job to label or even interpret other people’s sexuality.
If someone says he is pan then he is pan.
ShaverC
Unlike you, I like to live in reality.
abfab
You like living in a dark room.
DarkZephyr
@ShaverC, you may like to live in reality, but the reality you live it seems to be one of your own making. You are not a nice person at all.
Kangol2
A couple things: first, it is amazing to see ShaverC, a conservative, essentially agreeing that trans women are women. So that’s something.
But let’s try again, taking into account Donston’s points: bisexual is not the same as pansexual, but one can be both.
A pansexual person may be (not automatically is, but may be attracted to:
cis women (straight, lesbian, bi)
cis men (straight, gay, bi)
trans women (straight, lesbian, bi, pre or post-op)
trans men (straight, gay, bi, pre or post-op)
nonbinary and agender (however they may present and or define themselves)
intersex
Pan literally means “all.” The pan people I know are truly attracted to many or most sexualities and genders. I personally am not pansexual, but I respect their POV on the world. I can’t speak for Wayne Brady but it appears that that is what he is saying. Pan people do exist. They are not the same as bisexuals, though their desires include bisexuality.
ShaverC
There are only 2 genders, can you prove otherwise? Actual proof and not theory.
abfab
Advice to ShaverC. Stay home.
still_onthemark
@ShaverC: I think I’ve got it, Wayne is potentially into:
– cis women
– cis men
– trans women
– trans men
– plus all the imaginary genders the green-haired nonbinary women make up on TikTok!
flip-the-bird-Boston
If he doesn’t want to clarify his answer that’s your answer. We may live in a post Dobbs country, but everyone is entitled to their privacy (for now)!
Personally, I don’t have any time for the extra letters in the alphabet soup but it doesn’t bother me if you want to join the rainbow family as long as you vote. I have only met LGBT folks IRL. The extraneous letters seemingly (to me) only exist on the internet.
inbama
I feel sorry for the intersex people having been forced into this paraphilia placation club.
abfab
The last thing they need is your pity. Work on yourself, inbama.
dbmcvey
We all fall in love with the person, unless we don’t fall in love at all.
GayEGO
In 1962 I researched the man I wanted to have as my partner, I found him in a gay bar on March 4th, 1962 when I was in the Navy as a musician. We were together from then until June 10, 2004 when we got married in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
mastik8
Mazel.
Rank Amateur
I suspect that pansexual means “my career is flagging so I need something to attract attention”.
abfab
@ rank amateur……….a fitting name for you.
DarkZephyr
Kissing up to ShaverC, eh?
SUPREME
in my opinion, i suspect that he’s bisexual, but i respect his right to label himself the way he wants to.
Megera
My personal definition of pansexual is as follows.
I do not care if you are male, female, somewhere in between, nonsexual, or a dolphin or alien. If i love you, I love you and want to be close to you.
LumpyPillows
Including, as the old joke goes, a toaster.
LumpyPillows
I have a friend. Shocking, I know. When confronted at work by a new employee who introduced itself and began to expound on its pronouns and sexual labeling, he merely said, “too much information” and went to lunch.
still_onthemark
And then he was called in by HR and ordered to take 20 hours of pronoun training or else get fired?
nm4047
Just Bi by another name. Maybe throwing the trannie reference is a little different to what most bi people would say they get off with.