Viewer's Choice

Which True Blood Character Should Go Gay(er) in Season 4?

TV gossip hound Michael Ausiello has been cuddling at home with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s watching the first three episodes of the upcoming season of True Blood. And he didn’t even invite us! Now we’ll have to wait until June 26 with the rest of you minions to see all the vamp-action Alan Ball has in store for us. But in the meantime, let’s steal a lick off Ausiello’s scoop.

According to the TVLine, the HBO hit series about Southerners who get off on having sex drenched in other people’s blood (not to be confused with the Newt Gingrich documentary…) will go from gay to ga-haaaai in season 4 when yet another character gets involved in a same-sex romance. No word yet on whether the romance will be same-species, however.

So with openly gay Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) strutting with his hookah (endearment for long-term Latino lover) all over the town of Bon Temps while bitchy bisexual vixens Pam and Sophie Ann (Evan Rachel Wood) suck on whatever lollipop lands on their lap… we ask ourselves, who?! Who in the True Blood universe is next to be bitten by the gay?

Who hasn’t fantasized about getting poked two ways? Ok, ok, so Eric (played by Alexander Skarsgård) had some ulterior motives when he decided to seduce his nemesis’s boy toy, but that was one of the most-talked about scenes of last season and the show’s producers should know better than to not indulge us. Although, the scene did send a weird message: don’t take it from behind or you’ll ultimately get stabbed in the back…
Remember when Anna Paquin (who plays Sookie Stackhouse) came out as bi in that PSA and that grabbed all the headlines so no one ended up giving a damn about We Give a Damn, the campaign she was actually trying to promote? Well, despite the fact that Paquin’s got an Oscar and a Golden Globe… we’re not convinced she’s that great of an actress. So we can totally see the show’s producers trying to make it easier for her to relate to her onscreen character. I mean, that annoying way she enunciates words carried over, why not her love for the ladies?
Sam Merlotte (played by Sam Trammell) was the least homo character on the show… until he had a highly erotic dream about sulky Bill (Stephen Moyer). We’re not entirely sure what the dream did to advance the plot, but shirtless Sam and Bill standing just inches away from each other, literally breathing down each other’s necks… Apparently, those dreams occur once you exchange bodily fluids with a vampire (Bill saved Sam’s life by giving him his blood in season 2).
This may be a bit of an understatement but man, has Tara (Rutina Wesley) been fucked over by guys on that show or what? Manipulated, mistreated, kidnapped, raped, almost killed. We can totally picture her being completely over men this season and “tryin’ the girl thing.” Yes, we know that’s not exactly how bisexuality works but do you think the producers did any more research into that than they did on Eastern European folklore and fairy tales?
Last season’s big reveal was that Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) was really a fairy. So does that mean that her well-intentioned but dumb as a hard-on brother, Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten), is a fairy too? We can only fantasize! Plus, Jason did go through that whole Jesus phase, which, as we all know, didn’t really work out in the end.
We don’t get it. In all these supernatural romances, the female protagonist always gets her panties in a knot deciding between the cold, unaffectionate, pasty vampire who’s emotionally unavailable (and unavailable altogether in the daytime) and the hunky, fleshy, sex beast werewolf who’d do anything for them… We’ll make it easy for you, ladies. The hunky, fleshy, sex beast werewolf. If you don’t want him, we’ll take ’em!