A woman overheard a gay men talking about his “daddy” at a party and didn’t understand what he meant, so she’s written a letter to gay advice columnist Hank Scott asking him to explain.
“I was at a party the other night and overheard two gay men in their early 30s talking about the boyfriend of one of them,” her letter begins. “One guy said to the other: ‘So how’s the relationship going with daddy?’ Apparently he was referring to the other guy’s boyfriend, who was at the party and appeared to be in his mid-50s!”
Related: Don’t Mind The (Age) Gap: Seven High Profile May/December Gay Relationships And How They Worked Out
Apparently the woman isn’t familiar with the concept of May-December relationships. But all she needs to do is look at our current President and First Lady to understand.
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She continues, “Daddy? Isn’t that a creepy, and maybe perverse, way for someone to refer to his boyfriend? It conjures up images of incest and pedophilia.”
The woman goes on to say that her husband is five years younger than she is. “If he ever called me ‘mommy’ I’d put a diaper on him and kick him to the curb!” she insists.
In his response, Hank explains the whole the “daddy” thing in terms the woman might understand.
“The ‘daddy’ phenomenon isn’t that unusual, no matter one’s sexual orientation,” he writes. “After all, I’m sure you know that (rich) straight men sometimes end up in relationships with much younger women.”
He points to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner who, at age 76, married 26-year-old Crystal Harris as just one example of this.
Related: 90-Year-Old Grandfather Finds Love Once Again… In A Man 50 Years His Junior
Hank continues: “In gay life, the so-called ‘daddy/son’ or ‘daddy/boi’ relationship really has no connection with incest or pedophilia. There are ‘bois’ or ‘sons’ in their 40s with ‘daddies’ in their 60s. ‘Daddies’ are those men attracted to younger guys who they want to mentor and support emotionally (and sometimes financially — a ‘sugar daddy’).”
“Of course there’s also the aspect of sexual attraction, at least for the older guys, who are more likely to be smitten by well-defined abs than wise wrinkles,” he adds. “There’s a significant minority of young gay guys who are seeking older partners, witness the popularity of websites such as Daddyhunt and its related telephone app, Mister.”
Hank concludes by saying that he himself is often referred to by younger gay men as “daddy.”
“I’ve found it’s important to set age limits,” he says. “My formula? Never date a guy younger than my age divided by two plus one year (example: If you’re 50, the cutoff is 26). I give extra credit (i.e. accept younger guys) for military service, a graduate degree or the ability to speak two or more foreign languages. And by the way, I’m single!”
Related: QUESTION: What Do You Think Of The Idea Of Intergenerational Relationships?
Holloway
How is this news? How is an unknown somebody asking a question about a party nobody knows about to some middling advice columnist count as news???
Moreover. How do I get your job?
Ksb1978
I’m gonna need cis-het women to have several seats, please.
Xzamilloh
“Daddy”, I find hot… like, “Yes, daddy, you can get this anytime you want.” But I’m not trying to hear someone refer to their younger partner as “son.” That’s just off putting to me. But, hey, do you.
Josh447
Sometimes there is no age difference at all, and that verbage is used. It’s all in fun and intimacy. Silly gul. Nothing to get panty bunched about. To each their own.
broadshoulder
She continues, “Daddy? Isn’t that a creepy, and maybe perverse, way for someone to refer to his boyfriend? It conjures up images of incest and pedophilia.”
Thats straight woman for you….
NateOcean
Remind her that Ronald Reagan called Nancy “mommie”.
Also, I bet she calls her husband “baby”. That really is perverse and pedophilia. eeeew
Jack Meoff
I am pretty open to dating people up to about 10 years either side of my own age but if anyone referred to me as either daddy or son they would be out the door.
Me2
She didn’t deserve an explanation. No one needs her approval or understanding of their use of cultural terms of endearment.
smartoad
The problem is that if she didn’t get an explanation she could have ended up going around saying all gay’s are perverts or some such. There was a miss-understanding and it needed to be corrected. I have always said that those who know I am gay are free to ask me anything about being gay (yes even the sex bit if really asked – although I draw the line at MY sex life!) as I would rather set the record straight (haha pun) so people gain a better understanding and hopefully acceptance.
Billy Budd
It is normal. I like being called daddy. I call my boyfriend My Baby.
Herman75
Oh my, so at 60 you restrict your minimum age of dateable guys to 31. How noble and wise of you!
Heywood Jablowme
Yeah, I particularly liked that part. So when he’s 90, he will be hitting on 46 year olds. But not younger than that, which would be creepy. lol
DCguy
Vice President Mike Pence calls his wife Mother, so maybe this woman should be complaining about high GOP officials.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2017/01/23/does_mike_pence_call_his_wife_mother_a_rolling_stone_piece_says_he_does.html
Heywood Jablowme
The generational divide: Richard Nixon referred to Pat as “Buddy.” Nixon was quite a romantic.
Heywood Jablowme
I used to think the “daddy” thing was all metaphorical or something, until I started to realize that millennialls tend to be fvcked up because their real-life fathers were usually divorced, child-support daddies who they rarely ever saw, and they have literal physical crushes on their daddies, and they literally jerk-off, masturbate, fantasize about their fathers fvcking them. And that’s what they want. Millennials are fvcked up but they are a lot of fun. (Those hetero boomers really fvcked them up!)
ChrisK
Right but I think you missed Gen X. Unless they’re fantasizing about effing their Grandfathers.
GayEGO
I wonder if she thought about all of the things she has said as a straight woman, thinking, oh, that is OK for a woman to say that about a man. I am sure I have used the term “Daddy” as well as “Mommy” many times but it is generally used in a comical phrase.
bobbyjoe
Straight male culture is full of references to MILFS and the like. What does this woman think the “M” in MILF stands for? Moonbeams?
Marilyn Monroe popularized the song “My Heart Belongs to Daddy” back in the 1950s. The song had been around since the 1930s. Did this woman think Marilyn was literally singing about her father?
This woman just doesn’t sound very bright.
smartoad
M means Man doesn’t it? 😉 hehe
MBSweetdaddy
Fortunate to have been blessed with good genes and a firm body that belie my 68 years–I have many younger gay and bi male friends (all of legal age, of course) who find me attractive and love to call me “daddy”. I don’t mind at all because they do it because they find me attractive and care for me as a friend, etc. Actually, I think the intergenerational community in gay and bi culture is hot and sexy! As for myself, I tend to find young men in their 30’s very attractive–but, that said, I never limit friendships to a specific age!
ChuckF
It’s only creepy and pedophilia in her mind. Why does she ever bother about what a man calls another man. That woman needs a gay man or lesbian relative, the best cure.
dm10003
I heard a man singing about his girlfriend or wife. He sang “Oooooooo, baby, baby”. I called 911 immediately and had him arrested.
Judging and complaining Is so much easier than actually talking to people, ESPECIALLY at parties.
PretenderNX01
I guess she missed that meme where a guy said he was having dinner with his girlfriend and her parents and she said “Daddy can you get me a fork” and he and her father both stood up. :p
Women were doing the “Daddy” thing before gays took it up.
ralphb
People get upset about the silliest things. My hubby and I had a dog the first 15 years we were together. We would say to the dog, “where’s your daddy?”, or “go find daddy”. Eventually we began to refer to each other as “Daddy”. Even our friends used to talk to our dog in that fashion. We pretty much got out of that after the dog had to be put to sleep, but on rate occasions, after being together 40 years, we might still call each other “daddy”. Whose business is it what we call each other. Get a life, people.
humblepie
When I was 20 I was in a relationship with a man that was 41. I didn’t call him daddy but we enjoyed each others company for the 1 year that we were together neither one of us made a fuss over the age difference. Age is just a number. You fall in love with who you fall in love with.