15 Totally Straight Things That Just Seem Really, Really Gay
The yucksters at Pleated-Jeans.com have compiled a list of everyday things that are totally innocuous but have, well, a gay aura about them. Y’know, like kielbasa and Justin Timberlake.
Among their picks are nut-hugger basketball shorts from the ’80s, mariachi bands and men eating bananas.
Check the entire list and then come back here and suggestyour own faux-gay item in the comments.
Smoking Cigarettes. Ladies look erotic pushing that nicotine pole to their mouth. Guys look like they are sucking a white substance deep into their lungs.
Also, the fact that cig smokers lose their “ability” as they age – just makes it gross. Nothing worse than an ex-smoker who has lost his ability to hoist one. It’s the regret that that can’t get back without a hoover, pump and dreaded apparatus.
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Definitely drinking tea. The Brits drink tea and like Archie Bunker said, “England is a fag nation.”
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Vladimir Putin is on their list…I’d not thought of him that way but that’s a good one! A little delicate with the gestures, no?
Add: WWE: guys in costumes pressing their oiled stereoidal bodies into each other. Yum or yech, take your pick.
Let’s throw in the expression ‘best man’ which isn’t all that super-gay in the context of an impending wedding, but otherwise the idea is gayish. “Meet my best man Lawrence” sounds like an euphemism.
Since bow-ties are listed, can we tack on Tucker Carlson? Ah maybe not…he may just be full on gay, IDK.
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And yet gay things…will never look straight!…..go figure!!…
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Whiny queens playing sports or hitting a gym…o wait! they don’t do that!! It’s too “shallow”…
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Number 1 answer, Marcus Bachmann. That girl is straight. Now get over it you knuckleheads. Get outta here!!!
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Waste their lives on crystal meth and tanning booths.
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Popped collars on polos. Any designer underwear. Skinny jeans. Motorcycle boots. Sculpted razor-thin beards that trace the jaw line. Thinned-out pubes. Jersey Shore-style tweezed brows. Talisman chokers. Scrotal piercings. Anything madras. Depilated abs and pecs. Pec implants.
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Facial hair over-grooming & moisturizing products… I understand why they do it, but they still can’t pull it off as completely straight.
Boys being led round by their girlfriends in Zara… the girls want them to look stylish, but I always feel like they’re really inevitably helping their men come out of the closet.
Foofy drinks… not even the umbrella drinks… the chocolate & apple martinis… c’mon, you guys.
That said, I love my straight-guys, especially here in SFO where it’s just never any big deal. They usually have plenty of tatoos and I always get a bro-hug & a kiss when they see me. Everybody that’s payin’ attention, LOVES the f’n gayz! ;)
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@Marie Cohn : That’s quite the list! I agree with all you said, except the motorcycle boots (when someone’s actually been riding one!)
@Pete n SFO : I’m still getting used to the hug/kiss-on-cheek from the hetero guys…What happened to the handshake, Lol?
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Including Henry VIII in the 17th century was a major mistake! He was born in 1491 and died in 1547. Long before the 17th century began.
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Curious projection by what I’m going to assume is a str8t blog. I don’t see why any of their suggestions in anyway seem gay. Kinda seems as inappropriate as posting a picture of a a person eating watermelon and saying that it seems really black, or a asian person doing laundry and stating that it appears really Asian. Not funny at all, just ignorant.
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Seems really gay but is totally straight?
That list…
Also, not especially funny.
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Why, worrying about what heteros think is gay. Now that’s both so gay, and so hetero. They’re the ones worried, however, the wusses.
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The interesting thing about bowties is that they make both men AND women look gay.
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I would hate to be a straight hetero male in this culture. They spend thousands on Klondopin, gyms and clothes. I too look at most urban straight men and think how they are must be absorbed with worry. Making sure they can “pass” as straight. I watch them all the time at my work. One idiot walks around all day calling the other guys “hey stud”. They live in fear of being clocked as gay. I am out, married and high on the food chain and know many men at work resent me for the fact that I am comfortable with who I am. Plus, the executives there love my husband. But god, the attempts at many their to pass is an awful thing to watch. And I have to also say the same thing about some of the women. In general, Thus society needs to get over itself and let each person just “be”, Hip hop would be great music if it wasn’t thousands of black men acting out their straight inferiority complexes on the radio. Same with heavy metal now. The US is one messed up melting pot and until straights get over their own gender identity issues, we are going to have endless bad music, bad reality shows and crappy Hollywood romantic comedies. Face it straighty, you know you jack off to as much gay porn as the other kind. Statistics prove it.
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Can’t figure out why equal rights are taking so long…maybe we need to mock the straight guys more???
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As one of the posters on the other site pointed out: professional wrestling! Also, the T-shirts where the guy cut the sleeves off in such a way that it hangs on them like a sandwich board and shows their nipples.
Having said that, I agree with velocifero that it must really suck having to worry about shit like that all the time.
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First thing that comes to my mind is all the married men who are sucking dick and taking it up the ass.
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At this point flat fronted khakis are totally gay.
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gays that pick their eyebrows, ewwwwwwwwww stay away from me.
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@alan Balehead: What are you talking about. Gay men generally are in much better shape and extremely athletic compared to their mayonaise stained bud drinking straight counterparts.
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I think the current trend in basketball shorts (guys wearing ladies culottes) looks a lot gayer than the 1980s short shorts. Watching the NBA play in those long baggy drawers reminds me of a bunch of nuns playing basketball.