Joints Chiefs vice chairman Gen. James Cartwright and Clifford Stanley, undersecretary of personnel and readiness, are going to teach the military how to work with open homosexuals by using PowerPoint. So this should go swimmingly! In a Pentagon presser today, military brass unveiled the plan to “expeditiously” get the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell certified by the president, Obama, and Gates, so gay soldiers can bitch and moan openly at all those “cocksucker” jokes, because you know now that they have the chance, gay troops are just totally going to start whining and falling out of line. In addition to PowerPoint, each military branch will host lectures and show videos to get troops — 1.4 million active duty soldiers and 800,000 reserves — up to speed on how repeal will affect them. Or, you know, how it won’t, because repealing DADT really isn’t going to change much for straight soldiers. Each military branch will be responsible for its own training schedule, and by next Friday Defense Sec. Gates must have a copy of their plans. In addition to its three-phase system, the Pentagon also announced after DADT is finally dead, troops kicked out under the policy will be welcome to reenlist but “there will be no preferential treatment,” because really, why start giving gays an upper hand all of a sudden? As for those training videos each branch must create on its own, I know a certain somebody with mad editing skillz currently twiddling his thumbs at a desk job!