Don't fuck with Chelsea Clinton! The 28-year old got feisty when a Butler University student asked whether Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky hurt her mother's credibility, particularly when Hillary defended her husband against a "right wing conspiracy," which turned out to be Lewinsky's lips.

Chelsea was not impressed by the off-color, meaningless question: "Wow, you're the first person actually that's ever asked me that question in the, I don't know maybe, 70 college campuses I've now been to, and I do not think that is any of your business."

She then lunged at the man, tore out his throat with her teeth and feasted on his soul. Okay, that didn't happen, but you can tell Chelsea's thinking about it.

Rosie O'Donnell really took the Monica Lewinsky scandal to heart.

Unemployed O'Donnell told her New York Comedy Festival audience that she once used her stage to rail against Bill Clinton's philandering ways. The lesbian entertainer didn't know, however, that Clinton had been in attendance. Upset by her rant - during which O'Donnell said she hated the then-president - Clinton sent O'Donnell a note and his phone number. Impressed by his balls, O'Donnell dialed up Billy Boy, whose apology apparently brought tears to Rosie's eyes. Page Six relates the story she related.

"And I said, 'You know, listen, here's the deal, dude. I've been disappointed by men my whole life. I loved JFK, my mother loved JFK, and you were the JFK to me. And you let me down, man. You killed me and that hurt me a lot, and when you hurt me, I don't know, I didn't expect that out of you and I thought you could do better for your wife, for the country and just in general."

Clinton then worked his charm on O'Donnell. "He goes, 'I'm sorry for all the men who ever hurt you, I'm sorry that I hurt you. Everything you've said to me, I've said to myself, and I hope one day you can forgive me, and I hope I can forgive me.'"

It's then that O'Donnell says she lost it and cried like a baby whose deep psychological issues cause severe, debilitating, presidential projection.

Larry Craig's not giving up without a fight. After being busted soliciting sex in a men's room and pleading guilty to disorderly conduct, resigning and then "not resigning", the Idahoan Senator will file paperwork today to overturn the aforementioned plea.

Though lawyer Billy Martin won't discuss his legal angle, the high-powered lawyer, who has also represented Michael Vick and Monica Lewinsky, says he'll frame the case as a rights issue, "My job is to get him back to where he was before his rights were taken away." Right…

Martin's argument will also focus on the media's role in Craig's downfall. He'll hold that Craig pleaded guilty after facing "witch hunt" started cut throat journalists.

Craig's got only twenty days to successfully argue his case. After that, his career's as dead as Britney Spears'.

In one fell swoop, the Guanzhou Rubber Group in Southern China put itself on the map by marketing Clinton and Lewinsky condoms. A company spokesman said: “The names we chose are symbols of people who are responsible and dedicated to their jobs.” Would that be dedicated to their blow jobs? The release of the condoms comes among swirling rumors that if Monica were a drag queen, people would think she looked too masculine.

The Chinese, of course, are reminding us of our own glorious history. What makes a president impeachable? Not starting an unnecessary war. Not rampant cronyism. Not proposing a constitutional amendment to trample the rights of gays. No sireee! What makes a president impeachable is a juicy mamada with a juicy mamita intern.

Those of you who want to go as Bill and Monica on Halloween need not despair. Slickwillycondoms.com claims to have a supply of Clinton and Lewinsky rubbers on hand. According to Guanzhou, the Clinton model is top of the line and Lewinsky is a lesser order of thing. Talk about prophylactics imitating life!