“At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss. And at the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences…Not a day goes by that I’m not reminded of my mistake, and I regret that mistake deeply.”
Nobody knows more about public shame and humiliation than Monica Lewinsky, and the 41-year-old former headline news subject has been speaking out more than ever about her ordeal in the late ’90s.
“I was patient zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously,” she told a packed audience in Vancouver, BC during a TED talk titled “The Price of Shame.”
“The attention and judgment I received — not the story — but that I personally received, was unprecedented. I was branded as a tramp, tart, slut, whore, bimbo.”
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Highlighting the dire consequences of intruding on someone’s private life and making it public, Monica talks about a phone conversation between her and her mother about the 2012 suicide of Tyler Clementi. “Tyler was secretly webcammed by his roommate while being intimate with another man,” she tells the audience. “When the online world learned of this incident, the ridicule and cyberbullying ignited. A few days later, Tyler jumped from the George Washington Bridge to his death. He was eighteen.”
But what struck Monica was her mother’s reaction to the heartbreaking story. “My mom was beside herself about what happened to Tyler and his family, and she was gutted with pain in a way that I just couldn’t quite understand. And then eventually I realized she was reliving 1998, reliving a time when she sat by my bed every night…a time when she made me shower with the bathroom door open…a time when both of my parents feared that I would be humiliated to death.”
It was Tyler’s story and a growing feeling that enough is enough that urged Monica to step willfully back into the public sphere to share her experience.
“Too many parents have learned of their child’s suffering and humiliation after it was too late…Tyler’s senseless tragic death was a turning point for me…and I then began to look at the world of humiliation and bullying around me and see something different.”
She points to research that cyberbullying has been on a steep incline, and that, “humiliation [is] a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.”
“What we need is a cultural revolution — public shaming as a bloodsport has to stop, and it’s time for an intervention on the internet and our culture.”
She calls for a return to compassion and empathy on and offline, and finishes by telling those who suffer from ridicule that they “can insist on a different ending to [their] story.”
Watch the full TED talk below:
Drew C. Smith
She’s not a slut. She is a media whore. And not wrapped too tight, I might add.
AxelDC
A slut is someone who sleeps around, and I can respect that. Lewinsky is a homewrecker, someone who purposefully seeks to destroy another marriage. Here it is 20 years later and all she has done with her life is cash in on her infamy. It seems she is just as much the attention seeker at 41 as she was at 23.
Ron King
All the men in the audience were enthralled… Those lips.
Cam
She wanted to do a reality show, then it was designing things like shoes or purses, and now it’s the “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, so let me tell you all about it, because, you know, I don’t want to talk about it……..but you know, let me tell you about it again ok?
She lives in 3 different cities with no visible means of support, no job, and attends the Golden Globes with celebrity friends. Seems like she is angling to be another Kardashian.
As for the comparison to Tyler Clementi, he was target because of who he was a young gay man.
Lewinsky, on the other hand, was involved in a sex scandal with a married man who also happened to be the most powerful politician in the most powerful country on the planet. It’s a little different. I don’t begrudge her trying to make a buck, but every time anybody with the name Clinton runs it sees she pops back up talking about how “She doesn’t want to talk about this stuff”.
onthemark
It’s a weird definition of “slut” if you’re having sex with only one person.
Anyway, if we learned anything back in the ’90s, we learned that oral sex isn’t real sex!
Bob LaBlah
“Nobody knows more about public shame and humiliation than Monica Lewinsky,”
Speaking of shame and humiliation guess what happened to ol’ Linda Tripp. That old ugly poodle-looking whore won her lawsuit but EVERY dime went to her attorneys. She received absolutely NOTHING for being the mastermind of what was suppose to be Clinton’s downfall. As a matter of fact the last thing ol’ Bill did the day he left office was fire her ass. The next day the Republicans dumped her because she was no longer any use to them.
Lastly imagine a sitting president who was IMPEACHED by the senate but the Senate Majority Leader, ol’ Bob Livingston, ended up having to resign do to an extra marital affair. Poetic justice for them all, including this little whore whom to this day I still say KNEW damn well what she was doing and how it was going to end. Innocence her ass. Thanks to her, Tripp and the senate ol’ Bill Clinton was the first “black” president, a title Clinton allegedly rolled all over the floor laughing about when he first heard the rumors and to this day has never “denied”. He cried all the way to the bank thanks to ALL of them.
lauraspencer
I only have sympathy for this woman. She was a young lady of 23 who was taken advantage of by a man old enough to be her father who held the highest level of office. To this day she still suffers from her youthful errors, yet Bill Clinton does not.
I always felt it was a clear case of workplace sexual harassment. The President of the US slept with an intern. If that happened in any workplace the young intern would not be blamed. It would be the person in the position of power.
I do think she needs to move on with her life, but with her still looking the same and her name being synonymous with scandal it must be difficult to actually get a real job or create obstacles in finding real relationships.
AxelDC
@lauraspencer: Don’t give me that sexist “poor young lady” garbage. Lewinsky was 5 years older than the military recruits we threw into Iraq and Afghanistan. No one calls a 23 year old soldier a “boy”, so why do we call a 23 year old White House employee a poor young girl?
She was old enough to know what she was doing. She pursued the President hard. He should have been man enough to send her away, but she is not innocent in this affair.
If she were penitent, she wouldn’t be trying to cash in on her infamy 20 years later. What has she done with her life to move on? She’s now a 23 year old in a 41 year old body, still living off her sex scandal long after everyone else moved on.
gauty
@AxelDC: Some Tension Tamer might do you good.
@lauraspencer: I agree. He had an enormous psychological and authoritative advantage over her, and it really IS because of sexism that she got put out to pasture and he’s still now considered charming for being the winking good ol’ boy who grabs at interns’ asses like a naughty grandpa.
lauraspencer
@AxelDC….I’m not sure where you got the quote “poor young lady” from. Re-read. I never used the word “poor”.
As ex-military I didn’t mean any disrespect to young servicemen.
I don’t see how a 23 year old could pursue the President “hard”. She wasn’t experienced enough to know how to seduce a man. A 52 year old married man who was smart enough to become President should know the difference between right and wrong.
The point I was making is that Lewinsky to this day is the bad guy, yet the one who was truly responsible doesn’t face the same stigma that she does.
Saint Law
@AxelDC: “long after everyone else moved on.”
Not everyone, it would seem.
Cam
@lauraspencer: said…….”I don’t see how a 23 year old could pursue the President “hard”. She wasn’t experienced enough to know how to seduce a man.”
_______________________-
So according to you no college aged woman knows how to seduce a man? Are you really saying that?
AxelDC
@lauraspencer: Apparently you didn’t read the Starr report.
I’m pretty sure most women know how to seduce men. It’s really not that hard, especially if he already finds you attractive. My mother was 22 when I was born and 20 when she got married.
The reason Lewinsky is the villain in this is because she is ONLY famous for sleeping with the President. What else has she done with her life? If she hadn’t wormed her way into the Oval Office, you would never know her name.
Bill Clinton certainly took his lumps over the affair. The GOP badly overplayed their hand trying to impeach him over a silly love affair. You can decide if it was punishment enough for your tastes, but to say he got off scott-free is implausible.
As for Hillary Clinton, the American Right seems to see her as the Wicked Witch in this drama. How is the aggrieved wife and mother anything but a victim in an adulterous relationship?
lauraspencer
@Cam…A 23 year old young woman or 23 year old young man can easily seduce someone their own age. I find it hard to believe they could seduce someone older and more experienced.
I am 41 and would never unknowingly be seduced by a 23 year old. It wouldn’t have happened at 31 either. I might PLAY the game that I was seduced, but I wouldn’t truly be. Age brings experience for MOST people. A 23 year old certainly isn’t more sexually advanced than someone 10, 20 or in the case of Clinton 30 YEARS OLDER.
A chubby, average looking young woman DID NOT seduce the President of the United States. He seduced her.
Cam
@lauraspencer:
You seem to have a weird view, that this is an either/or situation. I’m not saying Clinton wasn’t a douche-bag, who violated sexual harassment policies in this.
But just because I feel that way, to claim that a 23 year old doesn’t know how to seduce an older man is ridiculous.
Did Anna Nichole Smith not know how to seduce the very very old millionaire she married?
lauraspencer
@AxelDC….Hillary is not a victim.
This isn’t 1965 and Tammy Wynnette singing STAND BY YOUR MAN. Hillary chooses to stay with Bill. She has the education, finances, etc. to live on her own. It’s not like she needs Bill to pay her mortgage on her trailer and keep their 5 kids clothed.
Hillary obviously has no problem with “cheating”…..Paula Jones, Jennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky. And if stories are to believed today, Bill Clinton is currently with another woman.
Monica is the victim. Not Bill & Hillary.
And before I get attacked for being Republican…I am not. I’m registered Democrat and voted for Clinton twice. If I had to do it again I wouldn’t but I did make the mistake twice.
Paco
@AxelDC: “As for Hillary Clinton, the American Right seems to see her as the Wicked Witch in this drama. How is the aggrieved wife and mother anything but a victim in an adulterous relationship?”
Because she didn’t publicly play the role of an aggrieved wife and mother as they expected her to do, and I am sure it irritated them to no end.
Cam
@lauraspencer:
So the woman who was cheated on is somehow the bad person and the woman who knowingly messed around with the married man is the victim?
You seem like you might need to explore your thought process.
lauraspencer
@Cam…Anna Nicole Smith did not seduce J. Howard Marshall. She didn’t have to. If he was in his right mind he knew he was lucky to be getting Anna in his bed. He was a zillionaire and he knew that his wealth could get him anything he wanted in life.
If he was suffering from Alzheimer’s (not sure if he was in his right mind at the time) then it wasn’t seduction it was a senior citizen being taken advantage of.
SteveDenver
What a horrible position for Lewinsky: she continues to unearth and polish her experience in public.
A gay Jewish boy comes home to tell his mom he has met the most wonderful woman. She’s beautiful, her family is from Beverly Hills, and she once worked in the White House. His mom is overjoyed that her son may not be gay after all and asks, “What is her name?”
“Monica. Monica Lewinsky.”
His mom immediately calms down and asks, “What happened to that handsome Catholic boy you were dating last summer?”
SteveDenver
What a horrible position for Lewinsky: she continues to unearth and polish her experience in public.
A gay Jewish boy comes home to tell his mom he has met the most wonderful woman. She’s beautiful, her family is from Beverly Hills, and she once worked in the White House, and she is JEWISH! His mom is overjoyed that her son may not be gay after all and asks, “What is her name?”
“Monica. Monica Lewinsky.”
His mom immediately calms down and asks, “What happened to that handsome Catholic boy you were dating last summer?”
lauraspencer
@Cam….Hillary knew what she was getting when she married and stayed with Bill. She was not cheated on. It didn’t come to surprise to her. She knows that Bill “cheat” (I’m sure the Clintons don’t call it that). Hillary is not a victim.
If Hillary had such a problem with Bill. Why is she still with him after numerous affairs? If she is a victim then she is allowing herself to be victimized.
lauraspencer
@SteveDenver….thanks for that! Very funny and sadly true.
Cam
@lauraspencer:
So lets see, Anna Nichole Smith didn’t know how to seduce a man, No college age woman knows how to seduce a man.
Ok, we get it, in your world, apparently women are stupid, and wonder through life innocently being swept away by men, and they have no idea or control over what happens in their world.
But wait, you can’t have it both ways. So Monica and other women have nothing to do with the relationships they end up in, BUT, Hillary is responsible because “She knew what she was getting”.
So to clear that up, women have no stake in what happens to them, and no responsibility. Unless they are Hillary Clinton, in HER case, if somebody else sleeps with her husband, it is apparently her own fault.
Seriously, I get it, you don’t like the Clintons. But do you actually read what you type out before clicking the “Post Comment” button?
Cam
@SteveDenver:
LOL!!!!
polarisfashion
How many of us can truthfully say, I did not have sexual relations with that woman? Or any woman for that matter?
jason smeds
Cry me a river, Monica. You chose to have an affair with a married man. Did you not think that you were making a poor choice?
Also, how much money are you making from your tour, Monica?
buzzmonk
I don’t get it. If she doesn’t like public shaming, why doesn’t she just go away)?
onthemark
@polarisfashion: Well of course, that depends on what the definition of “is” is!
ppp111
Honestly, Clinton knew what he was doing but so did she. It takes two to tango so saying goes. Anyway, I don’t begrudge her for trying to make some sort of living; I think anything she does will always go back to the incident. BTW, I still believe Hilary was the victim in this in that she had to endure the humiliation of the scorned wife. Granted, she stayed with Bill but why she chose to stay is their business. I’d say Clinton practically came out unscathed in all this. He’s still popular today as he was back during his term. With the exception of possibly Reagan, Clinton will be remembered long after Bush and Obama.
Alex Rothwell
I think she talks about some important things. Girls that are shamed for lots of reasons and then kill themselves. That’s horrible.
lauraspencer
@Cam…women aren’t stupid. I would argue that women are actually smarter than men by a longshot.
What I’m saying has nothing to do with one’s sex. It is more about the age.
A 23 year old woman isn’t going to seduce a 52 year old man who is the President of the United States. You are making it seems like Clinton is the victim who was so easily seduced by a temptress. He was a man with 30+ years on her of life experience. He had a wife at home. She didn’t have to seduce him. He didn’t need to be enticed. He wasn’t an innocent who was lead astray. He was the experienced adult. Not Monica.
A 27 year old Anna Nicole Smith met an 88 year old J. Howard Johnson. I am not sure if he was of sound mind when he met her due to his age, but by all accounts he was. I don’t think he was an innocent that Anna lead down a path that he didn’t want to go…even if it was in his walker.
You say that I think women are stupid, but I would suggest that you have a dislike for women and make them to be “bad” and that they are responsible for smart, successful, old men doing wrong things.
Hillary was in her 30s when she knew about Paula Jones and Jennifer Flowers and in her 40s/50s when Monica happened. She was old enough to know what to do to take care of herself. Obviously, she felt staying with a man who didn’t respect her or their family was more important to her.
I do not dislike all the Clintons. I feel sorry for Chelsea.
Captain Obvious
This stupid whore is still crying as if she was a 12 year old who didn’t know what she was doing.
You tried to destroy a marriage, you hurt a family. Ho, sit down.
Always cashing in on the ugly damage she’s done. Stupid, worthless, cow.
CCTR
@lauraspencer: Good point!
Giancarlo85
Wow college age women don’t know how to seduce older men? What fucking planet do some live on here? Oh yes, it’s all Bill’s fault isn’t it? Damn laura, thanks for pointing out your tirade… it’s mostly baseless crap.
Bob LaBlah
@SteveDenver: Thank you got that one. I retold it about an hour ago at happy hour and the ENTIRE place roared.
Cam
@lauraspencer: said… “@Cam…women aren’t stupid. I would argue that women are actually smarter than men by a longshot.”
________________________________
Ok, so now we have it. Women are always the victim and never have any responsibility for anything that happens. Unless of course they are Hillary Clinton, then they are responsible for everything.
And along with women being victims, naive, and not responsible for anything, now they are also smarter then men by a longshot.
Once again, do you even bother to read what you’ve typed before you click on the “Post” button? In other posts you defended the anti-gay bigot, and here on this post you have hit every button for being a sexist from every direction possible.
If you want to pretend you aren’t a crazy LCR person, you probably shouldn’t use FOX News’s exact words when you lay out their talking points.
Wilberforce
I know it’s unfair, and I know I shouldn’t think this way. But I’ll always detest this ho. I love the Clintons and the Gores. They are policy experts and some of the most brilliant liberals of our generation. Along with Barney Frank. Oh please let’s not forget Barney Frank.
Anyway, thanks to that ho, the Clinton presidency ground to a halt. I will always detest her.
Wilberforce
And I’ll always remember how Barney fought the impeachment tooth and claw.
Giancarlo85
Funny that the republicans wanted to impeach Clinton, but when that criminal Bush was guilty of all sorts of crimes not a word about impeachment.
ingyaom
How many people commenting here actually listened to the talk? Not many, I would guess.
tusgold
This wasn’t Bills first extra marrital and yes Monica did seduce the President. both can be true at the same time. It’s sort of like saying you can’t rape a prostitute.
1EqualityUSA
My conspiracy theory side says the Republicans are paying her to revive the scandal again (now) for the 2016 race.
1EqualityUSA
What was the only gift Lewinsky didn’t return? (The string of pearls)
enfilmigult
Geez, the comments here. I never get why people have knives out for the party who DIDN’T make a lifelong commitment to someone else, and act like the person who did—the one actually putting the “extramarital” in “extramarital affair” was powerless to resist. Especially in this case, where the guy was President and the woman was an intern. If you really think she was the one who ultimately decided whether any hanky-panky was going to happen, you’re dreaming.
Cam
@enfilmigult:
And yet ANOTHER comment pretending that because Clinton was a Douche, that Lewinsky in no way did anything wrong.
She was a college graduate, so she wasn’t a child, other people are married with kids before 23. Did she know he was married?
Yeah, Clinton was an adulterer and a douche, that doesn’t change the fact that the people on here Claiming Monica was sweet, naive, and a victim, while Hillary is somehow the one at fault are beyond partisan ridiculousness.
She wasn’t randomly targeted by internet bullies because she was gay, or black, or a woman. She was written about because she was involved in a sex scandal with arguably the most powerful man in the world at the time, who was also married.
Saint Law
@Captain Obvious: She tried to destroy a marriage? What marriage was that?
Saint Law
An abject, calculating, publicity hungry skank. What did Lewinsky see in him?
Cam
@Saint Law: LOL!
Cam
@Saint Law: said…. “@Captain Obvious: She tried to destroy a marriage? What marriage was that?”
_______________________________
Comments like these are attempts to try to claim again, that Monica was the naive victim and Hillary was somehow the evil one because, she wasn’t really married anyway.
Nice try.
Low Country Boy
Crazy thought: If you do not want to get called out for your bad (consensual) behavior, do not do it, especially if you used that bad behavior to MAKE MONEY!!! THAT is NOT slut-shaming!!!
Billy Budd
I don’t feel sorry for her. She is an attention seeker. Please remember that she wrote an opportunistic autobiography during the times of the scandal. She wants CASH and she is indeed a B-I-T-C-H.
nature boy
I respect and applaud Ms Lewinsky for being willing to discuss her experiences in public forum with the goal of helping elevate a discussion on global shaming/bullying. I don’t think anyone gets rich off TED talks. But at a certain point in your life you realize that the bad decisions you made/ bad stuff that happened to you/ consequences you had to deal with in life have in fact made you a better, stronger person and… you are who you are. It’s part of your particular story and perspective. Most people want to make the world a better place and she certainly has a credible voice in this arena. I was always impressed by her resilience.
I know MANY gay men who had sexual dreams about Bill Clinton while he was in office. I told a friend about my surprise at having such a dream myself, and my friend replied that he had dreamed he was face down on the carpet in the oval office with his arm stretched out in front of him admiring a huge diamond ring on his finger while Bill gave it to him from the rear LOL. So he told me not to worry about it. The American public had a fascination with the Clinton/Lewinsky story on many, many levels.
A friend of mine in college used to substitute the word “stud” for “slut” to avoid gender discrimination when talking about number/ frequency of sexual partners. Monica Lewinsky is a stud in my book. An intern who got to blow the President in the oval office?? And survived to tell her story? I have no problem with that; if anything I think it’s pretty cool.
Captain Obvious
For those who feel sorry for this whore, try looking up her house… you know the one she lives in. She claims she can’t find a real job so she sells purses. Well Pookie on the street corner sells purses too and he’s not living in the house she is.
She’s full of it, living an undeserved wealthy life, and crying all the way to the bank with her pathetic sob story.
The only thing I blame Bill for is whipping it out for this skank. If you’re gonna cheat they damn sure better be unbelievably hot.
Lewinsky casually forgets that the only reason we even know her name is she set all of this up on purpose. Saving a cum stained dress, plotting out all the ways she could cash in on sleeping with a high powered married man, and doing every public interview possible to make sure her name was everywhere.
Whore, whore, whore, whore, whore. Now go away. We all forgot about you and here you are still constantly refreshing it for everyone.
RichardB
It’s a sad situation she’s in. I guess it never occurred to her that giving hummers to the President in the Oval Office would remain a secret. We all know how Clinton’s enemies swarmed this one as ants to sugar.
stranded
I think some of the comments are losing the message of her whole speech and that’s what is upsetting. Whether you’re still condemning Lewinsky or sympathizing with her, it’s not really the point of her TED talk. She’s talking about public shaming as a blood sport and how that’s influenced and increased online bullying. That’s actually something i’ve been seeing myself. When we ridicule a star like Britney Spears when they’re clearly going through a break down and we publicly laugh and ridicule, what kind of message are giving out to our children? I heard about one of the One Direction kids taking a jab at Bieber and now Bieber’s fans are threatening his life. Or 13 year old Mo’ne Davis who was called a slut by a college baseball player. There has to be consequences for what you put out there. That’s why i was happy to hear that guy was kicked out of his college. Reminds me of that story about the Coach who went after the guys who made rape threats towards his daughter.
Cam
@stranded: said “I think some of the comments are losing the message of her whole speech and that’s what is upsetting.”
_____________________
No, she is doing two things.
1. She is claiming she doesn’t want to talk about what she did, and the Clintons, then does practically nothing but talk about it.
2. She tries to compare herself to Tyler Clementi, somebody who was targeted for being gay and driving to suicide. Tyler was bullied for who he was. Monica had sex with the most powerful man in the world, who was also married and the press reported on it.
VERY VERY different situations, but she certainly has the “Damsel in distress” victim role down pat.
As for not being able to find a job, she lives in London, NYC, and Los Angeles, and attends the Golden Globes with her celebrity friends. Maybe her not having a job is because she has no incentive to get one, living well in 3 of the most expensive cities in the world seems like she has PLENTY of money. Money, you know the reason most people GET jobs.
Bob LaBlah
Does anyone else see a “connection” here in the sense where from 200-2008 this bitch was more or less history but for some strange reason or other her ass is NOW being resurrected? Doesn’t SOMETHING sound just “not quite right” with this?
willfabfitz
@Captain Obvious: You’re honestly so stupid, if you bothered to look into her family, you’d know she comes from a wealthy family so who cares what her house looks like. She didn’t need to plot to gain money, she already had it. And while she may not be innocent, she did not deserve to be bashed by the entire country. And all these comments on here is exactly what she’s talking about. So stop being such an dick on here
Cam
@willfabfitz:
I notice that everybody keeps talking about how she was “Bashed”. Really? So apparently the news media reporting on a college graduated woman sleeping with the married leader of the free world is “Bashing” her?
And while you’re pretending to be outraged, here is a little bit back at you. How dare she compare herself to Tyler Clementi, a person targeted for who he was through no fault of his own.
And lastly, uh, YEAH, her being rich is EXACTLY what we are pointing out. She claims she “Can’t” find a job. Yet part of the problem is no doubt that she has zero incentive to find a job. So trying to claim that this has prevented her from working is B.S. If she set her mind to finding a job, she would have one, but she doesn’t need one so apparently hasn’t.
Now you can pretend to be outraged that somebody dared to disagree with her. Apparently in her world, pointing out that she made decisions as an adult is akin to the bullying that Tyler Clementi faced.