When we last heard from this self-described heteroflexible Redditor, things weren’t going so well on the homefront.
He broached the subject of his once-in-a-blue-moon desire to get down with other guys with his girlfriend, and it didn’t go so smoothly.
Related: Guy Comes Out As “Heteroflexible” To His Girlfriend. It Doesn’t Go Well.
Well, turns out the saying is true: communication really is everything.
How about we take this to the next level?
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He recently updated the internet on his relationship bump and what he learned from it:
So this is a bit late, but there was a lot of interest in my last post and I thought I’d give you guys an update on what happened.
She came back from her trip late that night and we sat down immediately to have a talk. I had this big plan about what I was going to say and how to explain what my feelings were better, give everything more context etc. but in the end none of it was necessary as she dove straight in..
She said that she was sorry that her reaction was a little harsh. She explained that she has zero problem with gays/bisexuals but that when it’s with her own partner it feels different. She agreed maybe it is close-minded but she said it’s an instinctive reaction. She said she is honestly not 100% comfortable with the idea, but that realistically it isn’t that big of a deal. She said she doesn’t truly understand the whole “it’s more about dick than being attracted to men” thing, but that she understands human sexuality is complex and believes me.
She said that she really liked how I explained myself with regards to saying assertively that I know exactly what I feel, what I want and that it’s for nobody else to try and tell me otherwise. Apparently my confidence in my sexuality and that the fact that I seem completely unconflicted with it makes it less of big deal.
So, in the end, I just kind of nodded and said that she had pretty much already come to all of the conclusions that I was about to try and get her to. We laughed and made up.
So it’s been over a week now and there have no more issues. She has actually brought it up a few times in a humorous way, making fun of me, which I am totally okay with. I’m just glad it’s all out in the open and not too big of a deal anymore.
tl;dr: Girlfriend does a u-turn, ends up being, if not 100% comfortable, able to accept it and be okay with the fact. Lesson learnt – give people time to process things before jumping to totalistic conclusions.
EDIT – Also, I think I am just going to go all out and state early in a relationship that I would say I am 95% straight. That way you can avoid major conflict later if it would be an issue and also I think you can learn a lot about a person in how they react.
Enlightened mostly-straight guy for the win.
Robert Queen
Don’t get it !! don’t believe it
Robert Queen
No way x
Tobi
In other news a “heteroflexible” guy has been found with a pair of Jimmy Choo’s rammed in his gob.
Kevin Patterson
It’s called bisexual and the term has been around for a while. I hate the fact that people make up names for something that has been around forever!
Giancarlo85
Make believe story from the BS factory known as Reddit. Probably someone’s dumb fantasy.
etseq
Again, since when is Reddit a reliable source for news? This seems to be a really crappy and cheap way for Queerty to pad their content with useless filler.
sportsguy1983
Heteroflexible? What a bunch of bull crap
Marky
She’s just thinking of two letters: “D” and “P”.
jayj150
Oh look, another bisexual man without the balls to admit his sexuality. I bet he blames “bisexual erasure” on gay men.
zooby
@jayj150: Exactly. Typical closeted coward.
meghanada
Can Queerty have a straight-free week? How about weekend? a day?
Brian
It’s great that he hasn’t been successfully bullied by the GLBTQI “community” into identifying as gay. Even if a man is only 5% attracted to men, this community will attempt to lasso him into identifying as gay. It’s a lame attempt to create poster children for the gay identity politics movement.
I’m also pleased that women haven’t bullied him into identifying as gay.
Cam
@Brian:
Oh look! Brian took time off from defending anti-gay bigots to defend the closet!
Somebody summarized this guy in the article so perfectly on the first post, basically saying, Isn’t it funny that people who claim to hate labels never seem to mind the ones with “hetero” or “straight” in them.
Brian
@Cam: It’s gay-identifying men who go around dividing men into categories. Straight-identifying men rarely do it.
Gay-identifying men are classification queens – don’t deny it.
1EqualityUSA
The two in the pic look synthetic. Brian, Jason smeds, this ought to appeal to you.
Cam
@Brian: said…. “@Cam: It’s gay-identifying men who go around dividing men into categories. Straight-identifying men rarely do it.”
_________________________________
Brian, (Jason) I get that you like to just make up stuff. But here is a thought for you. If it’s GAYS that always have to classify, then why is it a slate of candidates who are all heterosexual that constantly bring homosexuality up, attack LGBT rights, and try to stoke up bigotry against the community to raise money.
Mike Huckabee isn’t some gay guy being a “Classification Queen”, he is a straight guy who can’t stop talking about gays.
But then again, it isn’t as if you ever say anything that has any basis in fact anyway.
ronwol
Boy, everyone is getting in an uproar over nothing! If you all knew the origin’s of this word, I think you would all forget about it. This work was spoken in a gay movie titled “Where The World Mine” made and shown in 2009-2010. And it is spoken NOT by a male but by a female actor (FYI the actor was Robin Williams daughter, Zelda). I think if you all would do a little research on things, you would find they have little or no real meaning.
NoCagada
@Cam: AMEN, Cam…
NoCagada
@Brian: Child…there you are, again…Do you not realize that you are making generalizations about the people that you claim are always making generalizations (you call them “classification”)?
You must be one very lonely human being…very lonely.
moldisdelicious
Am I the only guy that thinks that someone madw the story up to troll for fun?
onthemark
As a lot of posters pointed out in the first comment thread, the Kinsey scale (1 thru 6) is a better gauge for this situation.
Since the Kinsey scale is from 1948 it may even predate the word “bisexual.” I mention that because so many here are always so mysteriously outraged that “there’s already a word for it” and so on. I don’t get why etymology should matter so much anyway, but there you go.
This guy, assuming he’s real, sounds like a Kinsey 2. But is a Kinsey 2 “bisexual”? To this Kinsey 6 that seems like quite a stretch!
Giancarlo85
Kinsey is not someone we should be citing… A lot of his work has been discredited.
@Brian: Not only do you come off as homophobic once again, but also the typical misogynist.
You have a lot of issues you need to work on.
onthemark
If someone is “95% straight” is he “bisexual”? That’s unrealistic.
If someone says he’s “95% straight” should we always assume he’s lying and is really 50 or 60% gay? Also unrealistic. And also WHY, exactly, should we assume that?
Masc Pride
Starting to seem like this was all made up. It’s like a whole storyline now lol. There definitely are women out there that are totally into heteroflexible and bisexual men. In my experiences, most women that don’t mind their guys being into other guys tend to be bi as well, which is actually how I prefer it.
@onthemark: This is why another term (heteroflexible) is sensible. There’s definitely a difference between “heteroflexibility” and bisexuality.
Giancarlo85
Heteroflexible is not a real term and has nothing to do with reality. Again, it’s just a term made up by desperate fake masculine queens who want to get into bed with straight men.
Cam
@onthemark: said….”If someone is “95% straight” is he “bisexual”? That’s unrealistic.
If someone says he’s “95% straight” should we always assume he’s lying and is really 50 or 60% gay? Also unrealistic. And also WHY, exactly, should we assume that?”
___________________________________
If somebody is “95% Straight” then I doubt this would even be a concern to him. Somebody “95% Straight” isn’t thinking about d**k while he is in bed with a woman.
onthemark
@Cam: But he’s not saying he’s 95% straight during all the occasions he’s actually “in bed with a woman.” He’s saying 95% straight during 24 hours 7 days a week.
Any new term can be objected to or argued about. But there’s still a reality. Does “bisexual” cover all of the reality in cases like this? Are neologisms prohibited? Says who?
Cam
@onthemark:
If he is 95% straight, then he is 95% straight. Saying that he is 95% straight until he thinks of a guy is no different than somebody saying “Oh, I’m never hungry, until I see food”.
onthemark
The word homosexual didn’t exist before 1869. This doesn’t mean that homosexuality and homosexuals didn’t exist before 1869.
The word gay wasn’t applied to male homosexuals before the 1920s or whenever it was.
I don’t know when the word bisexual first became common. (Someone here can probably tell us.) But I remember that in Queerty comments even as late as five years ago, the gay male consensus regarding male bisexuals was still: “oh, they’re all liars, they’re really gay!”
Neologisms are attempts at defining previously ill-defined reality.
alphacentauri
@Kevin Patterson: very true I’m bisexual and I don’t like people who do not actually just come out as bisexual and instead use other terms that mean bisexual like homoflexible, heteroflexible, pansexual, omnisexual, etc. yes it’s always possible that this guy’s GF is fine with him being bisexual as this is does happen, maybe she’s also bisexual?
onthemark
Btw, Queerty – I’ve been startled today at your ads from the WWF (World Wildlife Fund) asking us to “Symbolically adopt a tiger” or “Symbolically adopt a polar bear.”
SYMBOLICALLY… gee, what a relief they threw that in. Yes, a tiger or a polar bear would probably not be too happy living in my back yard. My neighbors probably wouldn’t be thrilled either.
See? Wording is important!
alphacentauri
@Cam: That’s not necessarily true as everyone that’s bisexual is different, and I’m not sure how people are able to figure out these hypothetical percents/ratios for someone’s sexuality?
onthemark
@alphacentauri: How are they a threat to you if they use a different word than bisexual? Aside from “I don’t like it,” what exactly is your objection?
onthemark
@alphacentauri: You say “everyone that’s bisexual is different.” (And I’m sure you’re right about that.) But if they’re all different, why should they all use the same word?
ethan_hines
@Kevin Patterson: Bisexual is too broad a term I believe we are better served using the Kinsey scale to chart our sexuality. I am Kinsey5 the OP is probably Kinsey1. I am 95% homosexual he is 95% heterosexual.
footwork61
“Gay” is whom you fall in love with, not with whom you sleep.
A survey by the CDC showed that up to 40% of men aged 18-35 had experienced anal sex at least once. Even if you assume 10% of the population is gay, that’s 4 times the number of people you would expect to find. The study said that some men like anal/prostate stimulation but don’t identify as gay or bisexual. They just want something to scratch their itch.
So, assuming the situation is as described, this guy may be one of those.
Let’s keep in mind that sexual orientation and sexual activity are not the same thing. Also, there is no such thing as “gay” sex, comments from Ben Carson notwithstanding.
da90027
Who gives a shit?
Masc Pride
@alphacentauri: Agreed. It’s also a faulty logic because a guy that admits to being 95 percent hetero is obviously acknowledging there is a percentage of the time he’s into men. I find it weird when people state percentages as well, but I think he’s just meaning to say he’s more hetero-oriented than bi (doesn’t desire to date men, wants to marry a woman and have kids, etc.).
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: Just more of the same nonsense you made up off the top of your head. You really don’t know anything about sexuality… so why do you even bother? And a straight man will never want you. Just a fact you’ll have to deal with.
mz.sam
@ronwol: Thanks for the backstory. Btw love, love, love ‘This World/Mine’ and Zelda.
Cam
@footwork61: said… ““Gay” is whom you fall in love with, not with whom you sleep.”
_____________________
What a load. Once again, does anybody notice all of the people desperately trying to defend the closet here?
This is the same crap that closet cases say when they claim that they are sexually attracted to men, but romantically attracted to women.
In other words, don’t just them for marrying a woman that they have no interest in because gee, it’s “Romantic”, but please pretend not to notice that they’re online all the time trying to get sex from men.
onthemark
@Cam: But this guy isn’t in the closet. He came out to his girlfriend about this. (Assuming he is real.)
Seriously, WTF is wrong with you on this subject? You’re usually so sensible!
onthemark
@Cam: “when they claim that they are sexually attracted to men, but romantically attracted to women.”
SO WHAT? Even if that’s true in any case, how does that affect your life? Actually there are a lot of 100% GAY guys who fit that description. I’ve never personally understood it – I’m not the “f@g-hag” type – but to each his own, it doesn’t affect my life.
@onthemark: “they’re online all the time trying to get sex from men.”
Again, SO WHAT? Not my thing, but it doesn’t affect my life. Although I suppose it’s a turn on for those on the Queerty staff who are so obsessed with “straight” guys.
spemat
ahhhh, the bisexual umbrella divided, just what the gays want.