Father Knows Best

Anatomy Of A Letter From A Dad Disowning His Gay Son

Just when you thought it was safe to come out to your parents, it’s Idiotic Letters from Asshole Dads II: This Time It’s Literal.

Reddit user “RegBarc” came out to his dad a few years ago and, according to the letter he posted, the old man apparently didn’t take it too well: Assuming the letter is legit, he wrote a disarmingly direct letter that basically told his own son that he’s dead to him.

But let’s taker a closer look at the hand-scribbled note and what Daddy’s really saying:

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write.”

Translation: “Your mother doesn’t know I’m writing this.”

“I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past.”

Translation: “Remember when I created you, raised you and loved you like a  son? Well, that’s all over now that you’ve up and decided to make your life—and more importantly, my life—miserable by choosing to be gay. We had fun, though, huh?”

“Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house.”

Translation: “I plan on seeing Jehovah’s Witnesses at my doorstep more often than you. And, unlike you, they’ll actually be invited in. As for your ‘decorating tips’ for the dining room, I see now they were made by Satan and therefore I can have nothing to do with them. The wallpaper stays.”

“You’ve made your choice, though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle.”

Translation: “I told you from the jump, it was either me or this gay business. God may have infinite love and compassion, but not when it comes to that, Mister. He drew that line a while ago. [Cites some obscure Bible passage.]”

“If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand.”

Translation: “It’s impolite to dance on someone’s grave.”

“Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted.”

Translation: “Well, guess I’ll be seeing you never. Oh, hey—could you return this Blu-ray player to Best Buy? Oh, wait, wrong letter.”

“Goodbye, Dad.”

Translation:  “Let me know when you stop being gay. Mom’s expecting you for Thanksgiving.”

“Family” is an interesting word in the queer community, mostly because it can mean so many things. That a father—the man who helped raise you and become who you are today—could so flippantly turn his back on his son is not a testament to the times we live in, or what Chick-Fil-A is doing.

It’s a testament to shitty parenting.

A family, traditional or not, is supposed to care about you and stick by you when times are good or when times are gay. Which is why “family” in the queer community is what you make it. It’s the people that love and accept you for who you are, not the people who were there for the first 18 years or so of your life.

Hopefully, RegBarc will keep that in mind whenever he sees this letter and, if he hasn’t already, will find a family that will love him for all that he is.