Andy Cohen recently described himself as a “gold star gay,” meaning he’s never engaged in sexual intercourse with a woman, while chatting with his BFF Anderson Cooper. Now, blogger David Kaufman over at Quartzy is taking the 49-year-old Bravo exec to task.
“From Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to RuPaul’s Drag Race, there’s always been a level of convivial silliness about LGBT pop culture,” Kaufman writes. “But nothing has ever quite reached the sheer pettiness of the Gold Star phenomena.”
Related: Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper dish on who’s the bigger freak in bed
He continues:
How about we take this to the next level?
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It’s not that there’s anything wrong—or necessarily right—about gays or lesbians who’ve only gone horizontal with their own gender. After all, same-sex attraction is at the core of LGBT identity. The problem is that qualifying sexual histories with terms like “Gold Star” adds a level of competitiveness to LGBT identity that’s not only inane—it’s downright divisive.
The term “gold star,” Kaufman feels, implies there’s a right and wrong way to be gay. Not to mention, it’s elitist. And that’s not cool.
Related: Andy Cohen is not here for gay comment trolls
Kaufman continues:
Not every gay person has had the ability—or, yes, privilege—to avoid “performing” heterosexuality before they were able to come out. Indeed, for many young men and women, “acting straight” isn’t just an expression of sexual ambiguity—it’s literally an act of survival. Embedded in communities where rejecting straightness can mean losing their families, jobs and even their lives, chasing some nebulous gilded star is as removed from their realities as…well…being a millionaire cable TV executive or heir to an American dynastic fortune.
What do you think? Does Kaufman have a point or is he being overly sensitive? Share your thoughts in the comments section…
h/t: Quartzy
Daveliam
I think this is overly sensitive. Who cares?
That being said, Andy Cohen IS an elitist asshole. He has a reputation of being pushy and demanding with the service industry. He once DEMANDED that a restaurant in Times Square serve him brunch despite them not having it on their current menu. And when they wouldn’t accommodate, he threatened to badmouth them on social media. He’s a dick.
Brody
Not only that, Cohen apparently thinks it’s a good idea to pose for photos with his legs spread from Chicago to L.A., almost as if he believes he’s treating us to something.
tameron1
Andy Cohen no longer has my interest or support. I do not watch his show on Bravo, nor will I watch his ‘gay” New Year’s Eve show with Anderson Cooper. He is a New York elitist snob and a punk-ass little celebrity sycophant. and does not represent anyone I know in the gay community. Additionally, he and his PUCK BUDDY Anderson Cooper have dumped on the comedian Kathy Griffin for taking a stand against the criminal, traitor, and rapist in the White House. Both of them apparently think that their excrement doesn’t stink. I am so over these high-profile gays who give the community a really bad name. “Gold Star”? How about disgusting!
jpcolter
Right, so you must have been there to witness it, huh? You’re an idiot that just parrots unfounded gossip.
baal61
Obviously.
AlbertW
Daveliam, I agree 100% with your comment. He comes across as an elitist asshole with an arrogant air about him. He sits in the photo with his legs spread and a smirk on his face. Someone good looking like Giulio Berruti, James Franco, or Prince Harry…..I could look at for hours. But Andy Cohen….Please ! He is only looking for press.
JaredMacBride
Kaufman must be the type of laddie who enjoys finding things to be butt hurt about. Not sure why I ought to care any more about his thoughts than I do about Cohen’s sex history, which is zero.
mujerado
I’ve never understood people who care so much about letting us know they don’t care that they take the time to post how much they don’t care.
babaloo
I’m a platinum gay as I was aCesarean baby and no part of my body has ever touched a vagina. It’s all in good fun. If you get worked up about this, go get some therapy.
BGinBigD
LOL I like your sense of humor.
PinkoOfTheGange
So to achieve Diamond: C-section and bottle fed?
Aximill
Platinum gay here. Was born via c-section.
tricky ricky
oh how i wish i had been!
Brody
A haughty, liberal, gay New Yorker is also an elitist?
Next thing you’ll be suggesting is that fire is just a little bit warm.
dean089
LOL! That’s a ‘gold star’ comment.
SeaNMtnsJon
I’m sorry – this literally is one of the most ridiculous articles I’ve read in a long time. I could see him calling Mr. Cohen an elitist on other grounds but calling him an elitist for referring to himself as a “gold star gay,” is not elitist. This is another overly sensitive article by a member of the LBGTQXZ?I!€#% community and yes I just put more letters on there because there are so many new ones each year I can’t keep up, nor can the media or the general public, but that’s another story. We have GOT to become less sensitive when people express themselves. If Mr. Cohen wants to call himself a gold star gay it is seriously a big who cares. Some of us have slept with women some of us have not. That term has been around FOREVER. I’ve never taken offense to it, ever. It’s fine he’s never slept with women those who have or have not either way I don’t hold them in higher or lower regard. Seriously absurd. Bring on the comments because all of you have to be outraged about everything.
geb1966
EXACTLY
lovetennis2
Really don’t care if he is or isn’t, but using the term “gold star” usually refers to families who have lost a loved one in a military action/war and it really isn’t appropriate for his sexual identity. What Andy needs to do is not manspread in photos. Nobody wants to look at his undies bunched up in his crotch.
Kieru
“Gold Star” also refers to an awards club, various restaurants, a band, and an electronics store. That’s why there is always a disambiguation:
Gold Star Gay
Gold Star Family/Father/Mother/Daughter/Etc
Totally agree with you on Cohen’s man spreading though.
Kieru
If our community actually used these terms as meaningful status symbols instead of lighthearted humor I could see Kaufman’s point.
That being said; I have NEVER encountered their use in a serious tone. As a “gold star” homosexual I am not treated ‘better’ than my friends who have had sex with women; nor do I treat ‘platinum’ gays better for having been born via c-section.
It’s all just a joking little pissing contest to see who is ‘better’ in the least serious manner imaginable.
If you want to have a serious conversation on the LGBTQ+ community and its issues of divisiveness I might politely recommend focusing on issues related to race, age, and physical appearance… and less so on whether you’ve touched a vagina.
Hillers
? This a hundred times over.
Lvng1Tor
YES! Also the insinuation that some people had to have survival sex and therefore must be so scared that hearing I am *drumroll* a platinum gay, triggers the horror of having had sex with another gender and the shame they must feel. Are you F’n kidding me. I’m about as liberal as they come. I believe in the power of language, words matter and can do damage, but this is just throwing a pity party that says seeks to add to the overused privilege vs underprivilege where some people seek to make themselves a victim no matter what. It takes away from the bigger and real-world damage done to marginalized and underprivileged community members.
Kieran
It seems to be a hobby for some gays to find something—anything—-to be offended over. And they particularly relish finding something to criticize in someone gay.
mujerado
That’s a hobby for some PEOPLE, regardless of their sexuality. Why single out the gay ones for censure? Unless, of course, you’re not gay, in which case I know the answer.
IWantAFullBeard
Cross-eyed dude is pretty fugly.
Richard
Ridiculously oversensitive. I’m technically a platinum star gay. I never wanted to hide who I was at the expense of using someone else, and that’s really what he’s talking about. “Some people have to perform as a straight person for saftey reasons”. I understand the concept, I really do. But ” ____ star gay” is just a label as much as LGBTQIAA is. It’s not saying someone is any better than anyone else. Someone who comes up at 55 after marriage & having kids is no less “gay” than anyone else. Yes, it is easier for the current generation to qualify as this. I’m almost 40; gay bashing was a constant thing at my high school and hick town. I rfused to hide, but I understand here are people who just don’t acknowledge their feelings as early, or those who do but hide it.
This is campy terminology, and that is it. Stop looking for reasons to be offended. Someone who uses this label acknowledged something about themselves very early on. That should be a good thing, not punished by crying “elitism”.
Yes, there are some douchebags that will consider such a label to be important or a status raising thing. These, generally, are misogynistic men who don’t want to be “tainted” by women. That’s not everyone.
You’re not allowed to sashay in and steal a very old school campy way of identifying one’s self. Go be offended somewhere else.
Mandrake
What’s wrong with feeling elitist? Maybe a healthy dose of feeling elite would build some self esteem in those who need it.
scotshot
See: D J Trumpf
decampbell
Kaufman needs to GTFU. It’s this kind of shit-stirring that causes divisiveness. I saw the episode and there was nothing wrong with Andy saying this. I have plenty of issues with some things Andy says and does; this was not one of them.
footwork61
Why did I waste my time on this idiocy? Why did I waste more time complaining about wasting time?
I kissed a girl and I disliked it. Gimme a star.
salumbre
People seem to have a very short memory, as the expression “gold star gay” with that particular meaning has existed for a long time now. Andy Cohen hardly invented this.
That said, he IS an elitist dick.
ChazDC
I thought to be a truly “gold star gay” a guy had to never have had sex with a woman AND have been born via c-section….
Yakker77
That’s a platinum star lol
shakes_head
He’s definitely an elitist, but not because he’s never had sex with a woman. Next.
scotshot
The title used to be stickup bitch. It all works.
Minerva Pomerantz
Andy is mot manspreading he is doing the gay version while clothed.
He is presenting hole.
Edward OZ
That’s like when Donald Trump refers to himself as the greatest president of all time.
Both are pompous assholes.
Edward OZ
… and the manspread is gross
JoeyRamone
Yawn. gold star gay is a jokey expression meant to signify never having had straight sex. I’ve heard it from a number of millennials. IT’S A JOKE.
Besides, it’s a common fact that the coastal elites are better than the midwestern slush who voted for trump. It’s like saying the earth revolves around the sun. Oh, wait, some people who voted for Trump don’t believe that. My bad!
Geeker
This guy must have a pretty awesome life if he has time to get upset enough by a stupid term like Gold Star Gay to write an entire article about it.
djbear
On a number of occasions I have said I am one woman short of being 100% gay. People wonder since I was married to a woman and had children whether I am bi but I am ourely gay and had I known in the 50s it was possible to love and live with a man I would have avoided the intervening episode. Thus, I do not think being 100% or gold star is a bad term.
RandyC
I think he is being a lot over sensitive. Part of Andy’s charm is his sense of humor and being”Gold Star Gay” is funny to me…..
startenout
Dear Lord, it’s a joke and one that has been around forEVER. I mean they’ve already joked about it on Will & Grace with Jack proclaiming Platinum Gay status for being born via C-section. Can we PLEASE focus on the actions being taken against the LGBT community insteading of wasting articles about non-issues?
Ummmm Yeah
And the left wing extremist rape culture against gay men continues. Absolutely no one including lesbians are told they have to have sex with any other sex or race.
kansasteddybear
The articles on here keep getting more whiny every day. Gold star gays are elitist, if you are not attracted to _____(fill in the blank) you are ______. If you are a gay man and you can’t see yourself dating/having sex with a FTM trans person, you are transphobic. Etc, etc, etc. Yet many of these same activists think it is perfectly fine to have same feelings for an older, larger gay man like myself. Sad to say, the “gay community “ is often it’s own worst enemy.
Esscourt
I think he is an annoying, self-absorbed man-kunt.
BCBinOHP
Ouchie!! Don’t hold back Ess……let us know what you think of him/her/it
markhfreeman
First of all, who is Andy Cohen? I’ve heard of Anderson Cooper, he’s a newscaster.
Second of all, if it is vagina-free experience that qualifies one as “gold star” that is a total throwback to the days when gay men, in the closet, needed ways to identify themselves to each other. One was to wrinkle one’s nose at the mention of female genital parts or, at worst, refer to women with the deprecating label of “fish”– as in “smells like…” Anyone who is bisexual, by which I mean effectively 90% of all males, knows that woman have no more smell “down there” than men do, except those who don’t shower. Andy Cohen, hello??
Most of us since the AIDS era, when lesbians were often the only people who stepped up to support us when our community was in crisis, have female friends, often lesbians, and sometimes stuff happens. It is probably the most important difference between the current generations of gay men and those who are older (I include myself, Andy and Anderson) is that younger guys all have female friends, and think it is weird that others would not want that. And yes, affection, intimacy and experimentation with “the forbidden fruits” of the opposite gender is now common. If nothing else, a warm welcome to transgender people breaks some old-school sexual boundaries for a lot of folks now.
Last of all, maybe mister Cohen is bragging that he has never had sex with a non-gay man. If that is his “ewww” factor, it is ahistorical as well as silly. Up through the 1950s most gay men only had sex with straight men. Anything else was considered “lesbianism” for queens. And all gay men were queens, even if some might have been “leather” queens, rather than “opera”, “sweater”, “shower”, “movie”, “prissy” or “pushy” or any of the adjectival categories we used to describe ourselves and each other. Most fit into more than one. But in all my born days I never heard the modifier “Gold Star” applied to a gay guy. The closest was the phrase “A-gays” by which some attitude queens tried to distinguish themselves as a self-selective elite, in contrast to some more lower-class “B” gays. My guess is that’s what Andy Cohen really meant. If so, I’d have to give him at most an A-minus. And doesn’t he have anything better to do on New Year’s Eve than broadcast television? Hmm?
tricky ricky
all i’ve got to say about your entire comment is ewwwwwwwwwww. i’ve read gay new york and all the other books of that type. and i don’t buy the bisexual thing. and i’ve had a lot of female friends a lot of them lesbians, and they’d laugh their *sses off about sometimes things happen. it seems to me you’re going out of your way to be a contrarian. you start w/the falsehood that you don’t know who he is and end with a bill o’reilly what he really meant to say. you took up a lot of space to say nothing of any value. never heard the term before. it was on frigging network television. the repeat below attached to my comment is an error. they might want to refomat this system and put an edit and delete button on.
tricky ricky
I’M A GOLD STAR GAY TOO! i wish i was a platinum star gay like jack on will and grace.
tricky ricky
i’m oing to be 60 next week. i avoided heterosexuality easily for decades. you don’t have to have sex with women. i would never allow myself to be put into a position where i would even have to try. the very thought of cooze makes me nausous. i was in the closet for a long time and nobody ever thought i was gay despite my not dating.
tricky ricky
all i’ve got to say about your entire commnt is ewwwwwwwwwww. i’ve read gay new york and all the other books of that type. and i don’t buy the bisexual thing. and i’ve had a lot of female friends a lot of them lesbians, and they’d laugh their *sses off about sometimes things happen. it seems to me you’re going out of your way to be a contrarian. you start w/the falsehood that you don’t know who he is and end with a bill o’reilly what he really meant to say. you took up a lot of space to say nothing of any value. never heard the term before. it was on frigging network television
tricky ricky
corrections : going to be 60 next week. and the comment was ment for b-gay markhfreeman
mz.sam
BRAVO ANDY! He is so friggin’ HOT….and fortunately I’m also a GOLD STAR GAY! Sadly, I’m not an elitist like sexy Andy.
Jim A
“Gold Star Gay” is an innocuous comment, and has been used by the community for years.
Andy is doing 5 live shows a week plus holding down his day job. Cut him some slack.
batesmotel
Never heard of these new fad labels to learn. Never heard of “Gold star gay.” The majority of people don’t talk like that.
JamJewel
There is bound to be a “Gay Studies” course at a college near you!
OzJosh
When did everybody become so humourless?
ElPillo
If he were a vapid muscly 20 something self promoting in a skimpy bathing suit everyone would be living it. We are such a hard bunch.
JamJewel
As a poor, old gold star gay, please advise on how to go about becoming “considered superior by others, as in intellect, talent, power, wealth, or position in society.” [That’s the definition of ‘elitist’ for those who don’t know!]
Ronbo
Andy is an attention dog. Once you’ve patted him on the head, he won’t go away and, apparently, he will lick just about anything.
Ronbo
Edit: he will lick just about anything that will bring him fame. The male version of a Jenner-Kardashian.
amigay
Gold star or no star, he’s a pretentious, talentless hack, only famous for being famous.
PRdad56
I had someone show off to me at a bar saying he was a “gold star” gay.
I andwered:” Maybe so. I didn’t have the luxury of being able to come out until very late. No regrets, though. I have two loving children who live with me and give me their unconditional support daily. So I guess having sex with a woman, for me, had its rewards. I’d rather have my real kids than a silly nonexistent star.
Rex Huskey
he really is so very unattractive
nitejonboy
He’s like a Kardashian, he’s famous for being a nothing.
darren michaels
For a culture that is so focused on trying to avoid labels and not singling each other out, why perpetuate labels and singling each other out? As long as there is the constant need for adjectives to define an individual (ie.Black, White, Caucasian, African American, Gold star) prejudice will continue.
pdxatlnyc
He seems like a dick.
seknuf
What’s the term for only doing it once when it wasn’t even your idea? Ugh, I have experienced the social snobbery behind the term and agree that it is divisive, immature, and just don’t get why queer people try to rank the spectrum of sexuality in a hierarchical way.
Greg
I’d do him. He claims to be a total Top, but I have doubts about that. I think he just doesn’t like to admit that he likes it big, hard and deep.
isxios
Wow! It’s gotten really ridiculous out there! Soon it will be elitist for me to say I am gay. I mean, how dare I imply that I only want men sexually. I have to be inclusive of everyone at every step.
This is such horseshit!
gary69mike
Eh… I’d still like to do him.