Stereotypes ruin the party again. One guy says he has a problem keeping men’s attention as a black, “extremely masc” bottom because he doesn’t conform to perceptions of what bottoms should look and act like.
“I’m the big black muscle guy that looks like a top,” he writes on Reddit. “I’m 19, but I’m beefy as hell, so most people think I’m in my late 20s. I’m also a complete submissive bitch, but most guys don’t expect that out of me. I’m not opposed to topping, but I only like to top guys that I know will be around for a while (like a FWB or a romantic interest). I’ve been told I’m handsome and all of that, but all guys want is the lightweight twink they can throw around. All of my hookups have called me a big dude in a good way, but it seems like it isn’t the dream. Plus I’m black so everybody thinks I’m a top as well.” test
This author would be glad that he is the dream for some men. “How rare of a species is this?” one wrote in a DataLounge forum thread about masc bottoms. “I think I’ve finally found one, and, damn, am I in heaven.”
“Masculine bottom porn suggestions most welcome,” commented another user.
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On another DataLounge thread, someone asked if masculine guys bottoming is “hot or not.” Responses to that post included “very hot” and “the best.”
Related: Gay men, it’s time to get over your insecurity issues with feminine guys, blogger says
That addresses the perception that masculine men can’t be desired as bottoms, but what about the bias against black men as bottoms? Unfortunately, the Redditor is far from alone, and the fetishization of certain races is yet again to blame. Take this Thought Catalog essay titled “Dear White Gays: Not All Black Guys Are Tops.”
“I want you to know that when you approach me at the bar or online and you assume I’m a top, or that I’m hung, or that I’m hung and a top, I feel dehumanized,” the author writes. “It feels like you’re reducing me to a thing that can perform a service for you, not like a mutual bond, the way sex should be.
He concludes: “When you’re a black gay guy, bottoming is a political stance. It’s a small way of saying, I don’t want to play the game of upholding dehumanizing stereotypes and images. I don’t want to confirm media and cultural stereotypes about black ‘virile’ masculinity.”
Related: Hold the ‘Chocolate’! Racially coded hookup talk is so unsexy
Moral of the story: We should all just appreciate humanity in its all many forms, and, more specifically, men who have sex with men in all their many roles.
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Creamsicle
Again with the “reporting,” from public forums. Queerty is right on up there with the intrepid reporting of Anderson Cooper and Christiane Amanpour.
Bob LaBlah
The queen of so called journalist/anchors is Laura Ingraham, the witch who slipped in that nazi salute at the 2016 GOP convention and now hosts a trampish one hour segment for frustrated white women on Fox News.
As for this so called article and its importance the two things one must remember is the “source” of the reporting (Reddit and Queerty). Enough said.
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QueerTruth
I completely agree with you. Desperate writers who think a search on their Gaybros Reddit Feed feed is gonna bring them the news.
I say- Do your job and hit the streets. You’re a journalist. Act like it cuz this crap is truly FAKE NEWS
Paco
Bottoming has always been viewed, by most, as the less than masculine role during sex. That is why rigid attitudes about masculinity need to be challenged.
Chrisk
I think the # 1 profile for bottoms I see are guys that are usually on the short side, smooth, and younger. Being effeminate is ok too. Twinks are very sought after. Kind of ironic when you think about it. You basically want a women in a mans body.
Donston
And what’s exactly wrong with that, ChrisK? I’m not obsessed with youth. However, if an effeminate, queen-y, skinny guy turns you on the most and it’s what you have the most substantial and sustained romantic/sexual/relationship connection and contentment with then it is what it is. You can’t just poo-poo people’s preferences.
I’m married to a “masculine leaning” guy. However, although I consider myself “gay” I’m not entirely homosexual and do like the idea of a male with some feminine traits and and instincts who can love me in a more feminine way sometimes. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. And yes, skinny, twinky fem dudes do sometimes turn me on. Once again, I don’t see the problem there.
frankcar1965
Less masculine by whom? Don’t speak for everybody, you are very arrogant, as most snotty Queens are.
And I bet “beefy as hell” really translates as “big fat thang” No one nowadays thinks they are as fat as they are. He sounds like a Boo-hoo whiny Bitch, get over yourself. It’s probably fake anyway.
Paco
Poor frank got triggered by the article. It’s ok frank, I don‘t think of you or any man as less than masculine for bottoming, but the rest of the world may not agree with me.
frankcar1965
Poor Paco Taco, I am a proud versatile gay and no, not triggered at all, i don’t feel any less masculine for taking it up the poop shoot, I can take like a man. You must be a big nelly girl who’s been butt hurt because someone said NO FEMMES.
Donston
This actually represents much more complex issues that of course are rarely reflected in Queerty articles. Just as “gay” will always be a feminizing word so is the nature of taking it up the ass. It’s partly why many homosexual/homo-leaning/gay men and many men who bottom attach themselves to hyper masculinity. Also, a lot of guys who top or mostly top, even many who claim they’re into “masc bottoms”, prefer to feminize guys while engaging in sex with them. While for whatever reason there are many men (including many black men) who don’t find feminized black men sexually and romantically appealing. A wealthy portion of the guys who do prefer feminized black guys prefer them to be on the skinny side or on the “jiggly” side, not the buff and muscular side. This is all just preference stuff.
However, this is also connected to wider general societal issues with sex and issues within the “queer community”. Many “queer” people use attractions, masculinity, femininity, sexual identity, and the type of sexual behavior someone indulges as ways to find social footings and placements. This can be good for some people but also generally problematic because it can lead to a lot of narrow-mindedness. Therefore, you have a supposedly masculine and buff black guy who prefers to bottom feeling as if he doesn’t “belong”. And because we often give attractions, identity and sexual behavior as much if not more weight than romantic connections and relationships it forces people to be overly conscious of their sexuality and constantly looking to find the right sociological fitting. Much of this is a reaction to hetero-normalcy and finding an identity and a spot where you fit in when you are outside of that. That’s partly why all these sexual identities, top, bottom, verse, twink, daddy, etc. became so popular and has now led to a lot of division. But the biggest problem here is that we generally employ too many assumptions and politics when it comes to sex.
frankcar1965
You are full of shite.
john.k
This site tends to confirm my impression that Americans, and maybe American gays in particular, are inclined to over-analyse everything.
Me2
I’m sure feminine tops run into issues as well. But this is a BIG world that we live in. Get out there and go find what you want. Defy people’s perceptions!
Coruna2018
Me2 and Frankcar,
Although rarely, I do agree with most of what Donston said in his comments. What Americans like to have a blind eye about (because it’s considered rude, impolite, and no one wants to think of themselves as bigoted in any way but…) how race does color everything, including sexual preferences. Some men and women can embrace a wide variety of sexual types, as I do. Other men are stricter in their views. While that, in and of itself, is not, necessarily, an issue, as people do enjoy what they like repeatedly, there is an unconscious and unspoken element of sexual attraction that this article does get spot on: the role that upbringing, home attitudes about race, and positive (or any) interactions with other races and ethnic groups have on who one desires. It’s not a myth and it’s not always a minor player in who one desires. The thing this article and others that are more professionally are saying is that such attitudes about race and ethnicity DO play a role, albeit small, in who American LGBT people desire, as is true among American heterosexuals. But, like all things racial in America, especially among urban, middle-class white men, it is the “elephant in the living room that everyone sees but doesn’t acknowledge”. It’s there and I applaud articles like this to bring out in the open so that we can love and desire a wider variety of people than we do now. Nothing wrong and everything wonderful about that!
WindsorOntario
A lot of the apps have created a false sense of prospects. It does seem like you can afford to be ultra-picky and set up all kinds of filters to find exactly what you’re looking for. However it doesn’t appear the relationships or hookups in the gay world are any better. You’re still relying on honesty on the profile of the person you’re interested in, and – rarely discussed – the interest has to be mutual. Most of the time, with as small of a selection base as we have, only one guy is interested or neither guy is interested in the other. We expect a lot out of each other, and most of us are never going to look like a straight college athlete that we see on gay for pay sites. Based on what I see on a lot of the profiles these guys are expecting to either find that, or don’t waste their time. I think these guys forget there are still many places you’re just lucky to find someone else who is gay – forget about all these other absurd expectations.
And that’s what’s a shame about this guy in the story. When our choices are already next to nothing within this 2-3% of the male population that identifies as gay, chances are you’re going to have a very hard time finding someone who is a perfect match. Most of these other guys are not tops. Or if they are, they too want a very particular guy that they’re unlikely to find. So a lot of us are basically not going to find much unless we adjust our expectations and kinda live with the fact that the things that turn us on most in our fantasies are not going to be found in reality.
frankcar1965
They are hook-up sites, like for fuucking, do you really think anyone cares what the other guy feels like? It’s cheap tawdry fast sex, no one really even cares what your name is, much less your feelings. If you are looking for emotional validation on Fuuking sites you have other issues.
HereIAm
This guy is only 19. How could he possibly know what he prefers in bed? 19 year old is way too young to engage in that kind of hardcore sex. As for his masc demeanor, it’s universally acknowledged that most gays prefer masculine guys. If one prefers to play the receptive role, the slim build is always more accepted. Most muscular men are not very limber and visually it just don’t look good to see a muscular guy playing the feminine role.
PinkoOfTheGange
So at what age does one become aware of what they like?
…”it’s universally acknowledged that most gays prefer masculine guys” cite the source.
Thin guys are more limber? one word: Baryshnikov. A full boat mesomorph.
Honestly it is like you get all your beliefs of the tribe from a single 1992 Falcon loop.
Darsithis
The stereotypes are strong with this one…
frankcar1965
Playing the feminine role? Taking it up the butt is playing feminine? Surely you jest. Some of the most masculine men like it up the butt. I really like to see a big butch thing with his legs in the air grunting like a pig. Nothing fem about it.
Curtispsf
@HereIAm There you go.
First, you say that 19 “is way too young to engage in that kind of hardcore sex”. You think bottoming is “HARDCORE SEX”? WTF? Second, you say “As for his masc demeanor, it’s universally acknowledged that most gays prefer masculine guys”. Your source for this observation? Finally, you say “and visually it just don’t look good to see a muscular guy playing the feminine role”.
First, bottoming is not about being more feminine. I’ve been muscular, washboard abs, etc and I enjoy topping and occasionally bottoming. When I’ve bottomed with slimmer build guys and an occasional twink, they all say that it is a major turn on to see someone so “masculine” looking being a bottom.
I also stay hard when I’m bottoming and that is another major turn on for the guy plowing me. I like thin bottoms, but I also like muscular bottoms. Being a “good” bottom requires skill and interest. It is not simply being a receptacle for someone’s dick.
HereIAm
I really don’t appreciate the crassly graphic description of what you do in bed. Do you have any sense of decorum or have you lived in the gay SF bubbles too long and become so out of touch with being civilized?
frankcar1965
HereIAm who cares WTF you think. I hate gay guys so much, they are only useful for a quick fuuck and then need to STFU.
Donston
I know some dude probably broke your heart many years ago and you haven’t recovered/you’re still bitter about your uncle touching you when you were a child/you’re still romantically and sexually frustrated in old age, but don’t take that out on a specific demo. It’s lame.
frankcar1965
Donston, if anybody is lame it’s you. You talk a bunch of shit that means nothing, you are one of those very gays I can’t stand, so full of yourself, I bet you hate to be so alone and unwanted and butt hurt. BooHoo
osote_tex
To the person who wrote this, please start wearing your bottom gay guy t-shirt so you’ll be sure not to be mistaken for a top, unless of course you end up with a “FWB or romantic relationship” as you said you would top them then, but that may be too late. So likely it would be more beneficial to add it onto the bottom gay guy t-shirt as a disclaimer.
Also regarding the “hung” assumption because you’re black, guys assume I’m packing because I look like a Daddy, or assume it if someone is super muscular, super skinny, etc. I’m sorry you feel that at age 19 your life is destined to be abysmal because you’re fighting stereotypes when it comes to finding a sexual partner that’s going to top you. Trust me I’ve met many black men that had much smaller penises than I did so just know that there’s a large group of guys of all ethnic backgrounds that would put your penis size to shame.
Yooper
I’m not even going to pretend to understand………
ShowMeGuy
I’m gonna tip-toe out on a limb here. This guy has a lot going on. He’s a masculine, beefy, bottom, Black, and 19 looking 27ish…..and he can’t find a date. He thinks the stereotypes of flaming, queen, bottom is hindering his finding a date. Let’s just call it what it is….the evidence of his really being 19 probably bubbles to the surface within the first 10 minutes of texting on a “meating” site. And if not, sadly, the being Black is the other issue….which is absolute bullshit, but that is still the world we inhabit and it still is what it is.
We must remember that we are in a situation in which basically we are blind, deaf, and mute….looking for a sex partner who is also blind, deaf, and mute…..which makes finding each other damn near impossible. Add to that equation other roadblocks and look forward to endless attempts of hooking up which lead nowhere.
Coruna2018
ShowMeGuy:
Superly right on with your comments! You saw the reaction you got already. It proves my point on how reluctant people in America are to really acknowledge that their desires are, to some extent, predicated on who people thought were attractive and considered worthy of desire when we were growing up and maturing into adults.
Mark
Words from a whore; next
Chrisk
Good thing for you that your mom was one.
frankcar1965
Whores need love too.
Doug
I think “masculine” bottoms are just as hot as “unmasculine” bottoms. Especially if they’re nice guys, and this guy sounds like he is.
Herman75
The misunderstood, prejudged bottom. It’s terrible!!
JT_Trick
Stereotypes and bottom shaming? As a bear I think a beefy masculine bottom is the norm. Maybe this guy just hasn’t found his tribe yet. Hell, he’s only 19
Darrellx
I totally agree! He’ll be fine! Keep hitting the gym and look for a leather bar.
Greg
I like a big dick in me. I don’t like to top. It feels yucky. Like I’m sticking my dick in a bowl of jelly. I don’t know how some gay guys will only top and never bottom. They might as well just go have sex with women. What difference does it make if you’re gay? People think you take it up the ass anyway. Might as well partake.