Excuses, excuses

Boyfriend tells girlfriend he was only ‘looking for weed’ after she discovers Grindr on his phone

A young woman isn’t sure what’s going on in her relationship, so she’s seeking help from advice columnist Deirdre Sanders.

The 26-year-old woman explains that she’s been dating her 34-year-old boyfriend for about six months, but the sex has recently turned to “rubbish,” perhaps because he has a drinking problem.

Or maybe because… he’s gay?

She isn’t sure.

Related: Guy Caught Sleeping With Girlfriend’s Gay Friend: “It Wasn’t Cheating Because It Was With A Guy”

The young woman writes: “One day I came home early from work. He was furious and went to bed drunk. Something made me look at his phone and I found the Grindr app.”

When she confronted him about it, he told her he “had just been looking for weed to help him quit the booze.”

Looking for weed. Riiiiight.

She continues, “He admitted he had experimented with guys in the past. I know he’s had several hundred women but only a handful of guys.”

Now she doesn’t know what to do.

“My head is telling me to leave but my heart says stay.”

Deirdre wastes no time bringing the young woman back down to reality.

“Listen to your head,” she replies. “If you take off your rose-tinted glasses, you will see far more reasons to be unhappy than happy in this relationship.”

Related: Man Tries Convincing Girlfriend That “All Guys” Have Grindr On Their Phones

She continues: “Your heart wants to believe he is what you saw in him at the start. But just a few months down the line the reality is you are with a man with drink issues and who knows what else.”

The bottom line, Deirdre writes, is this: He ain’t trustworthy. So cut the cord ASAP!

What do you think this young woman should do? Stick it out or head for the hills? Share your thoughts in the comments…

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  • Captain Obvious

    I think any woman who says her man has been with several hundred women needs to get her own head examined for finding that not to be a problem. That’s rather disgusting. The men are the least of her worries. He sounds like he has serious issues.

    • Donston

      He could be lying about having sexual encounters with a sh*t ton of women to hide being gay/gay-leaning. Or those sexual encounters could have been mostly driven by internalized homophobia, self-denial and/or a desire to feel less gay. Or he could be a megalomaniac nympho of whatever orientation. Or some combination of those things. He has a drinking problem and is stupid enough to believe becoming dependent on weed will cure him of his alcohol dependence. And the sex has been shit for a while.

      I swear, the things some people will put up with just to say they have someone. Then again, so many people live for a life of friction and drama. But this is The Sun. So, this whole scenario could be nonsense.

  • Kangol

    So “weed” is a new slang term for “d!ck”?

  • redcarpet30

    Looking for weeD

  • captainburrito

    My female room mate went on her dating app to get tradesmen to fix stuff before. Worked great. Fast response and decent rate.

  • radiooutmike

    Actually, he could be telling the truth. He could have been looking to score weed from a 420-friendly hookup. His payment of course would be the sex with dude.

    Totally plausible.

    The chick should not break up with him because he’s bi, but because he is a dick,

  • surreal33

    A perfect example of you should really and truly know with whom you’re sleeping with!!!!

    • Donston

      Furthermore, it’s an example as to why someone simply telling you their sexual history or telling you whatever orientation they see themselves as is not enough (even if it’s a gay relationship and both parties identify as gay). You have to ask about the dimensions and degrees of sexual attractions, sexual enjoyment, passions, romantic instincts, whether someone has monogamous instincts, etc. And if you’re with someone who seems to excessively indulge drinking, partying, smoking weed, etc. you have to suss out exactly why they do it and whether you can handle that behavior and those reasons. There are a ton of reasons why people do what they do, identify as whatever and have sex with whoever.

      Then again, why would any sane and non-desperate person try to have a serious relationship with someone who says they’ve slept with 100’s of people and seems to have a drinking problem? And then you have the nerve to try and act like a confused victim later? Sounds like a typical manipulative narcissist and their co-dependent partner relationship.

      The point never was what is his exact orientation and whether or not he was actually trying to get weed. The point is that he’s clearly hiding aspects of himself, is manipulative, is likely cheating with whoever and is self-medicating to contend with whatever issues.

  • joeboyle49


  • Kenney G

    the kind of weed that grows between a man’s legs . DOWNLOW

  • Mandrake

    Sounds to me like he saw the film, “Beach Rats” where the closeted main character tells his straight friends he only gets on gay websites to find guys with weed.

    • alanballs

      @Mandrake: BINGO!

  • alanballs

    This is fiction, right? NO ONE is that stupid. Or?

  • Phillip

    He may be having a problem with whether he’s gay, straight or bi and exploring that on his Grindr account, but she also has a problem sneaking around invading his privacy. “Something made me look at his phone . . .” Really? Yeah, your own curiosity did. I’m sure you’d be furious if you caught him searching through your private things, but you think it’s fine to go through his?

    Perhaps he has just as much reason to dump you as you do, him. This relationship ended long ago. You should find someone you trust and so should he.

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