They say age is just a number… until you reach a certain age.
A 2013 survey found that 63% of gay men over the age 60 were living alone with no partner, which means there are a lot of single older daddies out there. But if a youth-obsessed culture, finding love, or even just sex, is not always easy for them.
A 55-year-old gay man on Reddit recently posted:
I am an older gay male. I just don’t seem to fit in on Grindr. I usually on talk to guys who message me. I love to have sex and I prefer to meet guys who love sex as well. Is there an app for older gay male where guys are more like me?
The responses range from helpful to catty.
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“Set the age filter to 34-96 (half your age plus 7 rule) and you’ll get more hits,” one person suggests. “Jesus Christ.”
Related: Older Guys Discuss The First Time Someone Called Them “Daddy”
“Different apps have different audiences depending on location,” another guy writes. “Grindr is for the 25 and below crowd. Scruff is mostly for everyone. Growlr has a higher percentage of older gay guys.”
“If you’re only willing to talk to guys who are under 25 then you won’t fit in anywhere,” a third person says. “That seems to be the case for 90% of the old guys on Grindr.”
To which someone else replies, “I avoid young guys on Grindr. In my area they are either prostitutes or very shallow and immature.”
“Go on silverdaddies.com,” another person suggest, “where a lot of younger guys are looking for older guys … or older guys for contemporaries. If you’re in your 50s, your competition will often be guys in their 60s or 70s.”
Related: PHOTOS: Guys Over 50 Are Super Sexy And Here’s The Proof
Then there’s this bitchy little comment: “By not fitting in, do you mean you’re not getting hot guys? You don’t like to send pics? What? If you’re not getting hot guys, that’s a problem with you, not the platform.”
Single, older gents, we want to hear from you. What apps and strategies do you use to meet guys? Share your methods in the comments below…
ryantbo
the joke in the gay community is “there are 2 ages 29 and old” Only it’s not really that funny because we are so youth obsessed and body image is ridiculous
ChrisK
Grindr is mostly twenty somethings. If an older guy is complaining about it that means he’s probably youth obsessed and part of the problem. Those “only under 25” peter pan queens.
DarkZephyr
But he said he wants an app for guys more like himself…
Bob LaBlah
Its sad that these whiners didn’t pay attention to their high school health teachers when they explained how the human body changes as it grows older. Many of these whiners can’t accept that they no longer look like they once did and need to find something else to do with their lives other than online hookups. The math is simple: they have arrived in a young mans world that doesn’t want them in it. You won’t find ONE ad on any of those site featuring a pouchy bellied gray-haired man nor a grey-haired man with a six-pac. Both types we know exist. We don’t sell. Its just that simple. I quit looking a long time ago.
If some one is that horny then why not simply go to the bathhouse if you don’t want to pay for an escort? There are times in life where you have to accept the situation for what it is. We’re older, set in our ways and came from a different era. I think its something to be proud of.
Lvng1Tor
“Is there an app for older gay male where guys are more like me? ” Even after writing this in his post, people tended to stereotype him as an older man wanting or preying on only younger men.
Lvng1Tor
I just hit 45 and have never had more men under 30 hit on me (not my thing but a nice compliment) and hit me up on my scruff even though it says I prefer men over 35. I got rid of Grindr years ago because it was too full of men under 30, bitchy queens and really awful treatment of men with HIV. The problem with the apps (ok, there are lots of problems) but first and foremost are people not being real or true in their profiles and second is that people don’t take the time to read profiles.
ChrisK
I’m 50 and I hear you. I’m getting the daddy comments. Used to offend me but now I look at it with amusement.
Grindr is what it is and everything you just said. Grindr and Jack’d are for the kids. You get all the problems you’ll find with the under 30 crowd. If you’re an older guy bitching about it then you’re most likely part of the problem too. Like you say. Either avoid it or stay and deal.
Brody
I suspect one of the issues at hand is that most men over 40 specify that they’re looking for someone 18-29, which is simply unrealistic unless their goal is to support a golddigger.
ChrisK
Most is a bit of an exaggeration but too many are for sure.
Playing devils advocate though how do you deal with getting up in years and seeing all your peers looking umm…old and decrepit? I mean it’s not like your attraction changes for that. Like a 70 something is not all of sudden attracted to 70 something guys. Lets face it. Most are programmed to be attracted to the “prime” years.
DarkZephyr
But by that logic, Chris, does that mean preteens and teens who date will always be programed to be pedophiles?
Brody
@ChrisK:
Not so, at least for me.
I’m 55 and my tastes have matured right along with my years. It’s not like I’m hot-to-trot for 70-year-olds, but I no longer find twenty-somethings attractive in the slightest.
Roan
Growlr
A4A
Scruff
Josh447
I’ve only been on Grindr once or twice. But the mood strikes when I’m in the most unlikely places, like an evangelical church or GOP convention or a Mormon town or some small town where everybody looks totally straight laced. That’s when the fun gets pretty darn interesting. It’s hot for hot, never really had age problems. If you keep your body in good shape and you look good, your gonna get it. There are lots of older guys that are so hot, they make LOTS of 20/30 somethings look like chopped livah. Now when I see the cute hot priest serving mass and his picture is on Grindr because he forgot to sign out of his account, I will promptly stand up mid crowd and let him know he needs to turn off his grinder account while serving mass, but that on the good side he’s probably had several hits by now. These days I wouldn’t put it past him to pull out his phone and check. During communion no less.
IWantAFullBeard
Wow – I’m 29 and I think men get better with age. Hit me up!
MikeE
Is anyone else sensing the bite of irony in this post appearing on Queerty, of all places? The home of obsession with young, “straight”, good-looking men (boys)?
Josh447
Maybe str8 acting, but “straight” and “obsessed”, nah. No more than any hot blooded American boy gay or str8.
Luc
This article is a bit of a downer! The title asks you to question excluding yourself from the most popular and common gay social/dating/hookup app in existence, and the opening statistic isn’t exactly cause for optimism.
Honestly, I see all different kinds of people on Grindr where I’m at. It’s not just young, hot guys, although they are the ones who surely get the most attention. In some ways though I feel this dude’s pain – you have to put yourself out there to find what you’re looking for, and that can come with a heaping helping of rejection. Dating (and hooking up) requires a pretty thick skin. I very rarely receive rude comments, but sometimes you get smacked with a block from time to time just for saying hello. And I’m okay with that. It can sting, but you gotta move on. Don’t dwell on the rejections or the “not interested” guys. Keep going for what you want, and you may just get it.
The only alternative is to give up. And I’m sorry, but I like sex (and companionship) too much for that.
radiooutmike
I’m on Grindr and the age differential does not bother me.
I’ll be 50 in a few months, and guys half my age contact me sometimes. I like it, because they don’t have any world weariness yet. I think my age is set for 25 to 65. Before I joined Grindr, i would have never thought to consider hooking up or dating someone that was not traditionally considered age appropriate. Younger guys make me feel younger, and I feel like I am going through a proper adolescence since I came out so late.
Bob LaBlah
When I lived in NYC I used to see guys that I remember from the days of the long ago closed Anvil and The Mineshaft working out like they were in their twenties and PRAYING they could pass for no more than forty-five at the maximum. They looked good for men their age but made themselves look absolutely pathetic with the obvious dyed hair and earring. I was in my mid-fifties at the time (I’ll be sixty next year) and I knew many of them were my age at least or older. Starving themselves to death trying to maintain a thirty inch was to me was crazy. I worked all my life and feel I deserve a bowl of Bryers Butter Pecan every now and then.
Too bad these queens can’t accept that when they were in their twenties and called people “old queens” when the only mistake the “old queen” did was smile because they happened to see a cute young gay kid. How does it feel dear now that the shoe is on YOUR foot? Bwahahahahahahahahahah
Showguyer
Being older and going on Grindr, or even going out to a gay bar pretty much is an eye opener. I just turned 37, and I consider myself a fairly attractive man for my age.. I remember back in my youth, so many guys would hit on me at the bar, and I even remember this older gentleman at the time told me “enjoy it now, once you turn 25, its all over”. Man, was he right! I notice lots of older attractive men on Grindr. 90% of the time when you message them, you are ignored. This is with both the younger AND older guys on Grindr. The reason? The younger guys are only interested in younger guys, and these older men on Grindr, are obviously only interested in screwing young boys. I also tend to find out this is prevelent in your sexual position. Being an older gay bottom is even harder because most older gay tops are only interested in going after the younger ones, as a rite of passage it seems, and the younger bottoms seem to enjoy being dominated by “daddies” these days (daddy issues is becoming a big thing in this age). I guess to feel superior and to feel young again. An older bottom like me, is obviously old and “worn out”. Its tough in general being an older single gay bottom. Seems nobody really wants you.
Esscourt
When people are very nosy and ask about my personal life, I tell them that I identify as gay but am no longer a practicing one.
surfpenis
Growlr. Scruff. Silver daddies. Recon. Forget Grindr. I know guys IN their teens and twenties who despise Grindr.