Older Guys Discuss The First Time Someone Called Them “Daddy”

go daddy

It’s started happening to us, and we’re not all too pleased: Younger bucks casually calling us “daddy.” Should we be faintly annoyed and more-than-faintly turned off by the whole thing?

Related: This New Web Series Will Help You Indulge Your Daddy Issues

At the very least, we’re far from alone in our torment. A Redditor named AskGayBros wonders, “Older gays, at what age did you start realizing guys were messaging you and seeing you as a daddy?”

Well. First off, we’ll take “daddy” over “older gay” any day, but moving on.

One commenter named TheBestof73  insists that 30 is “gay death”:

It’s the point you become completely unwanted in the gay community. You’re old, a creeper, a target for young gays who see you are a source of “generosity.” I didn’t think that shit was real until the most obnoxious thing happened to me.

True story.

I was 29 and had been chatting with this 22yo on some site. It wasn’t anything serious, just hooking up type stuff. About two weeks or so go by before our schedules line up to where we can meet and fool around. We arranged to meet while on-line and before he left he asked me my age again. So happened, my birthday was the week before, and I mentioned that I had just turned 30.

No lie!

He says “Oh, really? 30?? That’s a little outta my age range.” I remind him we met when I was 29, just two weeks or so previous but he says “29 is different..it’s not 30.”

Related: PHOTOS: The DILFiest DILFS Of Instagram

Genialerarchitekt ardently disagrees with sluttydude0‘s assertion that 40 is when “Grindr e-mails you your death certificate.”

“It’s not true,” he says. ” ‘m 44 and get way more hookups now than when I was 30.”

And even more than when I was 20. It started when I was 40. Suddenly all the cute, slim twinks I used to want to be with but was too shy to ask are hitting on me. I have no idea wtf is going on. Please help, I can’t cope with so many hookups.

“I hate hearing ‘dad’ for anything sexual,” writes BrobearBerbil. “It just triggers my ick factor pretty hard.”

Related: Six Pro Tips For Being A Good Daddy’s Boy

You’re probably wondering what pr0nm0n thinks of all this. We’ll tell you.

“I was always a big guy with a muscular frame,” he writes. “Being 6’4 didn’t help so I started being called ‘daddy’ at 21 even though I have a baby face.”

It’s more of a mentality thing. Guys like being dominated, and most gay guys have father complexes. I’m 28 now and I’m loving it. Ass everywhere.

It happened to VeitPogner in his late 30s. “It was surprising — and took adjusting to accept — that some guys were attracted because of certain signs of middle age, not in spite of them.”

Related: Ryan Reynolds’ Daddy Game Is On Point

But for genialerarchitekt? It happened in his forties:

I’m 44 and younger guys hit on me all the time. It surprises me no end. I would prefer a fit guy my own age but they’re all into twinks. So apparently I’m a really “nice guy” lol and I look younger about 35 although I disagree. I know what I looked like at 35 and I have definitely got older since then….

I’m not comfortable playing the daddy role but at a certain age you realize you just are without even thinking about it. For me that was around 40.

What about you, kindly Queerty commenters? Have you been called Daddy? At what age did it begin? Does it make you swell with pride or, erm, annoying the living furrrk out of you?

Weigh in in the comments below. 

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  • RadChad

    Not interested in chasing hookups and “twinks” when I’m 35+ at all. Hopefully gettingot settled long before that, tbh.

  • TheBigOne

    Even though I prefer senior-aged men, I would never call them “daddy”. A lot of men get very angry, mainly because they have some stranger calling them their “dad”.

    Time to grow up, and we gay men need to accept the fact that we also get old, nothing you can do about it other than accept it and continue living our lives. Turning 30 isn’t a death sentence, regardless of the the gay media thinks.

  • ChrisK

    @TheBigOne: Come on. 30 is still a child. Most guys are still immature at that age anyways. This would only be something a teenager would think old.

  • ChrisK

    TheBestof73 has a barely legal taste for boys. Oh the horror that one thinks he’s too old.

  • AxelDC

    Twinks are like stuffed animals: cute until they start talking.

  • Hillers

    “Daddy” is just the new term to describe a hot guy, regardless of age. I’m sure for every reddit story about the woebegone 40-year-old who keeps getting mercilessly hit on by hot twinks, there are fifty more of the dudes in the same age range who don’t have such luck. Not every old guy looks like the Nair’d, spray-tanned steroid-ed Tom of Finland character in the stock photo above.

  • eatmybgcck

    I learned to embrace it although at 61, I won’t go for any guys less than ~40yo (sometimes I make exceptions.) I’m actually shocked how much attention I get from younger guys (even down into their 20’s).

  • dean089

    I was also creeped out the first time a young man called me “Daddy” during sex. Of course, I was almost as creeped out when a guy tried to call me “Master.” I’m, like, let’s just be equals having sex. Anything else is “Euw!”

  • He BGB

    I stay away from social media so most if all this doesnt apply to me. The one above who just accepts hes a daddy because of his age, height etc makes me sad and angry. It’s only a problem if you like twinks that make you feel young or whatever something I’m not into. ALWAYS have been attracted to older guys. Even tho now I’m an older guy I still prefer my age or older. So a little insulted that the writer says we prefer daddy to older gay/guy. Never been called daddy. I don’t have any children and that’s on purpose.

  • Bad Ass Biker

    @He BGB: A lot of levels of BS in the article here. I agree with you that I prefer men my own age or just slightly younger and I have to say that at pushing 70, my sex life has never been more active than it is now. Twinks? Forget ’em. I am not interested.

  • Atomicrob

    You think women have it difficult as they age? Gay men are totally invisible after 40-45. Most younger gay men are shallow, vapid and narcissistic. Their shelf life is short, so they go into full battle mode.

  • brahbate

    Daddy do you want some sausage

  • woodroad34

    I sort of think the term “Daddy” is not that offensive off-hand. It means that someone thinks of you as masculine, adult, and non-threatening or a take-charge kind of person; you’ll be supportive (emotionally, that is if not monetarily) and protective. At 63 I’m a daddy to a 50 yo who actually looks like he’s 30, which helps; because when you’re of similar ages, the term “daddy” seems a little ridiculous unless you think of it in terms of support and masculinity–then it’s a compliment. When he first called me “daddy”, there was a step back and a side-glance at him–but I don’t like a relationship solely based on that dynamic. I generally prefer someone my own age or slightly younger/older by about 5 years and I prefer equality in a relationship (sometimes dominant, sometimes passive, sometimes silly, sometimes aggressive)..so I don’t go out of my way to be a “daddy”.

  • ChrisK

    @He BGB: You’re right. This is only an issue for those that exclusively chase after twinks to make them feel young or boost their self esteem. Every commenter fit the profile of that and I don’t buy for a second there’s no one your own age available because they too are chasing after twinks. I always tell them to move on but that’s just me.

    The article has a one way POV with lots of BS here as if it’s a given we all fit the same mold. If you just hate being referred to as a dad so much then stop chasing after much younger guys. Seems pretty simple to me.

  • ChrisK

    @Atomicrob: “Most younger gay men are shallow, vapid and narcissistic”

    When I was younger my god I was all that and more. I couldn’t imagine any older guy wanting that around them full time unless they wanted to play Daddy.

  • ChrisK

    Lastly, I’m referring to those that chase after young guys wet behind the ears. Age differences just aren’t that big of a deal after say 30.

  • ChrisK

    The article should be renamed to older guys that chase after twinks. Unless there’s some other example I’m not seeing.

  • silveroracle

    Can’t stand being called daddy.
    I like older men.
    Really young guys do nothing for me.

  • batesnight

    Those that use the cliche word ‘Daddy’ usually don’t mean it as an attack, but used the same way some call hot older women Milfs. In that case, “Dilf” is more appropriate than Daddy. Daddy sounds like a boner killer. Some little baby calling a hot grown man a daddy. Says more about the little baby than anything else.

  • Scribe38

    I was 34-35 talking to someone who was 26. His car broke down. I went to his place, took him to pick of parts and fixed his car. He kissed me and said, “thanks dad”. It annoyed the f*ck out of me.

  • Mark Behar

    In one respect, “dad” and “daddy” are just as annoying and stupid as “dude,” the generic “guy,” etc. Impersonal and no excuses for not remembering and using the person’s first name.
    Atomicrob said, ” …Gay men are totally invisible after 40-45. Most younger gay men are shallow, vapid and narcissistic….” So what happens to those younger men who eventually age past 40-45? They don’t melt into nothingness, and still desire sex or partnerdom?

  • baggins435

    I’m 55 and haven’t been on a date in 7 years. I tried a couple of different dating apps and only got a handful of replies. They were either young guys looking for a “daddy” type or guys almost old enough to be my own dad. Not interested in either role. I want someone my age, or a little younger, that I can relate to, and a hot, but immature twink is not it. As far as I’m concerned calling me “daddy” is telling me you are interested because of my age/appearance, not because of any meaningful connection and it kills any desire I may have had. When one of my brothers was 38 he was in a relationship with a 19 yo for a year or so. It didn’t last because they were in different places in their lives and careers, but they parted as friends.
    I find it hypocritical that many young guys call men my age old and creepy for hitting on them, yet think we are supposed to be flattered to be called “daddy.” You know what’s really unattractive? It’s pictures of some twinkish guy posed with a stupid pout on his face and a finger on his lips like he’s channeling some schoolgirl hooker from the ’70s, not an adult male.

  • RadChad

    @Atomicrob: Gay men are totally invisible after 40-45. Most younger gay men are shallow, vapid and narcissistic.

    Now, as a twenty-something guy, I honestly feel there are many older men who act very entitled. I don’t see why you would look down upon someone for not wanting to date older men (sometimes more than twice their age). If you’re interested in younger guys, good for you; there are young guys who will be open to dating you. But demanding every young guy to date you, and if they won’t, calling them “vapid, shallow and narcissistic” is just you being a snubbed SOB tbh. There can be many reasons why someone wouldn’t want to date outside of their age group, no matter if you’re younger or older. Crying about it just makes you look sad.

  • biggdaddysd

    OMG! Omg! Get over it! I’m 56. Look 44. Muscular. Fit. Gl. Very masculine. I get called Daddy/ Dad all the time…….. So what

  • josh_bason

    Ok, so I’m 29. Personally, I love using the term Daddy, but I don’t use it exclusively for older gentleman. I actually use it more as a term of endearment. I guess I have daddy issues, who knows? It adds this sense of propriety to certain of my relationships. Sexually, I like to call certain partners Daddy because it turns me on. It’s this daddy/boy relationship, but the age aspect is irrelevant. I used to call my ex Daddy during sex, and that was while I was 28 and he was 22. I don’t know why it turns me on so much, it just does. And occasionally, when I would find one of his spots, instead of just moaning, he let slip calling me daddy as well. And I also had a FWB that I called daddy when we had our sexcapades. It added a dominant/submissive element that was intensely arousing, despite the fact that I was 28 and he was 30. So for me, it’s not about age. Although more often than not, I find myself attracted to older gentlemen. But not because of the “daddy” aspect. Thats purely coincidental. But I would never call someone Daddy if they didn’t like it. That’s just disrespectful.

  • Thud Hardbutt

    @josh_bason: As a 44yr old guy I’m comfortable being called Daddy but I guess I have “Daddy Issues” too (Mine was an alcoholic wife beating pig of a man) but I don’t actively try to hook up with guys younger than me, it just happens. If i’m getting hit on by a 20yr old I’m more flattered than anything else.

  • Chris

    I take it as a term of endearment. No need to get all upset. Sheesh!

  • bingbongsf

    I can understand the whole submissive aspect of calling another guy daddy, and I basically fit the bill for being twinky, but I could just never do that. At 20 I still, somewhat embarrassingly, call my father daddy, and oh my god the thought of also calling the guy I’m sleeping with the same thing is horrific. Also 30 is not old at all, I’m so confused, 30 is like the best time, you’re still young enough to do lots of things but you’re also more likely to be financially stable, its the perfect happy medium.

  • ChrisK

    @RadChad: I think that you’re reading too much into Atomicrobs post. He never said he chased after them. Just that the majority of them are “shallow, vapid and narcissistic” which is true.

    Gay men are less mature then their straight counterparts by and large. Most will grow out of that when they get up in years though. Usually between the ages 30-35.

  • Chris

    Rocco Steele = Daddy. ‘Nuff said!

  • Chris

    I’m 52, GL and have a great body. The term “Daddy” doesn’t offend me because I’m secure in who I am. Sure, there are a handful of shallow worthless bitches who care about a number, fuck those little shits. It’s more about how you take care of your body and yourself. Honestly, I have push away the twinks because I’m more attracted to masculine “daddy” types who are in shape. See my Rocco Steele comment above!

  • CaliKyle

    Ive had same experience as pr0m0n mentioned in the article, minus the baby face. At six five plus with muscular athletic build since 16 yo, I got my first daddy comments in college from both genders. I found it amusing and kinda arousing tbh. Still do. In spite of what some here are claiming, the term daddy has much less to do with age and far more with perceiving a physically big, strong, masculine appearance as dominant, authoritative and mature.

  • uktnla

    I don’t love being called daddy – but especially when the guys are in their 30s, since I’m 44. I’m like, what the fuck, how old would I have been when you were born. I know I’m being a bit literal, but still! It’s annoying.

  • Faggot

    It seems that the writer of this article (Derek de Koff?) might have a different interpretation of the term “daddy” than the one that is often implied and/or inferred in current use — that is, it doesn’t (necessarily) have anything to do with age, but denotes roles in the context of masculinity.

    30+ guys frequently fawn over guys under 25 by calling the younger one “daddy.” They claim that the hyper-masculine looks qualify for the pet name, not age. However, if a guy is calling another guy “daddy” regardless of his age, it tells us more about how he wants to be seen rather than what the alleged “daddy” might or might not be.

  • scotshot

    I love it that many of the guys here who are of a certain age state “I’m 50 but look 35″‘

    Get real.

  • joeboyle49



    You only need to start worrying when they start getting up to offer you their seat (alas not that one!) on public transport.

  • jag4313

    When I was 17 or 18 I was more attracted to guys in their 30’s and now that I am in my 30’s I find myself more attracted to guys in their 50’s. I guess my older guy thing keeps increasing with age. Just the thought of dating someone in their 20’s is a turn-off.

  • brandlover

    I met my partner online and we clicked almost immediately. For 6 months we “chatted,” then started communicating on the telephone and by text. Finally this tall handsome guy was able to come and meet me in person for the first time. It was magical, love at first sight. He calls me “Daddy,” “Daddy-Bear”, and also uses my first name. We are deeply in love and committed to each other, coming up on a year now. The “Daddy-Son” dynamic is part of the fun of our relationship. He’s 27 years younger than me, and it’s a match made in heaven, as one might say. We complete each other and are very deeply in love. We both have good jobs and so there’s no dependence, financial or otherwise. He tells me he’s never felt so loved and wanted before, and I feel the same way. He calls me his “hot handsome sexy Daddy-Bear,” and I call him my “hot sexy handsome boy.” He’s in his 30’s and I’m just 60. We couldn’t be happier!

  • frankcar1965

    @biggdaddysd: Why does it matter to you that you look younger? This is a recurring comment several times by some of you older men. Are you not happy with yourselves? This sort of ties in with this article, being happy who you are.

  • barkomatic

    I’m 45 and I can’t recall a guy calling me “Daddy” to date. If someone did I wouldn’t be offended as long as there wasn’t a malicious intent. Rather than feel bad that I’m this old I feel lucky that I’ve lived this long.

    To all the guys out there who I know are terrified of aging I say that you have more to look forward to than you may think.

  • Sukhrajah

    Odd isn’t it – that instead of actually speaking to each other (our partners in a relationship), we take our grievances to the masses, and publish what is essentially one-sided (and thus, at least half-ignorant) views.

    The next time that someone calls you “Daddy” – ask them why. If it so personally offends, or affects – halt them, and ask. In the vast majority of cases – that word is only used in intimate circumstances. If you are having a relationship that extends beyond the boundaries of that word (or even, a potential one) – is it not a rather shallow and easily attainable goal to overcome? Ask your partner, and gauge their responses. Be brave enough to ask, because your’e going to be engaging in a lot more than that.

    The term “Daddy” is indeed so charged. Consider, though, that an intelligent mind understands those nuances – and still decided to use the term. What was the intent of the word?

    Anecdotally – if a person were attracted to a Man (who is more experienced, more knowledgeable, more socially and emotionally practiced and skilled – and all of the attractive physical attributes that accompany age; more mature bodies, more pronounced features, the contrast of ages between two consenting, and adult individuals) for the ‘right’ reason (not involving a monetary component to their relationship) – the only real hang up would be one quick discussion – and a clarification.

    A rose, by any other name – would smell as sweet.

    What would you prefer to be called?

    Moreover – here’s the kicker; if the “Daddy” hangup is preventing you from dating someone younger, it’s a decent chance that you’re saving yourself; from some innocent younger person who will likely fall to someone that will take advantage of their naivete.

    If someone calls you a “Daddy” – they are looking for a Man. Be one.

  • ChrisK

    @scotshot: @frankcar1965: What’s wrong with that? If they look 5-10 years younger then good for them. Show’s that they’re probably doing something right.

    Like George Orwell said. By age 50 we get the face we all deserve.

  • jamal_smith

    “Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?” I will, you can be sure I will!

  • gymnofrater

    @Sukhrajah: Great comments. I’m still basking in the afterglow of an encounter with someone literally half my age who was holding back from indulging in the bathhouse scene because he was looking for someone handsome, but, I suspect, also someone who would nuture him and respect his boundaries while allowing him to explore. We had such an encounter. I firmly believe that when a young man is looking to older guys to nurture them, even sexually, the good ones among us should step up and show them what a good, nurturing man looks like–that is, if we’ve learned somehow to step up and nurture ourselves, first.

  • ChrisK

    @gymnofrater:*I think it’s cool when things just happen but I suspect some here are more attracted to the youth then any other attribute.

  • ErikO

    Do the editors for this site live on reddit and copy made up posts from it daily?

  • John

    I’m 52 and attend events that are aimed at my age group and surprised at how many young guys are there looking for older guys, to hook up with. I am rather shocked. 30 years ago, when I was a young guy and anyone over 39-35 bought me a drink or hit on me I was horrified. Times have changed, are we in better shape, do we have something other than stability or $$$ for the younger or do they just like our techniques and experience. This summer in NOLA, Ptown, SF, Sitges and Canary Islands and I couldn’t keep the young guys (under 30) away. The world has gone mad….

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