Stone-cold crazy

This Catholic school for boys didn’t realize there’s something deeply creepy about their new statue

Chipping away at a statue is a time-consuming and meticulous process; much thought and planning must go into the work before you so much as think of committing awl to stone.

Which is why it’s odd that a Catholic school tucked away in the Australian city of Adelaide had to wait for a photo of its new statue to go viral before realizing the “piece” needed to be covered up, if not altogether buried in peat.

Blackfriars Priory School covers kindergarten to 12th grade. It’s an all-boys private institution for pious learning and artwork of questionable taste.

The statue, grandly unveiled last week, quickly a stir among students, who instantly began snapping photos of its decidedly phallic loaf of bread.

The statue features St. Dominic holding aloft this “loaf of bread,” which he’s surreptitiously pulling out from his cloak and gingerly offering to the beseeching boy who kneels before him.

Discerning eyes on Twitter were quick to point out the loaf of bread doesn’t look like bread at all…

Okay, maybe it doesn’t take a particularly discerning eye to see the problem.

As tends to be The Catholic Church’s modus operandi, the school quickly took measures to cover up the scandalous tableaux with a black cloak.

Now, the statue’s been completely cordoned off from polite society, which could be exactly what the nefarious St. Dominic wants: privacy.

Related: Unintentional “Pro-Homosexual” Church Sign Sparks International Controversy

“Covering it up… A+ for historical accuracy,” writes @ben_hagerty on the Shit Adelaide Instagram page.

“Like who the hell designed, approved and erected it and no one thought about it?” writes another Instagrammer.

The school’s principle, Simon Cobiac, issued a statement on the school’s Facebook page on Wednesday, saying there’s a major difference between the two-dimensional plan and the real thing:

“The two-dimensional concept plans for the statue were viewed and approved by the Executive Team in May but upon arrival the three-dimensional statue was deemed by the Executive to be potentially suggestive,” he writes.

“As a consequence, the statue was immediately covered and a local sculptor has been commissioned to re-design it.

The School apologizes for any concerns and publicity generated by this matter and is taking action to substantially alter the statue.”

Perhaps sculptors are currently chipping away at the loaf of bread so it resembles a more palatable banana or carrot.

h/t: Gay Star News

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28 Comments

  • radiooutmike

    A Freudian slip of the awl?

    • Kangol

      +100

  • OzJosh

    An entirely accurate depiction of the history and motivations of Catholic clergy, I would have thought. The statue should be acquired by the Art Gallery of South Australia and displayed forever more as a memorial to victims.

    • 1EqualityUSA

      Daily bread.

  • Ditamo

    People over sexualize everything….get your mind out of the gutter

    • UncleBuck

      I agree with you. There is no opening in the cloak, so, how does this appear sexual.

    • duecers

      Seriously, minds out of the gutter people.

    • Brian

      Oh please. It looks like he’s holding his dick, even if it doesn’t look exactly like a dick. You don’t have too have a dirty mind to see it.

    • Knight

      Agreed, Ditamo. This non-story is childish stupidity at best.

    • DCguy

      No, when the organization has paid out hundreds of millions of dollars specifically because of decades of child rape it is in no way out of line for people to look deeper at imagery put out by that organization. So give it a rest.

  • jack512

    “surreptitiously pulling out from his cloak” The habit/cloak clearly has no opening in the front, so where do you get that description?

    • Knight

      It’s Queerty lying yet again, and proving you cannot take anything they say seriously.

  • CodyJ

    how interesting!..is the loaf of bread UNCUT? Does it have a ‘creme filled’ center? I have it on ‘good authority’ that statue is being shipped to Cardinal Dolans NYC church..in his bedroom,approx 4 inches from his left bed pillow..hmmmmm?

  • crowebobby

    Looks like a loaf of French bread to me. Mildly amusing because of the placement, but obviously not meant to be sexual.

  • Creamsicle

    You’d think that once the sculptor started working on the cupped hand of the small child they would have called to school and let them know there was going to be a problem.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Queerty didn’t ask the school’s “principle” about that, lol.

  • Terrycloth

    It’s not the bread ..you can make it anything you want besides bread..it’s where he’s holding it..it looks like.hes got it near where his penis would be .raise the item higher..or off to the side.. it’s the location of the bread…make it anything else it’s still location

  • Dymension

    I actually didn’t see it right away. Might be because the bread has lines consistent with baking on a rack. I don’t know many penises that feature that.

  • Knight

    As has been mentioned, this is actually a black Peruvian Saint, Martin de Porres. Saint Martin was by all accounts an incredibly generous, hard working and righteous man. The fact that Queerty has chosen to smear a black/latino Saint by their baseless innuendo and salacious commentary proves yet again than a) Queerty (and most leftists) really do not care about minorities or people of color at all…but still think they get to speak for us and tell us how we SHOULD feel (or vote) on any topic and b) the fact that there are so many details wrong with this story (the wrong name for the Saint, saying he is pulling bread from his clothing etc) shows queerty is not to be taken as a credible or reliable source for anything. And c) apparently they think pedophilia is just hilarious, and no subject or topic is beneath their complete lack of ethics or morality.

    • DCguy

      LOL!!!! Oh look at the desperation of Mo Bros newest troll screename!

      DESPERATELY trying to make this a racial issue to deflect from the overarching theme of their ally, the stricker wing of the Catholic church, raping thousands of kids over decades.

      Oh, come on troll…..you’re just not good at this.

    • Knight

      DCtroll how do we know you aren’t guilty of raping children? Statistically, if you are a white American male, you fit the M.O. the fact that you are laughing at pedophilia and defaming a black, latin saint shows you are not only a racist but a sick pervert instead (i.e. typical liberal garbage). You are beyond pathetic.

  • Knight

    On a serious note, I’m wondering how the author of this article, Derek de Koff, felt about writing it. Did queerty say, “hey, we have a thought-provoking story that will enrich the gay community and we want YOU to run with it!” Or did they say, “Derek, it’s obviously an extremely low news-cycle here; give us your absolute best!” and this is what he came up with. Either way, Derek, when yet another year goes by and you’re still having trouble making ends meet in NYC because you can only get part-time work as an online editor at so many gay websites since no one else will take your “skills” seriously…remember this particular article so you can say, “oh, yeah…I get it…” before you eating your 2nd vat of ice-cream while watching “Will and Grace” alone in your apartment.

  • Sam6969

    (Too many) people are really crazy :)

  • DCguy

    Fact, the Catholic Church raped huge numbers of kids and protected the rapists over decades.

    Fact, the church commissioned this statue.

    Fact, the placement of the bread based upon the church’s history is both funny and cringe inducing. Sorry bout it trolls.

    • Rex Huskey

      please dcgurl, one thing you are not sorry about is “trolls” ….. surely you are beyond self-loathing!

    • Knight

      LOL Rex!!! yeah, he’s definitely proven repeatedly that he has no life beyond this website. How pathetic is that?

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