Colton Haynes was 13 when he lost his virginity to a guy

In a relatively short amount of time, Colton Haynes has gone from totally guarded to completely candid about his personal life, his sexuality and his past. Now he’s opened up once again, this time about how he lost his virginity — to both a girl and a guy — and it’s quite the share.

The former Arrow actor sat down with Andy Cohen on his Sirius XM radio show Andy Cohen Live, and bluntly dropped a few details about his sexual awakening.

“I lost my virginity at 13 to a girl and a guy,” he said, clarifying that it was not a threesome but two separate encounters. “I’ve never said that before. The girl was two years older than me, and the guy was, I would say, around 16… Everyone participated. It was a real first time. It was exciting.”

Related: Colton Haynes is now engaged. Oh, and Cher helped.

The 28-year-old performer later explained that he had sexual relationships with both women and men throughout his teenage years, despite having come out to himself as gay when he was 14.

He also discussed the pressure to stay in the closet once he arrived in Hollywood, a harsh reality that still faces many young would-be stars.

“I was literally told from the day that I moved to Los Angeles that I could not be gay because I wouldn’t work,” he said. “My management team told me I couldn’t be this way and they tried to set me up with girls… It was horrible.”

Haynes wound up experiencing panic attacks as a result of that pressure to hide his identity, and he finally said “enough is enough” in May of 2016, when he came out.

In March 2017, he announced his engagement to celebrity florist Jeff Leatham.

Related: A romance for the ages: Colton Haynes and his boyfriend’s relationship as documented on Instagram

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  • Heywood Jablowme

    “the guy was, I would say, around 16…”

    Illegal in most states.

    • WeHoGuy69

      And Colton was 13. You point is?

    • Heywood Jablowme

      I can’t believe you are THAT dense. The 16 year old would be considered a child molester in most states and might end up with a permanent record. If adults had walked in on them it could have been a nasty scene.

      In this case, the 13 year old says he remembers the event fondly. But not all of them do.

      (Cue our Brazilian pal to tell us, yet again, that it would all be legal in Brazil!)

    • ChrisK

      Billy Budd says it as a matter of Pride. We get to f*ck all the 16 yo’s went want in Brazil.

    • Rakkaus

      Actually 16 is the age of consent in most states (31 states + DC), including Kansas where Colton Haynes grew up.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      @Rakkaus: Sure – 16, not 13! That’s a different issue. A 16 year old in most (not all) states can have consensual sex with an older person.

      Younger, it’s a entirely different legal situation. The 16 year old could be charged as a child molester in many jurisdictions. Happens all the time.

      In a legal sense, what Colton is bragging about here is no different than Milo Yiannopoulos bragging about losing his virginity at 13 to a priest, and how that made Milo a better c0cksucker.

    • Donston

      I said what I said to reiterate that many men, including gay men, have sexual experiences with females at a very young age. However, I do get the sense that Colton was bragging about getting to hook up with boys and girls at such a young age rather than merely opening up about it. Though I wouldn’t compare him to Milo. Almost no one deserves that comparison.

      I don’t want to get into an age of consent argument. But sixteen sounds about right to me. From a moral rather than legal perspective- that’s another debate.

    • Brian S

      I also thought of Milo Yiannopoulos, who was discredited and vilified for basically the same thing, i.e. speaking fondly of a sexual encounter when he was underage. Knowing how many of my male friends had regular sexual experiences when they were underage, I thought his vilification was naive or hypocritical.

  • Donston

    I lost my virginity to a chick when I was 9, and she was 15. Yeah, I know. However, I didn’t have any type of sexual contact with a dude until I was 15 and we were around he same age. I only had relationships with women until I was 23. That type of thing often leads to self-denial or a confused/convoluted/narcissistic ego. But I actually think my time with women helped me become a better person and helped me understand the type of relationship I wanted with a man.

    Say what you will about Colton and Queerty’s endless coverage of him, but I’m glad somebody is speaking out on how homophobic Hollywood is. The idea that it’s a “progressive” environment is nonsense. It’s bottom-line driven. And it’s as of full of self-hate, manipulation, fake relationships and abuse as it’s ever been. Even most openly gay actors show levels of shame and fear. Colton is not much of an actor, and now that he’s open he’ll struggle even more to get work, but Ryan Murphy could at least help a brotha out.

    • CaliKyle

      Bullshit. Your first paragraph. Bullshit. Unless the 15 yr old girl was the one doing the penetrating.

    • Donston

      I don’t want to get into too great of detail, but there was some brief penetration and plenty of sucking and licking. As long as you got something that’s at least a couple inches (and I was bigger than that) you can stick it in things and get to humping. It’s not that complicated.

      That wasn’t even my first sexual experience with a girl. I was doing some stuff here and there with my female cousin (who was my same age) by the time I was seven. Kids are curious.

    • CaliKyle

      Kids are curious but youre still full of shit. The end.

    • Donston

      You don’t get how a 9 year old can have sex? You don’t understand anatomy? It’s really not that big of a thing to lie about. It’s hardly something I’m proud of, and in hindsight I do feel like I was somewhat victimized. For some, it’s younger than that.

  • DCguy

    “”“I was literally told from the day that I moved to Los Angeles that I could not be gay because I wouldn’t work,” he said. “My management team told me I couldn’t be this way and they tried to set me up with girls… It was horrible.” “”


    Fine, who was it who told you that. Report them to the Attorney Generals office. Until people in Hollywood actually start suffering for their bigotry it will just continue. Very tired of all these former celebs who come out and talk about things that were done to them but never do anything to make sure it doesn’t continue to happen.

    As for Haynes, Queerty, I beg you, run at least 2 posts on ANY TV show with LGBT content before giving us yet another Haynes post. Pretty Please, with sugar on top!

    • ChrisK

      Maybe it was his agent or whoever went after the XY magazine in the 90s for featuring a kiss between him and another twink.

    • Donston

      People will never name names. Not if they still want to get some semblance of work. Almost no one names names when it comes to anything that goes down in the industry. But he did say his “management team”. So, I assume that includes his publicist and agent at the time.

    • ChrisK

      Cory Haim was supposedly raped by a number of Hollywood big shots. A reputable celebrity came forward to confirm that so I’m a big believer that he was molested. Sadly no one will name names though.

  • Eddie Jr

    Yawn. Oh did studman say something else about himself? Well, you talk about what you know.

  • Aromaeus

    The way he says “around 16” tells me the guy was probably older which is disgusting. I’m sure he looks back on it fondly but that doesn’t change the fact that it shouldn’t have happened.

    • Bryguyf69

      “Disgusting”??? You do realize that many people also find gay sex to be “disgusting,” right? What exactly gives you the moral right to judge what type of acts or partnerships are disgusting? Were you a participant? Were you forced to watch? Did it affect your life in any way? These are exactly the questions I asked those opposed to same-sex marriage or legalizing sodomy. And why exactly should Haynes — or anyone else — need to satisfy your sexual aesthetics? THINK about it…

    • Bryguyf69

      Aromaeus wrote, “the fact that it shouldn’t have happened.”

      What “fact” is that? Fact implies dogma and truth, which veers dangerously on religious pontification — and repression. Are you sure you want to go there? Are you sure you want to use moral yardsticks when it comes to SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSONAL sexuality?

      FYI, the largest study on CONSENSUAL pederasty found that the majority remembered the relationship fondly. As such, I don’t know what “fact/s” you’re using to judge and condemn others.

  • JLJ

    Bravo to Colton. I wish I had his courage at that/his age. He’s a talented, GOOD looking man. I wish him only the best.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      “Courage”!? Plenty of 13 year olds get molested. :(

    • DCguy

      Courage? This is the guy who threatened to sue anybody who suggested he was gay. That’s kinda the opposite.

    • Donston

      I wouldn’t directly say he was molested. It depends on the circumstances. However, I uncomfortable with the idea of a 16 year old doing anything with a 13 year old. But it’s certainly less dysfunctional and damaging than a 40 year old getting it on with someone who’s 13.

      “Courage? This is the guy who threatened to sue anybody who suggested he was gay.”

      This is where a lot of these guys get in trouble. If you don’t want to speak on it don’t speak on it. But threatening suit or teasing a come out or flat-out lying about who you are does everyone more harm than good. These guys want to appear in magazines galore. They want to be prevalent on all social medias. They want big roles. They want as much publicity as possible. Yet, they act offended/annoyed when people want to know who they are.

      He was probably pushed by his “team” to threaten suits. And he was young. So, I can’t hate. Hollywood is not an easy place for a young gay person. Have some sympathy.

    • Bryguyf69

      Heywood Jablowme,
      Er, it’s a shame that you choose to focus on the sex rather than the fact that he had “come out to himself as gay when he was 14.” You don’t think that takes courage??? In Kansas, no less. As someone with a background in counseling gays, I can say that coming out to oneself is often the hardest step of all. Indeed, that admission often takes more courage than having gay sex, which many closeted gays will still label as experimentation.

      Plenty, eh? So tell me, how 13 year olds self-labels as gay? No, I’m not taking about “feeling different” or being attracted to males, but actually admitting and categorizing oneself as such?

      As for molestation, where do you see any indication that he wasn’t the initiator? Or a very willing participant? Your automatic user of the label, “molestation,” is no better than the homophobes who claim that homosexuality is necessarily the result of recruitment or yes, psychological trauma like molestation. Haynes continued his sexual encounters throughout his teen years and nowhere did he indicate any coercion or ill effects.

  • ProfessorMoriarty

    Queerty, for the love of god, FIX YOUR G-D VIDEO SYSTEM. It doesn’t work on iOS.

    (Colton, platinum blonde is *not* a good look for you, dear. But thanks for the compelling story.)

  • TimidTim

    13? Why so old ;) …well for a gay guy at least. 9 sadly seems about right. I myself had no idea how gay sex even worked until I was nearly 18 but some gays are 8 or 9 and some gays stay virgins all their life because they’re repulsed by sodomy. Colton was right around average I guess.

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