Yesterday, Donald Trump threw one of his Twitter temper tantrums after reading Vanity Fair‘s hilariously acidic review of Trump Grill, succinctly titled “Trump Grill Could Be The Worst Restaurant In America.”
Has anyone looked at the really poor numbers of @VanityFair Magazine. Way down, big trouble, dead! Graydon Carter, no talent, will be out!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 15, 2016
Writing for VanityFair.com, Tina Nguyen claims the restaurant — which teems with tourists and people proposing to their SO.’s — feels like “a cheap version of rich.”
The menu is “chock-full of steakhouse classics doused with unnecessarily high-end ingredients.”
The dumplings come with soy sauce topped with truffle oil, and the crostini is served with both hummus and ricotta, two exotic ingredients that should still never be combined.
Related: Is there a shady secret message on TIME’s Donald Trump cover?
If you wind up there one night, you’ll probably want to avoid the hamburger altogether:
Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grill’s (Grille’s) Gold Label Burger, a Pat LaFrieda–branded short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese. It came with overcooked woody batons called “fries”—how can someone mess up fries?—and ketchup masquerading as Heinz. If the cheeseburger is a quintessential part of America’s identity, Trump’s pledge to “make America great again” suddenly appeared not very promising. (Presumably, Trump’s Great America tastes like an M.S.G.-flavored kitchen sponge lodged between two other sponges.)
And if you think alcohol can save you from the indignities of Trump Grill, think again:
The one thing required to save the meal—booze—turned into its greatest disappointment. Trump himself does not drink alcohol, a possible explanation for why the cocktails seemed to be concocted by a college freshman experimenting in their dorm room. The Tower was a tall glass filled with three types of rum and several types of fruit concentrate. (One person named it “The Cancun,” and slowly nursed the spring-break-colored drink over the next two hours like morphine.) The You’re Fired, an oversized Bloody Mary, appeared to be a chunky shrimp-cocktail sauce, heavy on the horseradish, mixed with ice and a lot of vodka. The Fifth Avenue—Grey Goose with Cointreau and a “splash of cranberry”—tasted like vodka mixed with Crystal Light, the ultimate drink for an 18-year-old pledging a sorority. The alternative to these cocktails—which we could not bring ourselves to finish over the course of two hours—was Trump’s own branded Trump Wine, which came with one red option and one white option.
Apparently, the notorious Taco Bowl isn’t quite as delicious as we’ve been led to believe. Nguyen ventures to say that NASA may as well have served the guacamole “in a tube labeled ‘TACO FILLING’ in the early days of the space program.”
Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! https://t.co/ufoTeQd8yA pic.twitter.com/k01Mc6CuDI
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2016
Oh, and one more thing worthy of note: it evidently didn’t take too long for Vanity Fair to turn Trump’s tweet into an advertisement:
It’s a good thing Donald Trump doesn’t have anything better to do than pitch whiny hissy fits about restaurant reviews.
Attend security briefings? Nawww, he’s not got time for that. Respond to every single joke or slight from places like SNL or entertainment magazines? Oh yeah, THAT he absolutely has to do.
This is funny as hell. But it is also tragic. What has happened to America? When a president focuses more on the food that is served in his restaurants than on national security, where could this lead us to? Anything is possible now. And it doesnt look good.
The gays and the other minorities are not the only ones who should be worried. I love how most white people think they are safe with King dunce and his gang of fools.
Grayden Carter should be grateful. If it weren’t for Trump’s tweet, nobody would have ever heard of him.
@Kieran: says the queen who confuses her writing bitchy comments to articles with having an article published in an actual magazine. having a little issue with our self esteem there, Kieran?
I cannot WAIT until Putin calls him an idiot!
Trump has a VERY long-running feud with Graydon Carter, who ran the old “Spy” magazine back in the ’80s when they were always making fun of Trump “the short-fingered vulgarian.”
@Kieran: Oh, I’m sure that most East Coast elitists who have actually bought (and read) a book within the past year, know who Graydon Carter is.
@JerseyMike: “I love how most white people think they are safe with King dunce and his gang of fools.”
You might be shocked at how many people who voted for him now realize just what it is they foolishly thought was their night in shining armor. Bob Scheiffer, the now retired ex-host of Face The Nation (CBS) summed it up correctly when he asked after the second debate “is this what we have come to” in a tone of disbelief and utter disgust. The man was correct in his summation.
“Trump Grill Could Be The Worst Restaurant In America.”
“Trump Presidency Will Be The Worst In American History.”
While at the twitter Mr Trump could you tell us what you are going to do for the starving children of Appalachia? The murder rate in Chicago? The refugees of Syria who are homeless? The orphans of war?
Our wow wolf the beautiflying super beautiflyin hotel in hotel star mega number star beleivy ! Show is comfort the luxury is my luck the .
Friedrichs v California Teachers Association- Case Status: Tied by an equally divided Supreme Court.
Antonin Scalia gave up his ghost on February 13, 2016, before getting the chance to make unions toothless. Trump is not for the workers. Plutocracies do not give a rip about the working class. Making union dues optional will impede labor. The deceived rust belt workers who thought they had a friend in Trump may regret their vote, though many may still get their fleeting opportunity to feel superior by kicking down others. A moment in the sun for some.
Electors, turn away from this man. Faithless electors, vote your conscience on Monday, December 19, 2016. The world is watching.
@Kieran: Graydon Carter has edited one of the most widely read magazines in the world for 25 years, written numerous books and produced various TV documentaries and broadway shows. Only someone stupid enough to believe that Trump was a great business mogul would say nobody had ever heard of him.
I’m so glad that such an unstable, emotionally volatile, thin-skinned man is going to run our country. Scary.
I would like to see his enemies list: it must be HUGE & BEAUTIFUL!
A lot of white blue collar democrats voted for this guy. Good luck with that suckers. Trump’s incoming cabinet is going to be the richest bunch of people to ever work in government and they don’t give a rat’s a*s about “joe the plumber.”
So WHO will be running the country and going to Intelligence Briefings? The Don is too busy looking after his businesses to have time to spare to be Pres.
@Kieran: FO, lots of people know who Graydon Carter is! You obviously don’t, because you spelled his name wrong, just like orange rage face!
@Bob LaBlah: I still have that tone and utter disgust, when it comes to The Travesty of November 8, 2016.
@He BGB: trump: “The where, what, who, and come again?”
@Transiteer: First Lady Ivanka, and vp Hot-Pence… DUH! 😉
They are all ASSHOLES
Exclusivty is tuor mega tuor vist the older oscar older Alemanhying is ALEMANHy the pops OSCAR TROFÉUS OSCAR ALEMANHÃ Tomorrowy .
Thank you Hispanics for the noble taco bowl. 😉
Keeping ‘Merica big and fat, like Trump.
I would never go so far as saying the food at Trump’s golf resort in LA sux balls, but I can attest to not finishing my steak at our department’s Christmas gathering, and avoiding the appetizers that were definitely unappealing.
This is a fun SNL skit, showing Secretary Clinton attempting to change an elector’s mind about voting for Trump.
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