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UPDATED: You’re A Dumb Ass If You Took Offense Blake Shelton’s Homophobic Shania Twain Remix

UPDATE: Blake Shelton has offered the worst non-apology of all time (even worse that Kobe Bryant’s)

Nakia and the cute Mormon dork who came out to his father on The Voice should know that Blake Shelton will kick their asses if they try and touch his. At least that’s what the show’s country music judge felt the need to express when he tweeted a re-written Shania Twain lyric from “Any Man of Mine.” Oh, Blake. Let’s examine your apparent fear of man-on-man ass grabbery and how much the show’s fans LOVE your outspoken style!

This tweet comes after his Brokeback joke insinuating that Jake Gyllenhaal is gay at the Country Music Awards. Will recent Gay Walk of Fame honoree Christina Aguilera let Blake know the error of his ways? Or maybe the other Twitterers will clue Blake in:

Blake comes off as one of these straight men who imagine that every gay guy has a hand just aching to touch his legendary golden ass. In fact, his backside is probably so mesmerizing in it’s awesome jiggliness that it tempts even the straightest bro. We imagine poor Blake, probably besieged by hoards of male molesters, had no choice but to rewrite Shania Twain’s lyrics to finally get through to his anal assaulters… or maybe he’s just an asswipe.

Cue BS requisite apology in 3, 2, 1… That’s OK, Blake. Some of our best friends are homophobic douche nozzles.