‘G.I. Joe’ animated series turns 40: A look back at its most homoerotic moments

On this day 40 years ago—September 12, 1983—the animated series G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero premiered.

Much like the toys it was based on, the show was aimed at young audiences and effectively doubled as military propaganda, responsible for turning countless impressionable minds into jingoistic patriots.

However, with its jacked heroes, colorful villains, and an idealized version of hoo-rah heroism that was so over-the-top it was basically camp, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero was probably responsible for turning just as many young viewers gay. (We’re joking… sort of.)

But, truthfully, the original series, the 1989 reboot, and ’87’s G.I. Joe: The Movie produced enough unintentionally homoerotic moments to spark some sort of “awakening” in many baby gays of a certain age.

With that in mind, let’s celebrate animated Joe‘s 40th birthday with a look back at just a few of its gayest moments.

Dusty’s Man Brawl

After the success of its abbreviated mini-seasons in ’83 and ’84, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero went all-out in ’85 with 55 original episodes.

Most were standalone adventures, but the heroes couldn’t resist an epic multi-episode arc—case in point, “The Traitor,” parts one and two, which sees a soldier named Dusty share the Joes’ advanced military technology secrets with their sworn enemy, Cobra Commander, thus becoming a (you guessed it!) traitor. *gasp*

In the second part, Dusty must prove his loyalty to the Cobras by battling a fellow henchman Lt. Claymore in something called the “Arena Of Death”—complete with gladiator-style weapons and a rapidly filling pool of piranhas.

If the stunt-y theatrics weren’t enough, both Dusty and Claymore have to brawl shirtless, which (as you might imagine) means we get plenty of shots of their buff bods rubbing up against one another.

Beyond that, the dual-episode “The Traitor” features the usual catty retorts from Cobra Commander—that old queen!—and plenty of talk of switching sides and betrayal, with many of the Joes trash-talking the supposedly traitorous Dusty as if he were a shady ex-boyfriend.

Related:

G.I. Joe becomes Army’s gayest go-go boy in epic desert dance number

A new commercial for Money Supermarket reimagines G.I. Joe, or “Action Man” as the Brits call him, as a military go-go boy. 

Shipwreck Gets Stripped

Now, most of the G.I. Joe characters look like Village People rejects to some degree, but of the original cast of heroes, few appeared as blatantly daddy as Shipwreck, a Navy vet often seen in a blue shirt suggestively unbuttoned down to his abs so that his heaving pecs were constantly staring right at you.

Between the taut phsyique, the tats, and the well-manicured facial hair, he’s very much giving Tom Of Finland, no?

Shipwreck takes a central role in “Once Upon A Joe,” which just might be one of the silliest, strangest episodes of the show ever—and that’s saying something.

After a Cobra attack causes damage to an orphanage, the Joes’ attempt to rebuild it keeps getting accidentally thwarted by Shipwreck, a real bumbling Judy. To get out of the way, Shipwreck begins telling the orphan children stories, which the show depicts in hilariously cartoonish fashion.

Eventually, Shipwreck is knocked out by villainous master-of-disguise Zartan (who incredibly flamboyant, we might add), who strips the hero down to his tiny briefs and ties him up. Kinky!

After escaping, Shipwreck has to save the day in his underwear, discovering a magical device the turns his story-time characters into a reality—including a number of fairies. It’s an absolutely ridiculous 22 minutes of television.

Related:

PHOTOS: The Private Lives And Homoerotic Desires Of G.I. Joe And Ken

A Gaggle Of Bad Gays Guys

And, last but not least, we have to give a shout-out to G.I. Joe: The Movie, created in 1987 for theaters to capitalize off of the success of the animated series, though ultimately released direct-to-video.

As we’ve alluded to, the Joes’ gaggle of foes is one colorful bunch, following in the grand tradition of queer-coded villains like Skeletor or pretty much any bad guy from Disney’s golden age.

They’re memorably led by the lisping, lilting Cobra Commander, but also include the aforementioned Zartan, the ridiculously outfitted Serpentor, the fierce Baroness, and Doctor Mindbender who, for some reason, is a mustachioed muscle daddy with a disdain for shirts?

Anyway, they all get quite a great showcase here, as does the sickening villainess Pythona, a powerful emissary from the secret civilization known as Cobra-La first introduced in The Movie.

Collectively, these bad guys look like the cast of the next season of Drag Race All Stars, each ready to lip sync the house down boots—possibly to the Real American Hero theme song? And just like the best of the RuGirls, these queens have a way with words, always eager to throw some shade at one another.

In other words, if you need a welcome dose of over-the-top b*tchiness between Drag Race seasons, get your fix by popping on G.I. Joe: The Movie and watch these villains go all the way off.

Related:

Hiding in plain sight: 10 of the queerest cartoon characters ever

Seriously, what do we have to do to get an Ursula drag movie around here?