Gay guys share the reasons why they’re single

Why are you single? It’s a question that many people have found themselves asking themselves. Answers can vary widely, especially depending on age. It’s something many gay men, in particular, also think about.

A study conducted by AARP in 2018 found that 57% of gay men over the age of 45 reported being single. Singledom increases with old age, as people lose their partners. However, the statistic for gay men stuck out as it was higher than the figures for lesbians or bisexuals.

It’s also not just older gay guys. A 2017 survey conducted by Community Marketing & Insights founds that 69% of millennial gay and bisexual men are single, compared to 54% of millennial lesbians and bisexual women.

It might be tempting to just think you’ve not found “the one”, but what might the reasons for this be?

A question posed on the ‘askgaybros’ sub-Reddit, simply asking, “Why do u think ur single?” has prompted hundreds of responses. The original poster says he thinks his singledom is down to his “crazy work schedule getting in the way of socializing.”

The most-liked response, which clearly struck a chord with others, was “I think I suck at connecting on a deeper more intimate level with men.”

Another said, “It’s a mixture of high-ish expectations, anxiety, and bad life habits.”

Expectations and pickiness were mentioned by many.

“I have high standards and so do the guys I date 😭”

Another man said he was, “Shy, introvert, social anxiety, don’t make enough money, hard on myself, low confidence to date.”

“Fem, fat and ugly”

Many put it down to their looks or weight. One guy said, “I’m just confirmed ugly 🤓”

We’d caution that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. Just because you don’t find yourself attractive, don’t assume others will hold the same view.

Others said they were too picky, were “fem, fat and ugly”, or that “Most guys I’ve met just want to fuck around.”

Some gave lists of reasons.

“I am a bit irresponsible. I use some drugs, I am socially awkward, and I don’t go to gay bars. I like the bathhouse and not looking for a boyfriend. I got body image issues and, yes, I watch a lot of gay porn. I know I am not boyfriend material. So why bother? Also, I am a minority so that plays a part in it. Black men in my city aren’t into other black guys.”

Away from city life, some said they live in small, rural towns, where the chances of forming a relationship are harder. This is certainly true.

Related:

Is it a good idea to wait for someone who says they’re not ready for a relationship?

Was there a man you once waited for, and what happened?

On the flip side, several guys said they simply weren’t looking for a relationship. Some said they were happy enough being single. One man said he was two years out of a 10-year relationship and the desire to be in another one had not returned: “As nice as it can be to have someone, that sh*t can also be exhausting.”

Others suggested one can get very used to being single, and making room for a partner can be hard.

“Having been single the vast majority of my adult life, I’m quite comfortable actually being single and don’t feel I need a relationship to live relatively happy, so my motivations to find someone for said relationship are low … it’s gonna take someone pretty fucking special to make me want to welcome them into and change my life (and vice versa).”

So, are you single? And if so, do you suspicions as to why?

Related:

Man says he’s happily single, wonders if there’s something wrong with him

“Everyone I know keeps asking me if I have found someone, and I keep telling them I don’t believe in love. I’m content.”