Hi Jake,
It’s almost time for the annual trip to my parent’s house for the holidays, which means only one thing… my boyfriend is going to try and have sex with me in my childhood bed.
This is the third year we’ve been together, and it’s tradition that we go to my parents house every year for the holiday. When I’m home, I’m usually not feeling all that sexual. For some reason, though, my boyfriend gets all horned up.
My mom likes to keep my room the way it’s always been, so it’s basically a time-capsule from when I was still living at home. I have the same childhood bed, strewn with the stuffed animals I’ve had since I was a kid, and a bunch of the weird toys that I never threw away.
Needless to say, it feels kinda creepy when my boyfriend wants to get frisky there. Do I need to get over it, or should I say something to him?
Not Into Child’s Play
Dear Not Into Child’s Play,
Whether or not to get down and dirty when you’re home for the holidays is a uniquely personal decision.
Your boyfriend could be turned on by the idea of being mischievous, or perhaps there’s some fantasy around “bedding the hot guy in his parents house” that gets ignited when you’re in your old abode. Your toy-strewn room might remind you of being a little kid, but for him it could have a completely different association that isn’t coming from an inappropriate or creepy place.
That said, even if your boyfriend has no disturbing motivations at all, it doesn’t mean you don’t have your own emotions about it. The important thing here is to vocalize your feelings and not second guess their validity.
It’s not exactly hot having relations when your mind is somewhere else anyway, so don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend to pour some cool water on his libido until you bolt.
If you’re concerned about making him feel like a perv, you can remind him that this has nothing to do with him. It’s about your own experience of being back where it all began.
By talking about the situation, you also may learn more about what’s driving your boyfriend so wild and it might put some of your uncomfortable feelings at ease. Perhaps he’s simply on edge around your parents and sex helps him relax?
Regardless, it’s hard enough to be thrown back into the dysfunction we call home, so try not to add even more pressure to that by taking on your boyfriend’s fantasies when they aren’t your own. The best sexual experiences always come from two engaged parties sharing equally in the encounter.
Doing the deed in the same place you learned how to tie your shoes may not be your thing, but if your man respects your needs, he’ll figure out a way to work through his disappointment.
By saying no, you’re saying yes to yourself… and to the Teddy Ruxpin in your room who’s innocent eyes will be spared. 🙂
Ask Jake is our advice column by Queerty editor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, please email [email protected] for consideration.
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abfab
I won’t read this but I think the headline is cute. Been there. It’s very sweet.
Baron Wiseman
@abfab
Wow. That was close. I can’t tell you how many of us were concerned that this headline, of an article you didn’t read, wouldn’t meet with your approval. So many of us are now able to breathe a collective sigh of relief.
(That was a close one guys!)
Brenainn
I like the answer given to this! Too many people live with a black or white mindset when the world is not black or white. One thing might mean something to one person but be completely different for another. Doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong because it’s not your view—just different. The very use of specific words from the original writer shows the difference in their mindsets, as the OP describes the bed as a childhood bed. This description brings to mind at most a twin sized bed. As I hit my teenage years, I either ended up with a full or queen. Also, my toys disappeared from my room when I became a teenager. I think we just need to stop putting everything in boxes and labeling them. We will be much better off personally and as a society.
Would I have sex in my parents’ house? Nope! If it makes you uncomfortable, set a boundary. It’s not like it’s the end of the world if there’s no holiday sex.
ericr_wilson
I would interpret that as love…. He loves his BF so much, he wishes he had known him when they were boys. Now, having sex in my parents’ home is an entirely different story. I’d probably do so – but I’d feel weird.
inbama
This year, leave the horny boyfriend in town for the holidays.
What’s his phone number, BTW?
bachy
giggle
Pietro D
What a totally ridiculous article and what a totally ridiculous asshat who can’t respect being under a roof other than his own. Would it kill him to go without sex for a night or two!? I’ve been there and definitely would not have sex in close proximity to my BF’s parents’ bedroom. The guy’s a Moron, evidently.
m
Shut up and be grateful FFS!
FreddieW
Get over it.
bachy
That’s hotttt.
Fahd
This relationship has serious, perhaps insurmountable, communication problems if he had to write in to Jake instead of just doing what Jake told him to do which is to talk openly with his partner about this issue. I wish Jake had addressed the broader issue. And the parents deserve a better son-in-law – one who doesn’t get turned on by these kind of shenanigans.
Openminded
Am I and this guys BF the only people in the world who get “frisky” when sleeping in a different place. I thought that was what made vacations so much fun.
dbmcvey
Not a fantasy of mine. My childhood bed was not big enough for two grown men.