Homo For The Holidays: Queerty’s Essential Thanksgiving Survival Kit

Magic Mike on DVD. See “Porn.”


This is the first time that many families are gathering post-Election Day so political tensions could run high. (Especially if your grandma left the secession paperwork on the dining-room table.) So diffuse the situation, or make it a lot worse, by blasting MSNBC as loud as possible from the biggest set in the house. Let the Maddow glow permeate your family table as you remind your conservative cousins how you can now get married in, like, a fifth of the country.

An Unnecessarily Formal Wardrobe
Returning home gives us gays the opportunity to rub our post-high-school selves in everyone’s faces. It’s like a  walking “It Gets Better” video. Even if you’re a go-go boy at Woody’s or (shudder) a waitress at the Olive Garden, you can own it by dressing to the nines. If you at least look the part, who’s to know the difference? “Yes I’m wearing a three-piece suit, top hat and ermine jacket on a Thursday afternoon. It’s called professionalism!”

Plus, when you wear an unapologetically snazzy outfit, your mom will have one less thing to complain about—leaving her more energy for those the 943,719 other things she’ll undoubtedly have to nitpick.

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  • 1EqualityUSA

    oh, wow. This is the brand that had me give up alcohol back in 1985. I came home drunk on Wild Turkey and screwed up a painting into which I had put six months of my life. When I woke up and saw how screwed it was, I gave up drinking that day. Twenty eight years later, who would have thought that a turkey could have so much influence. I did have an aunt that drank, as well. The reasons compiled. Waiting until it became insurmountable seemed dire. No regrets. Have a beautiful T.G. Queertiers. Remember, sugary drinks give you the worst hangovers. Apricot brandy, no.

  • toren123

    With me it was Canadian rye. Well I am a Canuck! To this day I can’t even stand the smell of it. But a Bombay Sapphire classic martini with a whisper of Noilly Prat vermouth, and I can get through any family Thanksgiving. Well maybe two of those classics!

  • the other Greg

    My family doesn’t drink. No wonder I never go there!

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