CURSES

If Everybody Wiggles Their Noses, Maybe It’ll Stop The Bewitched Reboot

Everybody remember Bewitched, the 1960s sitcom about a cute witch who marries a regular guy without telling him how very different she is—only to turn his life upside down the moment after they say, “I do?” If you do remember it then you’re either old, a regular viewer of TV Land or a queer theorist, since the series is widely regarded as one of the most homo-infused sitcoms ever to hit TV screens. Its cast, save for Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha the witch, was stocked with lesbian and gay actors like Agnes Moorhead, Dick Sargent and Paul Lynde, who gave winking performances. And the show’s entire premise was a metaphor for living in the closet. It was X-Men before X-Men.

So now they’re going to ruin it by remaking it. Again.

Moviegoers already endured that terrible 2005 meta-comedy starring Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell, but that’s not stopping CBS from hiring Marc Lawrence (pro: Miss Congeniality, con: Did You Hear About The Morgans?) to pen a pilot and allowing the big-screen remake’s producers, Douglas Wick and Lucy Fisher, to take another swing.

Any warlocks out there with a decent hex? Get to work.