Lopez Vs. Beckham: Which Celebrity Underwear Designer Has The Biggest Bulge?

As Star 94.1 just reminded us, both Mario Lopez and David Beckham have their own lines of underwear coming out. (Beckham’s available exclusively at H&M, will even get its own commercial this weekend during the Super Bowl.)

The radio station’s website takes an interesting side-by-side look at the two celebrity hunks, examining which has the superior package, rump, serious-minded scowl and other essential aspects to selling men’s undergarments. But we think they missed some important categories:

*Celebrity wife: Victoria could eat Lopez’s actress ex, Ali Landry, for a snack—if, y’know, she actually ate.

*Sports movies: Beckham was cited in the teen soccer flick Bend it Like Beckham. Lopez starred in the Greg Louganis bio-pic Breaking the Surface.

*Ungentlemanly behavior: Beckham amassed 41 yellow cards and four red cards while playing for Real Madrid. Lopez allegedly made his A Chorus Line co-star Nick Adams wear a sweatjacket on stage so his biceps wouldn’t upstage him.

*Kids: Lopez is working on a kid’s book Mario and Baby Gia, named after his two-year old daughter.  Beckham named his son Brooklyn after the city he was conceived in. Classy.

So, which Adonis would you rather buy underwear from? Personally, we hate seeing either of them in their briefs. Take that shit off!

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  • Mike UK

    1. you wound’t be able to tell as the pics will be air brushed to death.

    2. I prefer Unico undies, far superior fit!

  • timncguy

    I saw Beck’s superbowl ad and his bulge is never shown.

  • Tangelo

    One is riddles in tattoos while the other is crisp and clean…Mario Lopez, every day and night of the week. I have lusted after him since Saved by the Bell. Those DIMPLES!

    Beckham is handsome. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. He seems like a once and done sort of score. Mario, I could wake up next to him for the rest of my life.

  • Essus

    Why would I want to rate celebrity etouffe? Should I want to rate the artificial, I’d head to a sex shop and rate dildos – much less plastic and more real.

  • Mike in Asheville

    If you have to ask “Which has the biggest bulge?”, are you sure you’re gay?

    [For the non-gays, Victoria Beckham has described Beckham’s bulge as a “tractor tail pipe”]

  • Red Meat

    I thought we were going to see bulges in herr

  • lamballs

    beckham is hot

    lopez is nasty, ewwww

  • Bryan

    Lol, the comparison is like comparing Madonna and Rebecca Black. Beckham everyday of the week.

  • vince

    There is no doubt in my mind that Mario Lopez has a tiny dick.

  • Frank

    Technique and endurance…rather than size

  • Take-Back-Christopher-Street

    Over-the-hill Beckham (and his faded tats) looks like a soggy comic book left out in the rain — whereas, Mario (drool) is a six-packed Adonis with a beautiful ass and a hot box.

  • Lefty

    Mario Lopez!

  • Gay Country Wes

    Being the underwear enthusiast I am, I would probably never buy either of these. I am a devout follower of 2xsit. The designer had the customer in mind through the creative process. Everything I’ve seen on both these designs make me think the designers have lost touch with grown men and have designed underwear for children and preteens in their developmental stage. Give us underwear to hold our junk instead of squish it back into us.

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