Back in May, at a New York City gay marriage rally, we spotted Don’t Ask Don’t Tell mascot Lt. Dan Choi smooching all up on his boyfriend Matthew Kinsey. Cute! That Choi even decided to come out was motivated, in part, by his relationship status; “I had to decide whether I was going to continue to say that Matthew was Martha.” But a new party report quotes Choi saying he’s … single?
Called back by the Army National Guard, Choi still has time for important events, like attending the opening of Broadway’s Next Fall. Elton John was there! And so too was Vanity Fair‘s party reporter and chief flirt George Wayne, who was no more reserved around movie stars than soldiers who handle guns the size of SUVs.
G.W. did his best to gracefully and subtly angle his body so that he was face-to-face with his target of the evening: the gay poster hunk of the U.S. Army. “I don’t remember your name, but aren’t you the poster boy fighting to repeal ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’?” The surprisingly tall, impressively brawny combat veteran laughed uproariously. “I don’t know if I am the poster boy,” Lieutenant Dan Choi said. “But whatever you say.” G.W. says you should do a nude pinup calendar—guess who would be the photographer? He laughed even louder.
Yes, yes, Choi is cute. But also, available? Tell us, Georgey boi!
As to be expected from this lout, a tasteful segue: So how tight is that ass of yours, Lieutenant Choi? “Why don’t you see for yourself?” Game on! G.W. spun the army boy around. Can I touch it? “You can touch anything you want.” So this horny toad groped the left cheek. (I’ve heard of bubble butt—but his was simply queenious! Eat your heart out, Eric Massa!) Are you married? “No.” Are you on the market? “Yes. Are you interested? Maybe I’ll give you a discount.” G.W. remained silent. “I hope all this is off the record.” No, we are not, he was reminded. The digital recorder in your face is alive and kicking, buddy! We exchanged phone numbers. Who knows? Maybe Dan Choi can be coaxed into taking all his clothes off and dancing to the fagulous rite of spring—the G.W. version! Woo-hoo!
So, we’re assuming Choi wasn’t joking about being single? Which means Mr. Kinsey is no longer partnered with America’s most famous gay combatant and possessor of a “queenious” bubble butt? It gives us the sads!
But also, because we are terrible people, the very happys. Get in line!