A 23-year-old man from the U.K. says he’s at his “wits’ end” after learning his 55-year-old boyfriend of six months is a “cross dresser.”
“We met through our mutual love of country dancing,” the young man writes to advice columnist Colleen Nolan at the Mirror. “I was in awe of this strong, confident older man and to my surprise, my affections were reciprocated.”
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According to the man, everything about their relationship has been extraordinary, “the sex in particular.” That is, until a few weeks ago.
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“A business trip that had been scheduled to stretch over an entire weekend finished earlier than expected so I decided to surprise my man and come home early,” he writes. “However, my excitement soon turned to shock and confusion when my boyfriend answered the knock on his door wearing a strappy red dress, long blonde wig and full make-up.”
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The young man continues: “I immediately stormed off, not knowing what was going on or how I should think. Later, my partner called me and tried to explain that what I had seen was his other ‘persona’ Mandy.”
Now, he doesn’t know what to do.
“I love my boyfriend but as himself and not as Mandy,” he writes. “How can I tell him without hurting him?”
In her response, Colleen doesn’t seem to think the boyfriend’s fondness for wearing women’s clothing is all that big a deal.
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“I know a man who’s been cross-dressing for 32 years and goes to a club in Manchester every Thursday night dressed as a woman,” she responds, nonchalantly. “That’s his thing.”
She continues, “However, he never dresses up in front of his wife, although she knows he does it. She just doesn’t want to be involved in that side of his life. Maybe that’s the answer for you and your boyfriend.”
“Mandy is obviously a big part of your boyfriend’s persona so she’s not going to pack her bags and move out,” Colleen concludes.”The only way to work through it and decide what you do from here is to have an open and frank discussion.”
What do you think this conflicted young man should do? Sound off in the comments section below.
Glücklich
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GhYgwDJAMc
Tony Lee Churchill
Some “boyfriends” they must be… smh
Hussain-TheCanadian
I would not be happy either, I would like to know when i’m dating the person that he enjoys dressing up, or its part of his “persona” – Once you begin to love them, and then you accidentally find out something like this, its a betrayal of confidence I think.
Sandy McLendon
Modern life just gets more complicated every day….
Billy Budd
I would leave him the moment I knew about the cross dressing. No way with me.
Jonathonz
Personally I’d be thrilled. I’d probably join him and we’d have a lot of fun. I love it when a guy has quirks cuz I have my own. But that’s just me. If the guy can’t handle it he can’t handle it. Unfortunately a lot of gay men aren’t interested in other gay men expressing their feminine sides.
Jonathonz
Great post Gluchlich.
Giancarlo85
Date somebody your own age… I think. I wouldn’t want to see an old fat guy in a dress either.
Giancarlo85
By the way, I am not against people expressing their feminine sides. I do that myself. But honesty is paramount for any relationship. His boyfriend was obviously hiding this part of himself. It is best to be upfront about things.
Tebn
He doesn’t like this because he is gay. If he had liked this, he would be bisexual and not gay.
Daniel Williams
Well….DUH!!!!! :p
Clark35
I highly doubt that this is a total shock to this guy that his “GF” is really a man that’s a cross dresser.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Country dancing..that was your first mistake.
Now, Dear Heart, cuddle into my ample bosom as I drip my honeyed balm of soothingly mellifluous sex-positive sagacity. Not really. I’m so fetishistically vanilla I gave an ex the ol’ heave-ho after finding his HIDDEN stash of “Tr@nny” & “Shem@le” [sic] porn. Now who was the bad guy there I asks ya?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
^
ugh! Hate that I have to re-edit and censor the shit out of everything till it’s worthless even bothering and all because this sie’s auto flagging sytsem blows and sucks the life out of everyfuckinthing. Please supply a list of verboten word crimes or better still allow us to use judgement, nuance and discretion
Giancarlo85
Well my bf doesn’t make “tra*nny” porn… I’m cool with it. We’re upfront about that sort of stuff. And yes, he’s gay… not bi. Best to be honest rather than hide stuff.
Giancarlo85
@Giancarlo85: *Whoa… bad auto-correct. My bf does like tra*nny porn. LOL. Oops.
BigG
he should have been honest in the beginning. No trust.
RIGay
My first boyfriend kept that secret from me for six months, too, and my reaction was just as bad. I told him that if I wanted to date someone who wore a dress, I would be into women. We never recovered from that and broke up a few months later.
Personally, I don’t find drag all that interesting; not my thing.
Prinny
Dump him!
Captain proton
some boyfriends know beforehand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_3eGd0HGSs
Bauhaus
“A business trip that had been scheduled to stretch over an entire weekend finished earlier than expected so I decided to surprise my man and come home early.
Surprise your man at the risk of being surprised yourself.
martinbakman
23 year old had a business trip? What is he, a hooker?
Captain Obvious
Stopped caring at 23, in gay world he’s basically a newborn. He has no business dating someone who’s going on 60 anyway, but his daddy is a part time mommy. Big whoop. His lil mind will be blown when he moves past twink to the real freaky stuff. 🙂
Glücklich
@martinbakman:
THAT’S the take-away here?
You clearly don’t work with many young people. I was taking business trips before I could drink on them and that was nearly 20 years ago.
Glücklich
@RIGay:
Drag’s one thing. *This* situation doesn’t sound like drag.
jamih
@Tebn: Lol, ever heard of sissy play?