When Melissa Etheridge came out as a lesbian in 1993, she was just a few months shy of releasing her fourth album, Yes I Am. With singles like “Come To My Window” and “I’m The Only One,” Yes I Am became her mainstream breakthrough, going six-times Platinum and earning her a handful of Grammy nods.
In other words, Etheridge was one of the most prominent, out LGBTQ celebrities at the time. So you just know she’s got some stories…
In a revealing new interview with The Daily Beast, the singer-songwriter opened up about this thrilling time in her life, one filled with raucous pool parties and just as many soul-baring conversations with closeted stars who turned to her for advice.
“They would always come and confess,” Etheridge shared. “I had people come to me and say, ‘I see you being out,’ and they would apologize to me because they were not out. I would say, ‘Look, it’s very personal. It’s totally up to you, you don’t have to explain anything to me.’ There were a lot, and some have since come out.”
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One such star was Ricky Martin, whose solo career was beginning to take off internationally in the mid-to-late ’90s:
“Ricky Martin was concerned because he was a sex symbol. I was like, ‘Dude, it’s obvious you’re gay.’ It’s been wonderful to see all these people finally come into themselves.”
Among the other celebrities Etheridge says she “consulted” were Barry Manilow, Jodie Foster, and Ellen Degeneres—who famously came out in 1997 on her hit sitcom, Ellen.
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But not everyone Etheridge spoke with ultimately decided to come out. She shares that some chose to stay closeted, “shut that part of themselves off,” and even get married.
“It’s their choice, it’s always their choice, our choice. I would never out anyone. But to me, it just solidifies and tells me how good it is to come out, because one can see the difference between their lives and those of us who have come out and our happiness. Ultimately, your fame, success, and career are not going to keep you happy when you’re old.”
For Etheridge, these interactions further solidified the importance of living in your truth, saying that those who came out have ended up living happier lives than those who didn’t.
Related: 5 gay celebrity couples who are are raising kids and warming our hearts
Elsewhere in the piece, the musician reflected on those aforementioned raucous pool parties. She was married to filmmaker Julie Cypher at the time and, between the two of them, they had a number of soon-to-be-super-famous friends who they spent a lot of time with, everyone from Degeneres and Rosie O’Donnell to Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. Their get-togethers sound like the stuff of every ’90s kids’ dreams:
“I tell you. It had this pool in the backyard. It was just an open house constantly,” Etheridge reflects. “There was a lot of drinking, a lot of cannabis-smoking, and a whole lot of fun when I look back on it. I’m really glad I got to go through that in my life and know all these people. Now I only see Ellen like once a year maybe. I don’t see Rosie. I haven’t seen Brad in 10 years. Everyone got on with their lives, but this was a beautiful, golden time when we all had our dreams of what we wanted, and then we saw each of us just explode in our lives and careers. It was really nice.”
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As The Daily Beast pointed out, it sounded like The L Word but in real life. According to Etheridge, there’s a very good reason for that:
“Oh, The L Word was written about all that happened!” Etheridge laughed. “I knew (show co-creator and executive producer) Ilene Chaiken. She was part of that group. She was very, very much inspired by all of us. I stopped watching The L Word because I lived it!”
In other words, we have Etheridge to thank. Not just for The L Word, but for an entire generation of out, gay celebrities!
Etheridge’s one-woman show, My Window: A Journey Through Life opens at the New World Stages in New York City on October 9 and runs through the month. You can read her full interview with The Daily Beast here.
MikeM
Hearing “Come to my Window” just takes me back to a time when I knew who was on the music charts and life was good. It’s good now, but I understand the nostalgia. I liked Melissa’s eighties music, too. “Similar Features”, etc…
bachy
Those pool parties sound like a helluva lot of fun! I imagine Melissa to be a rockin’ host!
But unlike Melissa, I would never be able to tell someone like Ricky Martin, “Everyone knows you’re gay” – because I didn’t “know” he was gay!
I have the worst gaydar. I’d had friends for years –people I was very close to – and I didn’t know they were gay (or lesbian). Peripheral people would come up to me and say, “Your friend is gay, you know!” and I would tell them they were wrong!
I’ve always assumed people are who they tell me they are.
dbmcvey
I think it’s easier to tell if someone is gay if you know them. I might not have known from the media that Ricky Martin was gay but from what I understand, he didn’t hide it in person.
cuteguy
There was an episode of SATC where they made fun of everyone knowing that Ricky was gay. I don’t blame him for not coming out back then bc that would’ve been career suicide. Just ask Rupert Everett. If you recall Ricky had a beard who was a reporter or something that he paid to parade around as his fiancé, Thank God those times are over.
Mattster
Interesting, I remember seeing him all over magazines and so on when he was in Menudo—Yes, I’m old, LOL—and thinking he was gay way back when he was a tween.
I was at work with a large group of Latina women during lunch in the 90’s and they were all talking about how he was gay, and not with any animosity either, it was just interesting gossip.
But yeah, his career would probably have taken a big hit if he’d come out back then.
Jim
Oh yes Melissa you are a legend in your own mind.
dbmcvey
Why the bitchiness? She’s an amazing artist and very important.
Cam
She talked about what a nice guy this homophobic preacher was, nope.
dbmcvey
If you’re talking about Rick Warren, I hate to break it to you but he was a nice guy. Homophobes can be charming in person.
FreddieW
Oh, dear God, just imagine if I had said Rick Warren was a nice guy (which I wouldn’t, because I’ve never liked him). Patsy and Edina would be on me like ducks on a junebug.
dbmcvey
Fred, did you ever meet Rick Warren? He is a nice guy and a horrible human being.
FreddieW
Nope, never met Rick Warren. I was in a class at my church in the early 2000’s using his book, “The Purpose Driven Life”. I remember thinking it was a crock of BS, even back then when I was a believer. I don’t remember my specific objections to the material since I left that all behind almost 20 years ago.
dbmcvey
Fred, he also did a lot of AIDS work and seemed like he was helping people. People didn’t know what he was preaching, only his actions. Much like Mother Teresa, he did good work for terrible reasons. Great for you to judge but when you’re actually working on helping people you don’t always realize what is in someone who seems to be helping’s heart.
Bromancer7
Damn, that’s a lot of toaster ovens she’s earned.
JLB
forgot all about this Bromancer7! thanks for the laugh!