While Mother’s Day is meant as a day to celebrate all the hard work your mom’s done so you can guiltlessly continue to ignore her the rest of the year, some mother’s will not be ignored. And a bouquet of wilting roses ain’t gonna cut it. For those legendary mothers from hell who have inspired and terrified us, we offer a gift guide from the heart…of darkness.
Check out Queerty’s Gift Guide for 5 Iconic Mothers from Hell.
Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development
Matron of the dysfunctional Bluth clan, Lucille rules her family with an iron fist that’s also simultaneously clutching a vodka martini. She’s accustomed to the finer things in life, even if the finer things have abandoned Lucille just like her ungrateful children. Except, of course, Buster.
What to get the mother who used to have everything?
Okay…how about some more time with those ungrateful kids, then? Not Buster, though. He’s had enough.
Sure things may have gotten out of hand every now and then between Christina and Mommie Joan, but you’ve got to treat a star like a star. Even when that star’s your mother.
What to get the mother of all movie stars?
Perhaps a closet organizer.
A boy’s best friend is his mother and young Norman Bates has one doozy of a BFF. Emphasis on the second “F.”
What to get the mother that’s with you always and forever?
Moisturizer. She’ll need it.
Her enthusiasm may get the best of her sometimes, but Mama Rose just wants the best for her kids and she’ll sacrifice everything to get it. Of course she’ll let ’em know that she has at any chance she gets.
What to get the mama who just wants to smell the roses?
Just give her a shot.
In the name of the the mother, the daughter and her dirty pillows, the deeply religious Maggie White loves her daughter Carrie so much she’s willing to kill her to save her eternal soul. Or something like that.
What to get the holier-than-thou mother from hell?
Jackhoffsky
The only flowers I’m giving my mother is for her gravestone.
boring
I was just at a discount store, and they had a Mother’s Day-themed basket that included Godiva Chocolate, Chamomile tea, a bottle of wine and a copy of Blue Valentine on DVD. Whoever made that basket either never saw the movie, or is the meanest, most hilarious motherfucker in all the land.