New Life’s Day of Hope Dashes Hope

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Yesterday marked New Life Church’s Post-Ted Haggard potentially cathartic “Day of Hope”. Herding the 14,000 strong flock, church leaders confessed that a number of witnesses had stepped forward to confirm the incomprehensible depths of Haggard’s unholiness. Speaking to the congregation, Revered Larry Stockstill paraphrased a two and a half page letter detailing Haggard’s transgressions:

We have verified the reality of [Haggard’s] struggle through numerous individuals who reported to us firsthand knowledge of everything from sordid conversation to overt suggestions to improper activities to improper relationships. These findings established a pattern of behavior that culminated in the final relationship in which Ted was, as a matter of grace, caught.

While some hoped the summation would bring some closure, it seems the nightmare may have just begun. Stockstill went on to tell parishioners that offcials have discovered some more dubious staffers:

I can report we have found a few staff members struggling with unrelated sin issues. Each such person has been confronted and has submitted to discipline.

Hmmm, we wonder what this submission entailed. Do you think potential king Rob Brendle administered said discipline? He may look innocent, but we bet he bounds and gags with the best of the them.

Meanwhile, the church will continue to finance the Haggard family’s broken existence through the end of the year. Mama Haggard, Gayle, has taken some time away from the madness to continue her “sexual counseling” elsewhere. Either she was a hard core dyke or she’s taking a much needed vacation.