FALSE ALARM

No, The Vladimir Putin Butt Plug Is Actually Not Safe To Use

g6qR2JgThe Internet did a raucous hair flip and threw its hands into the air yesterday when HuffPo caught wind of the (probably not) first-ever butt plug shaped like Russian President Vladimir Putin.

As expected, nearly every source that has reported the invention since has encouraged readers to “Putin your butt” or “shove Putin where he belongs,” burying the fact that this hilarious sex toy is actually not a sex toy at all — it’s a 3D object made of sandstone, a material you definitely don’t want anywhere near your rear.

The Vladimir Putin butt plug is actually just a figurine in the shape of a butt plug, but it’s still pretty cool.

Graphic designer Fernando Sosa explained in a Reddit post that he made the toy with a 3D printer because he “wanted to make a voodo[o]-like doll of him so people could do whatever they wanted to Mr. Putin in the privacy of their own home.”

So before you spend $23 on something you can’t insert in your body (ugh, who would do that?), know that if you cave to your overwhelming desire to literally sit on Putin’s face, Sosa is not responsible for it.

He is, however, “looking for a few people to help me buy raw materials like skin safe silicone or rubber” to make a fully functional Putin plug.

Until then, we suggest the Hand of Adonis.