MISSIONARY POSITION

Porn Video “Uncovers” Mitt Romney’s Secret Mormon Gay-Sex Past

Paul Jackson, the mastermind behind the porn site MormonBoyz.com (NSFW) has supposedly uncovered a deep, dark—and gay—secret in the Church of Latter Day Saints.

According to a press release from the site, an elite Mormon group known as the Videntium Oraculi, or the True Order of the Priesthood, practices “ordination by insemination.” During initiation into the order, young LDS lads are “[subjected] to extensive sessions of sexual intercourse with their priesthood brothers and elders.”

Jackson claims presidential hopeful Mitt Romney participated in “ordination by insemination” and features a clip on the site showing a Romney-looking fellow, ahem, indoctrinating a young initiate.

An anonymous source from within the order claims that Mitt Romney had formerly been involved with the Videntium Oraculi, and was ordained via insemination while a student at Brigham Young University. The same source also claimed that Mitt Romney recently, as a bishop of the church, had anally raped dozens of young men and boys.

Romney, through a spokesman, vehemently denied the accusation that he had been anally violated as a missionary youth in France, or had been the perpetrator of such acts. “this is an absolutely outrageous attack against the Mormon faith,” said an obviously nervous and agitated spokesman. Speaking off the record, another aid to Romney said, “this is our worst nightmare…that the truth of Mormonism would finally come to light…don’t quote me on that, this is completely off the record!”

If you haven’t figured out by now this is a porn parody, we question whether you should be allowed to vote in the November election. Then again, considering some of the homoerotic shenanigans Mitt got up to in his youth, this does kind of sound like something he’d be a part of.

 

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18 Comments

  • BJ McFrisky

    This “story” is below even Queerty’s standards. Stop being so childish about Romney—it makes us all look bad.

  • Vman455

    @BJ McFrisky: Agreed. And to Mr. Jackson, the best parodies are good because they bear some resemblance to their intended victims. The Mormon church has never used Latin, preferring instead to make up words in “ancient” languages, like “deseret” (the Utah state motto, and allegedly an ancient American word for honeybee) or “Adam-ondi-ahman” (the name of the valley in Missouri where Mormons believe Adam blessed his progeny and a Mormon temple will be built before the Second Coming, allegedly in the Adamic ur-language). Leave the Latin and corny masks for the Catholic porn.

  • DuMaurier

    Is it just me, or does the guy look more like Ryan? Either way, let’s grow up a little, shall we? This just plays into the old stereotype that homosexuality is rooted in arrested emotional development.

  • Katbox

    What? It’s funny.

  • Ogre Magi

    Christianity and porn go together like cat hair and ice cream

  • Cee

    I just went to MormonBoyz.com and I totally know who runs that website lmao I bet no one else has put two and two together yet.

  • mikeandrewsdantescove

    I’m not voting for Romney. However, this story seems to be impossible to believe. He has such hatred towards gay.

    Allen Andrews
    ManoftheYear Now on Itunes

  • LandStander

    To everyone yelling about how this story -has- to be fake…

    NO DUH! Read the rest of the article…

    “If you haven’t figured out by now this is a porn parody, we question whether you should be allowed to vote in the November election.”

  • Lvng1tor

    @BJ McFrisky: Agreed

  • queertypie

    Why would “Queerty” post an article such as this? If Queerty is trying to be “theonion.com”, i’ve see the onion and I thought Queerty was better than this.

  • randallreynolds

    So I visited the site, and it’s repulsive. Sorry, just can’t get a hard-on for anything Mormon. The whole cult is pathetic.

  • jmps

    From magic underpants to Videntium Oraculi the beliefs and practices of the Mormon Church are indeed crazy. But having said that the beliefs and practices of all religions are just as crazy. The Mormons do not have a monopoly on bat-shit craziness. Virgin births, talking snakes, body eating and blood drinking rituals are all common in the mainstream Christian churches. So Mormons believe you go to some far away planet when you die how weirder is that than going to live among the clouds with harp strumming angels?

  • Vman455

    @jmps: Apparently you missed the punchline. “Videntium Oraculi” is a made-up organization in a porn parody of secret Mormon rituals–it does not exist.

  • SteveMD2

    @BJ McFrisky:

    here its complicated but the chief homophobe of the state house got outed for all practical purposes

    it explains why his wife left him and he was arrested for drunk driving.

    Another homophobe in the state house – he had an affair with a gay person who is a friend of another gay I know. Justice is sweet – his wife somehow found out and is divorcing him.

  • Guillermo3

    @Katbox: Thanks,Katbox!
    [Hope you don’t smell like one] It is hilarious.You’ve got to
    think that when even even BJ McFrisky says something is beneath his,
    or Queerty’s standards,it must be GOOD!

  • jerbear

    Thank you for the light-hearted post. I actually was brought to tears from laughter.

  • JustSayin

    Sure does shed a different light on the idea of attending a Mormon SEMENary….

  • fredo777

    @Katbox: “Is it just me, or does the guy look more like Ryan?”

    He definitely does look more like Paul Ryan. That’s poor casting, if you ask me. If someone has a Mitt fetish, it might help to cast someone who actually favors him.

Comments are closed.