President Of Zimbabwe Promises To Behead Homosexuals In Exchange For Your Vote

Mugabe_2338710bZimbabwe President Robert Mugabe is looking to secure votes ahead of the country’s national election on July 31. The ironfisted dictator made his views on LGBT equality all too clear this week at a rally in front of thousands of supporters, describing homosexuals as “worse than pigs, goats and birds.”

So naturally, we should behead them. Right?

Mugabe vowed to continue criminalizing homosexuality in the country if elected (as if anyone else has a chance), and will spend his 34th year in the nation’s highest office trying to figure out his toughest riddle: How come every time you lock two gay dudes in a house for five years, they never come out with two babies?:

“If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.”

Furthermore, Mugabe threw some shade at Preisdent Obama, suggesting that other African nations were forced to “accept the practice” of homosexuality in order to receive aid—something Zimbabwe definitely does not need:

“This thing (homosexuality) seeks to destroy our lineage by saying John and John should wed, Maria and Maria should wed. Imagine this son born out of an African father, (US President Barrack) Obama says if you want aid, you should accept the homosexuality practice. Aah, we will never do that.”

So keep your clean drinking water and food rations, United States! Zimbabwe has everything they need in the world’s largest collection of severed gay heads.