President Of Zimbabwe Promises To Behead Homosexuals In Exchange For Your Vote

Mugabe_2338710bZimbabwe President Robert Mugabe is looking to secure votes ahead of the country’s national election on July 31. The ironfisted dictator made his views on LGBT equality all too clear this week at a rally in front of thousands of supporters, describing homosexuals as “worse than pigs, goats and birds.”

So naturally, we should behead them. Right?

Mugabe vowed to continue criminalizing homosexuality in the country if elected (as if anyone else has a chance), and will spend his 34th year in the nation’s highest office trying to figure out his toughest riddle: How come every time you lock two gay dudes in a house for five years, they never come out with two babies?:

“If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.”

Furthermore, Mugabe threw some shade at Preisdent Obama, suggesting that other African nations were forced to “accept the practice” of homosexuality in order to receive aid—something Zimbabwe definitely does not need:

“This thing (homosexuality) seeks to destroy our lineage by saying John and John should wed, Maria and Maria should wed. Imagine this son born out of an African father, (US President Barrack) Obama says if you want aid, you should accept the homosexuality practice. Aah, we will never do that.”

So keep your clean drinking water and food rations, United States! Zimbabwe has everything they need in the world’s largest collection of severed gay heads.

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  • 2eo

    Not surprising in the least, they’ve actually being beheading us for decades, recently though they stopped eating the people, though with the food shortages it wouldn’t surprise me if they were at it again.*

    Violent savages and Mugabe is a evil, [email protected] monster, his supporters are the worst kind of religious maniacs, buying into his christian cult of personality.

    * Not a joke, they literally used to eat the remains of murder victims.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Please don’t give Rick Perry any more ideas.

  • hyhybt

    “If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.”

    So… is this his test? Because he’s going to wind up executing an awful lot of straight men that way too.

  • David

    evil monster

  • jwrappaport

    What do they shout at his rallies – “34 more years!”?

  • stadacona

    Obama needs to throw a cruise missile at Mugabe’s black ass.

  • Scribe38

    @stadacona: Not at all might hit some innocent people. How about seal team six this asshole, then drop him in the sea after getting Putin too

  • Daniel-Reader

    I wouldn’t work for the Zimbabwe government as an envoy, ambassador, and any other position knowing what Mugabe has triggered with his lunacy.

  • hyhybt

    @Scribe38: Aside from anything else, that sort of approach aimed at foreign politicians does more harm than good. If there weren’t supportive power behind him, Mugabe would not keep his position long. And so long as there *is* powerful support, someone else as bad would step into his place.

    Remember that Putin just signed the law; it was passed nearly unanimously by their legislature, and seems to have popular support among the Russian people.

  • Fael

    @Scribe38: Where are the innocent? After all, practically the whole nation supports him and has the same ideas and ideals.

  • Ogre Magi

    Some one should tell him he has a booger hanging out of his nose in that pic

  • the other Greg

    Doesn’t he have a nearby nation to bash, that actually HAS marriage-equality? – South Africa! Does he talk about Mandela the same way he talks about Obama here?

  • LadyL

    @the other Greg: There’s NO WAY he’s going to mention Mandela’s name–that could give his countrymen ideas.

  • stfallon1028

    Yet another brutal dictator the US, and by proxy the UN has kept in power all these decades in favor of access to their country’s natural resources. Diamonds over human rights people! Jerks

  • Kieran

    This is the “Great Leader” who took the country of Rhodesia and turned it into a rathole that makes Detroit look like a financial paradise.

  • fredhotman

    Brutal Dictator

  • Tommysole

    We should let ALL of Africa to their own devices, ALL of Europe, Asia, South American Latin America to their own damn devices.
    Us first, everyone else second.
    Starving children in Haiti? Screw em! Charity starts at home and we need to focus on our own country first.
    Do not EVER knock on my door looking for donations for feed the brats on some other continent that I have never been to. I will throw you off my door step.

  • Eiswirth

    May he die the most horrible death imaginable — and soon.

  • Stache1

    Evil Despot Dictator advocates torture and killing people. A real life monster. Carrying on the Idi Amin legacy really nicely too.

  • Dxley

    I wish he could die a slow and painful death. The day he dies, the world will celebrate. This sh!t needs to relinquish power but I guess he realises that if he does, that’s the end of him. LITERALLY!!!

    -South African Guy

  • #1SouthAfrican

    This is ridiculous. What happened to overpriced assassins?

  • GeriHew

    What’s wrong with pigs, goats and birds?

  • 1EqualityUSA

    only gay pigs, goats, and birds…he meant.

  • gppm1103

    Wouldn’t it be nice if they could shoot him and hang in in the Square in Harare kind of like they did with Mussolini. He is much the same.

  • hyhybt

    @GeriHew: Well, they’re all generally regarded as sub-human and to be killed without remorse.

  • Icebloo

    Despite Mugabe being insane and despite him DESTROYING the Zimbabwean economy and stealing the elections western countries resumed giving financial aid to this monster last year. So all this bullshi$ about western leaders saying they support gay people is just lip service to get us to vote for them. NONE of them have actually stopped giving money to these anti-gay extremists. Isn’t it comforting to know we can’t afford to look after our own people yet our governments can find money to give to this monster to help keep him in power.

  • Icebloo

    @the other Greg: I’m hoping you do know Mandela has not been President of South Africa for over a decade ? Mandela only served one term as President and during that time he did NOT do a thing for gay people. I fact he was an absolute disaster at President and that’s why he got out of the job as soon as he could. He ruined the South African economy and crime went up over 1000% percent and yes I did mean a THOUSAND percent.
    Mandela is a great campaigner but he was a TERRIBLE President. Unfortunately he is such a huge icon that it’s politically incorrect to say anything bad about him. People overlook the chaos he produced when he was President.

  • Kangol


    The whole nation does not support him.

    Are you unaware of the brutal violence this man has unleashed on the opposition, to which he nearly lost an “election” a few years ago. He had the main opposition attacked by his thugs, opposition voters assaulted and raped (in some cases), and threatened them with the loss of their jobs, freedom, you name it.

    The man is a horrible, brutal dictator like so many who have held power over centuries, and he maintains power mainly by intimidation and outright violence. He has utterly destroyed his country. I sincerely hope Zimbabweans can clear him and everyone associated with his toxic rule out of office at the next election, even despite the hell he’ll yet again unleash on them.

  • Kangol


    Nelson Mandela served as South Africa’s first post-apartheid president, and presided over a transition to full democracy for all of South Africa’s people. He was 80 years old when he retired and never planned to run for a second term.

    He oversaw national reconciliation, instead of widespread retribution, and even kept the horrid F. W. Klerk in his cabinet to assure white South Africans, who had benefitted from decades of r•acist apartheid policies, that the government included everyone in the country.

    He inherited a country in which a small minority (of whites) and a portion of the mixed-race population controlled nearly all the wealth, received nearly all the benefits of infrastructure and resources, and controlled almost every economic lever. Employment was at 33% when he took office. By the time he left office he had helped millions of people to gain access to basic services Americans take for granted, like clean water, telephone service, elementary education, nearby health clinics, and housing.

    He was a remarkable president for a country under dramatic transition from a longstanding, corrupt, inept white suprem*acist regime to a country governed not only by a representative of the majority of its people, but with a new vision for the future.

  • GeriHew

    @1EqualityUSA: It wasn’t reported that the billy goat who attacked President Mugabe in 2005 was gay. But maybe he was.

    A billy goat did some rough, instant justice to the President

    when his motorcade stopped to refuel en-route to the eastern

    resorts of Nyanga. The president, popularly known as Bob got

    out to stretch his legs, and speak to a couple locals. He was

    holding a bottle of water, when a Billy goat developed a

    profound interest and chose to pursue it. Whilst Bob swung

    the bottle at the goat, it quickly and sharply pierced Bob’s

    scrotum, and large bowel. Mugabe’s notorious bodyguards

    seemed unable to prevent the attack as the goat lunged

    towards the president, perhaps the goat should be handling

    his security in future. By the time they reached Christmas pass

    outside mutare, the President was in horrible pain and had to

    be rushed to a secret location in Mutare for medical treatment.

    It is not clear why the president was visiting Nyanga but

    Zimdaily understands Mugabe has a secret passion for

    gambling. He is rumoured to have visited Montclair Hotel in

    Nyanga endless times to fulfill his gambling desires, as he

    cannot use the facilities in Harare Showgrounds for security

    reasons. Grace Mugabe, the president’s young wife, is believed

    to be in Pretoria doing what she does best, last minute

    shopping for Xmas.

    Rumours are mounting that the couple have a strained

    relationship and to be in separate countries so close to the

    festive season is a telling indicator that this is indeed likely

    to be true. It is almost common knowledge that they no

    longer sleep in the same bed, so this twist in events is

    unlikely to make that much of a difference to a marriage

    that seems to revolve around convenience.

    The president is also rumoured to be in the process of acquiring

    a private jet to allow him to make more frequent, long distance

    trips more securely and to reduce the burden of fueling hassles.

    He is expected to join Grace and the children in South Africa

    once the doctors give him the all clear.

  • Victor_in_PA

    There’s only one beheading I’d like to see…HIS!

  • 1EqualityUSA

    #30 GeriHew, This was priceless. Thank you. This guy is a piece of work. Goat’s know these things.

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