Probably-Gay Florida Governor Not Worried That Lots of Homosexuals Are Going to Show Up at His Sham Wedding

In the most magical and improbable wedding since The Sex and the City movie, adorable Oompa-Loompa skinned Florida Governor Charlie Crist is set to marry Carole Rome, a divorced mother of two best known for adding the slogan “Where Fashion Meets Halloween” to her father’s costume company. Crist announced his engagement right around the time best-bud John McCain was looking shopping for V.P.’s, but Mac chose Mooseburger over Charlie and now the Governor is stuck having to follow through on the whole “marriage” thing.

When we first heard gay-rights activists planned to protest the Governor’s wedding, set for next week in St. Petersburg, we assumed it was a last-ditch effort to save Crist from a terrible mistake, but it turns out that they’re protesting the recently-passed Amendment 2, which bans gay marriage in Florida, and which the closet case politician supported. He didn’t campaign for the Amendment though, as he was focusing most of his efforts at the time on sending John McCain flowers and cards reading “Together 4-Eva!” on them. Is Charlie worried that his storybook wedding will be ruined by a bunch of angry gays?

Not really. Crist tells the Tampa Tribune that protesters have a First Amendment right to protest and that he has “no jitters” about the wedding.

We should point out that there’s no actual proof that Gov. Crist is one threesome with an aide away from becoming the next Jim McGreevey and in fact, The Broward-Palm Beach New Times published a six-page report in 2006 titled “Charlie Crist is NOT Gay. ” Of course, it was subtitled “And other things the Republican Party wants you to believe on Election Day”, so there’s that.

Little pre-wedding anecdotes like this one don’t help either:

“The wedding is little more than a week away, but Gov. Charlie Crist still hasn’t picked up the 18-karat white-gold bands created by St. Petersburg jeweler Hien Nguyen.

“You know how men are,” Nguyen said Wednesday. “They say they will come by and pick up and then they don’t.”

Yeah, we know how men are.