Singer Tom Goss may be a rising star in the gay music scene, but that almost didn’t happen.
The Son of A Preacher Man singer recently told The Fight magazine that for a long time he thought he was asexual and was actually considering becoming a priest.
Related: The Classic ‘Son Of A Preacher Man’ Gets A Surprising Gay Twist In This Powerful New Music Video
“I was very late in understanding my sexuality,” Goss, who didn’t come out until after college, said. “I think a big part of me shut off any interest in intimacy after my parent’s divorce.”
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He continued, “I remember being in college and not really understanding where everyone’s sexual drive was coming from. I knew I wasn’t attracted to women, but I also spent the majority of my time roughhousing with my wrestling teammates. We hung out together, practiced together and showered together.”
Related: Were the College Wrestling Porn Stars Stupid? Or Just Naive?
But being around a group of young, musclebound college wrestlers pumped full of testosterone didn’t have any affect on Goss.
“These were 18–22 year old men, beautiful and with bodies to die for, I didn’t find them attractive either,” he said. “As a result I just assumed I was asexual.”
After college, Goss began training to become a priest at a Catholic Seminary. It was there that he says a classmate helped him realize he was gay… and that he was attracted to hairier, beefier men, not smooth college athletes.
“I was attracted to bears,” he said. “It’s so outside the norm, I just never considered it.”
He continued, “When I entered seminary I had a classmate that fit the mold. We became close friends and it was then that I realized that I was also physically attracted to him. Hooray! It was quite a sigh of relief, I wasn’t asexual at all, I just found bears attractive!”
Related: Dad Bods, Otters, And Bears! Oh My! The 10 Most Common Male Body Types
Quite a relief, indeed!
Today, 35-year-old Goss is happily married to his husky husband Michael Briggs. A few years ago, he even recorded a song and released a music video paying homage to the men he most admires appropriately titled Bears.
Watch.
BigG
He has great taste!
ChrisK
Funny how he keeps himself so toned, smooth, and muscled yet is only attracted to guys that are completely the opposite. Wouldn’t it be better if he at least didn’t shave.
Poncho Sanchez
According to this NYT article, the millennial crowd doesn’t like the public showers in the gym, I think I observed this myself, a lot of older men shower in the locker room, hardly ever see a young man showering.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/04/fashion/mens-style/mens-locker-room-designers-take-pity-on-naked-millennials.html?_r=0
Hussain-TheCanadian
I love how this entire article was written/presented, I chuckled when the big reveal was made about him being attracted to Bears. I like it; we as human beings love a variety of body types, shapes, hair level, and age – It should be presented.
On a side note, I attended one of my university’s wrestling match last weekend, and I got to say, i couldn’t sit properly, it was torture.
josh_hughesdavies
@ChrisK: That’s like saying a guy and a girl should look the same when they date. Just because two people of the same gender are dating it doesn’t mean they have to look/act the same or even completely different. Attraction and identity are full of grey areas and they don’t correspond in the way we expect them to. I’m very particular about the dudes I like and often they are nothing like me in appearance.
Matt1961
As a Bear I approve of this article and music video haha.
BearCityGreg
@ChrisK: Lots of big oldsters, such a myself, love a clean shaven, athletic gent who, in turn, likes a chunky dude. As @john_hughesdavies said, we aren’t all seeking for a mirror image. I happen to be an EOE & like a little of everything, but the leaner, clean shaven athlete types have a slight edge in complimenting my “superabundance!” Kudos to the multitalented Tom & his loving bear.
Nixter
Bears- an excuse for some gay men to be fat and stinky, yuck !
Kangol
There are big beefy, very hairy wrestlers and judoka of all races and ethnicities too. Just watch the upper weight categories at the Olympics. WOOF!
He BGB
So he didn’t even get a semi bone*r? Sometines youre too nervous and anxious to be thinking of sex but that doesnt mean youre not attracted. This sounds more like a fetish. Nothing wrong with that but isn’t that what it is?
jdboston617
@Nixter: Mature dude… So what’s your “excuse” for being a judgmental asshole?
BartmanLA
@Nixter Real grown up comment dude, obviously you have a stereotypical view point, I’m one of those fat (but not stinky) gay men you referenced and I can tell you that there’s many times I’ve encountered average sized guys who could do with some personal hygiene improvements.
mardun
Great Video.
Brian
Tom Goss’s sexuality seems to be fetish-based rather than gender-based. The fetish is “big and hairy”.
I would not call him a true homosexual. I would say that he is still largely asexual in his innate sexuality, and needs his fetish to be realized before he becomes sexual.
I could be wrong in all of the above but that is my assessment of him. Fetish – rather than gender – plays a big role in some men’s ability to become aroused.
paul dorian lord fredine
i’ve known men who consider themselves bears because they were not the typical shaven skinny, often effeminate, bar-goers, just a little hairier, a little more masculine-looking and larger guys but none of them were like some of the obese examples in that video. just calling oneself a bear does not hide the fact that you’re simply fat. i have to agree with brian. it’s not that he loves bears it’s just that it seems he’s, as we used to call them, a chubby chaser.
fur_hunter
@ChrisK: …Chris….That was funny. I liked your post. I’m still chuckling.
fur_hunter
@josh_hughesdavies: ….Josh…..Chris was being sarcastic. He was making a funny. He did not mean it as a slam, I”m sure.
Aromaeus
I thought bears were bearded guys with lots of body hair? The majority of these guys are just fat so wouldn’t they be just chubs?
fur_hunter
@Brian: …Brian…..I’m not sure you are correct. We all have physical qualities that attract us. Not every guy out there is someone I want to physically be with. Personally, I like average to muscled builds with fur, preferable dark fur. Fur on the chest, stomach, face, arms, legs….WHY? Because to me, fur has a sense of masculinity, in my mind. What can I say? Not that I dismiss smooth guys, because there is more to a man than his ‘fur’.
ProfessorMoriarty
“I was attracted to bears. It’s so outside the norm, I just never considered it.”
I’m probably being over-sensitive here, but (to me) there’s something slightly off-putting about the way he phrased this. Intolerant-adjacent straight folk use words like this to describe us.
kittyconrad
@ChrisK: How could anything be better if he didn’t shave? What he and his partner do has nothing to do with your preferences.
kittyconrad
@Brian: Being attracted to a bear is no more a fetish than being attracted to a college swimmer, wrestler or Latin major.
Nixter
@jdboston617: My “excuse” ? Observation at a club, that’s what. It’s not mean if it’s true.
JoeyRamone
@Brian: That’s sort of absurd. He’s attracted to big, hairy MEN, not women. All attraction, after gender, involves some sort of fetish. One might argue that gender attraction itself is a deeply rooted fetish. Fetishes, btw, do not involve choice.
Mykey
Time to celebrate the bears!!!
BartmanLA
@Brian: I’m sorry you are mistaken about Tom, I personally know him, and he isn’t a fetishist, far from it, he’s genuine and his marriage to his husband is no less real or emotional than any other marriage gay or straight. Just like my marriage, to a very real Asian, and it’s not due to a fetish, it’s love and a deep emotional connection just like Tom’s is. To categorize him in such a way is judgmental on your part.
Herman75
Awwwwwww…love the waking up with the slumbering bear scene. Nice music video.
Herman75
^
Just checked out some other music videos by Tom Goss. Lot of good stuff. Son of a Preacher man and also Breath and Sound are both MUST SEE. Very well done and very moving music videos.
mujerado
@Nixter: It may have been true of the men you “observed.” That doesn’t mean it’s true of everyone of that type. Don’t generalize; it’s almost always inaccurate.
BillSam
@paul dorian lord fredine: The chubby chaser movement, which has been around even longer than the bear movement, seems to be overtaking the bear movement. Being a bear simply means body hair and facial hair, and perhaps a stocky frame. It does not automatically mean fat, although many people now think it does. “Otters” and “wolves” are thin bears, but nowadays they rarely get attention — it’s all very heavy-set guys.
I think it’s funny that the singer runs out of the restaurant when a rather good-looking, stocky but not obese guy walks by, but at the end that guy is gone and the singer is practically in bed with a “manatee” (morbidly obese gay guy).
There’s just no accounting for taste!
Nixter
@mujerado: of course, not everyone, but many. So yes, I do believe in some generalizating.
ErikO
Who is this guy and why is queerty claiming this guy is asexual?
ChrisK
@kittyconrad: Kitty get the litter out of your brain. I wasn’t talking about my personal preference.
Brian
@BartmanLA:
I agree that Tom’s relationship is not a fetish. I’m simply saying that initial attraction may be based on fetish.
For example, consider the guy who is attracted to blonde women with big boobs. He may end up having a wonderful long-term relationship with a blonde woman with big boobs but his initial attraction to her was based on the fetish of “blonde hair and big boobs”.
Gay-identifying guys are no different to straight-identifying guys in this regard. Fetishes cut across identity lines.
Daggerman
..lets be honest here I cannot believe this guy. He actually eventually got someone to explain to him that he was GAY in college??? Never heard of such silly poppycock! His brain must be missing!!!!
Frank McGinness
It’s so weird he like bears, big hairy guys, but doesn’t like hairy 50% of their attributes. He is liking the term Bear, but is not understanding bears mean fur. He actually likes just big men, not bears or cubs. Geez, it’s like liking a Mecican Xoloitzcuintli dog but only by making it wear a fur coat.
YogiPerogy
@ChrisK:
Don’t bears love younger, more trim men? Opposites attract. And perhaps also, he wants to appeal to broader musical fan base where his appearance would be more appealing than would that of a bear.
CarlIsle
It’s funny how some people here overanalyse Tom’s attraction to bears when he himself isn’t one. Haven’t they ever heard the expression “opposites attract”? Being attracted to a particular look is not a fetish.
Jack Meoff
@CarlIsle: I’m still questioning the definition of a bear used here and elsewhere in the gay community. Some people seem to think that being fat and hairy = being a bear whereas I was always under the impression that bears, while maybe having a bit of a belly, were well muscled and have beards.
Mykey
Kudos to him!