The whole âIâm cool with gay guys unless they try and hit on meâ line has been ugly and tired since, oh, it was first uttered between sips of Coors Light in a dingy sports bar.
And thankfully things are changing, as evidenced by this anecdote shared by a straight guy from a recent wedding he attended.
In short, he was sitting alone at the end of the night when a guy came up to him and said, âI just wanted to let you know that I have noticed you all night. I wanted to leave this with you before I left.â He left his number and walked off.
Hereâs the text conversation that took place shortly after:
The image has been viewed on Imgur 350K times, hopefully giving a life lesson to some other guys out there who may find themselves in a similar situation one day.
Hereâs the full caption:
I was at my cousins wedding reception and had just sat down from dancing. It was nearing the end of the night at this time so I was pretty secluded from everyone. A man walked up to me who I hadnât seen before and nervously said âwhatâs your name?â I replied, âChad, whatâs yours?â He said âShane, I just wanted to let you know that I have noticed you all night. I wanted to leave this with you before I left.â He handed me a piece of paper and quickly walked out. It was his number. Without knowing if I was straight or not he had built up the guts to put himself out there. I thought it was extremely brave and I know itâs something I wouldnât be able to do. Iâm sharing this to remind everyone to live their lives without regrets. Almost all of my regrets come from the things I didnât do, not the things I did. I will be living my life more like this man and I suggest you all do as well. Good night.
rand503
Terrific! Great lesson. I’ve missed out on so many opportunities because I didn’t have the guts to even make an approach. Between low self esteem, thinking I look like a troll and whatnot, I almost never have the courage to ask even a gay guy out for a date, let alone a guy who Im not sure about.
Regrets? Every single day! Like Bette Midler says, “I regret everything!”
Masc Pride
Awww…how special! I would’ve replied with, “You desperate queen. This is a wedding reception, not Grindr.”
Arcamenel
I do like that he took the time to text him and explain why he wasn’t interested. He could have laughed it off and thrown it away while homeboy was twisting in the wind somewhere wondering how much he effed up.
CWM85
Ah… I’ve had to do that women, a lot… I normally ignore them or say, “that’s the last place I’ll look.”
DDstar1me
@Masc Pride……there you go again. Start’en up some shit bout nothing. Y does he have to be a queen? You claim to be so masculine and you use the word girl and queen to describe gay men more than most gay men. you must really hate yourself. You hate that your gay. Don’t you? lol.
DDstar1me
I can’t with you Masc Pride. LMAO.
blkluvla
The story of my life every day: craving straight men. It’s torture, but I can’t stop doing it. Yes, I know . . . I need therapy.
unreligious
@Masc Pride: I guess we’ve found out who’s the author of “How to win friends and influence people”.
GayEGO
I used to go to gay bars back in the day which is where I met my partner 53 years ago. I guess times are a changin!
avesraggiana
What a class act. I commend them both for how they handled this.
SteveDenver
Many straight guys are horrified at the thought they might be treated the way they treat women.
Markajv
@DDstar1me: Don’t feed the trolls.
Markajv
I don’t think I could ever do that, not because of “Hate” or “Homophobia” just a little lack of self esteem. I am glad he had the courage and to the man who texted him back, I thought that was especially beyond the norm of what a straight man would do. Kudo’s to you!!There are days I think we all are moving forward in our acceptance of a lot that we do not know, then a TROLL @Masc Pride has to make a comment on a board to bring things back two steps.
woodroad34
Now, that’s a hero. His kids are going to have a terrific role model. Hell, he’s a role model for a few adults and presidential candidates to look up to.
Avery Alvarez
âIâm cool with gay guys unless they try and hit on meâ
Whenever I’ve heard this piece of garbage, I’ve always responded with, “and what makes you think any gay guy would hit on you?”, before listing a barrage of their physical shortcomings.
So, this is a very pleasant story to hear.
Juanjo
Now Cahd is an example of how a class act behaves in an awkward situation. For that I thank him. Masc Pride of course was kind enough to demonstrate the completely improper fashion in which to respond in such a situation and for that I thank him as well.
Bryguyf69
Wow, this guy has me beat by miles. Not that I get hit on that much but I normally just smile and sometimes thank the man. It never occurred to me that the man might feel rejection or agonize over why he wasn’t called. It’s actually sad that I’m so clueless because I don’t take rejection well, and have agonized over it when rejected by women.
That said, I’m not sure if saying you have a girlfriend works. My guess is that many men will see it as an excuse. Or worse, pretending to be straight (which I’ve been accused of a lot). At one point, I wore a fake wedding ring to avoid these situations. Interestingly, I got hit on even more as a “married” man. Could be a statistical quirk but it happened. Despite how desirable this makes me sound, it’s not true. I’m talking only 3-6 times a year. And the only reason I got the wedding ring is because I work in a VERY gay environment (AIDS research, with lots of gay doctors, nurses, patients, and their loved ones. Plus some side research on the biology of sexual orientation). It’s not like gays are coming up on the street asking for dates.
Additionally, my girlfriend (and gay friends) thinks that identifying as straight may make things worse. She might be right because I’m so average that I probably wouldn’t get a second look from gays if I was gay. Women certainly don’t think much of me. So maybe that whole challenge nabbing a straight man is real? It’s not for the sex, but just to see if can be done? Similarly, some of my straight guy friends fantasize about sleeping with lesbians.
Bryguyf69
Chad is classy so I hate to say this … the fact that he’s so sweet probably makes the gay guy want him even more. That’s certainly what gay friends tell me.
Bryguyf69
A lot of straight men are offended because of the misconception that being hit on by gays means you’re effeminate (or gay). My progressive straight friends know that it simply means you’re attractive. And to paraphrase Seinfeld, not that there’s anything wrong with being gay or effeminate.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
Wow. I mean, wow. Straight man. Wow. Straight. Wow. Just wow. Wow, wow, wow. Straight man. Glorious. Straight man. Wow. I mean, straights. Straights. Straights. Straights. Just heavenly.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
“Now, thatâs a hero.”
Oh, my. I mean, good lord.
Masc Pride
@blkluvla: Why do you think you need therapy? It’s not like heterosexual men are a different species. There ARE tons of super sexy straight guys out there. Just don’t go cruising them wedding receptions. lol
Captain Obvious
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: +1
CWM85
The times women hit on me I just laugh. Lol…
GlĂźcklich
Straight guy sounds like a class act.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dun-YF48gvo
Boytronic – “You” – 1983
@Masc Pride:
It’s a pretty widely accepted trope that weddings are supposedly a good place for straight singles to meet-cute and/or hook-up. Why such a negative response to the notion of a single gay man approaching another man who may appear single at a wedding? The text exchange gives the impression the girlfriend wasn’t with him. Weddings are typically formal affairs so the gay guy must have been thrown by the straight guy’s suit and tie versus the usual “I LOVE PUSSY” t-shirt.
meghanada
Awww, how eternally grateful I am to him.
FUCK YOU.
bobnla
I don’t believe this story for a minute. It’s all fabricated.
zooby
@Masc Pride: More like, don’t go cruising straight guys period. Back off. Those gay men who claim they “converted” a straight guy or enjoy doing it are pathetic and give our community a bad name.
DarkZephyr
@GlĂźcklich: Amen. People cruise at wedding receptions ALL the time. A gay man doing it isn’t any more “desperate” or “queenie” than anyone else doing it. Only somebody with contempt for gay men would think that.
DarkZephyr
@zooby: all he did was give his number. The other guy was free to toss it in the trash if he didn’t want it. Stop enforcing heteronormacy, Dude. Gay people have just as much right to seek out a date as anybody else. Do you flip your shit any time a straight woman mistakes you for a straight guy or wants to at least see if you are interested in females? Has happened to me quite a few times and the world never ended. I was just flattered, that’s all.
darkanser
@bobnla: You may have a point. Did the champagne throw off the guy’s gaydar? Just a hopeful fantasy? You’d think the gay guy would, at least, start a conversation to give his gaydar something to work with. And then if things look hopeful leave a phone number. And what straight woman would let her boyfriend go to someone else’s wedding without her? You know what happens at wedding receptions!!!
But if it is authentic it’s refreshing to see evidence that the whole cultural tradition of conditioning straight guys to be insanely paranoid about and around gay guys is ebbing away.
Cagnazzo82
@Masc Pride: There’s no reason to be a jerk about the situation.
Probably not the best idea to pick up guys at a wedding reception however đ
Masc Pride
@GlĂźcklich: I wasn’t aware of that, and it’s not even about him being gay, though that was the situation here. The women at receptions (usually drunk) that throw themselves at guys in the wedding party (or any other eligible bachelor there) hoping to be the next bride are just as desperate. Straight guys totally roast them behind their backs. Mingling and being social is the whole point (along with celebrating the newlyweds), but acting like a reception is last call at a singles bar is just tacky.
@Cagnazzo82: When someone acts that hard up, it’s pretty much a free pass to be an a$$hole. lol
Masc Pride
@zooby: I actually agree with you on that. When it comes to straight/heteroflexible guys, I need some kind of definite sign. Or I just wait for them to initiate the flirting if they’re interested.
davenbill
@Masc Pride: Obviously you’re too superficial to consider anything past a quick trick
nmharleyrider
@Arcamenel: That’s pretty damn rude and non-compassionate. It was probably not the right place for it but then, what place is outside of a gay bar.
zooby
@DarkZephyr: You missed the point completely. Unless there is a SLIGHT sign of the guy being gay or interested in men, there is no reason for him to do that. It actually could’ve ended badly. Nothing to do with heteronormacy at all. I was also referring to the guys who know a guy is straight yet continue to flirt or try to get with him. It makes our community look bad! If hey are straight or claim to be straight, people need to respect that and back off.
zooby
@Masc Pride: Did we actually just agree on something? đ Haha
sportsguy1983
Smells like a made up story to get attention online.
DuMaurier
The “unless” in âIâm cool with gay guys unless they try and hit on meâ injects a vaguely hostile and maybe even threatening note, but the core message is hardly “ugly”, and some very kind, accepting guys I’ve known have expressed that message for no reasons other than clarity and boundary setting.
Masc Pride
@davenbill: Huh?
@zooby: Yes we did. đ
@sportsguy1983: It does sound a bit made up now that you mention it.
stranded
Yeah, its too sappy sweet to be real. A straight guy nicely saying no thanks to a gay man’s advances ismonemthimg but all this encouragement and we’ll wishes makes it Seem fake
Doughosier
I’ve given my number to guys I don’t know before. Usually I get some clue they’re interested first but u have chatted up strangers before, only to hear about girlfriends. If this is their, Chad is a class act.
youarekiddingme
Great story. Times are changing…younger generation has connected much more with the LGBT community than previous generations and is much more secure in their own “manhood” that they don’t worry about being hit on by a gay guy. Btw, all they guy did was give him his phone number…he didn’t grab his ass!
@Masc Pride: You’re such a typical JERK! I know the only way you can find someone to date your sorry ASS is through Grindr where you can lie and put up fake photos and stats! Most of the Real World don’t mind trying to meet people face-to-face in social settings. Yes, that includes wedding receptions…dare to dream. Gay bars, bath houses and Grindr aren’t the only venues to meet other gay men FYI. Believe it or not there are other gay men who exist in the world who go to “normal” social functions. Get a grip TROLL! Bury your disgusting head back in Grindr and Craigslist and try to get a “hookup” for the night. Every other normal person will be trying to establish an actual relationship. DUHHHHHHHHH.
dvlaries
“A man who asks and is refused
feels like a fool for a day
But a man who never asks at all
feels like a fool for a lifetime.”
Kieran
Thank you Straight Guy for being a perfect gentleman to one of our sensitive gays. You may well have saved him from potential suicide you know by letting him down gently and giving him a pat on the head. #OurStraightHeroes
DarkZephyr
@zooby: “Unless there is a SLIGHT sign of the guy being gay or interested in men, there is no reason for him to do that.” = heteronormacy. There shouldn’t need to be a “sign”. All he did was give his number. If the guy doesn’t want it he can toss it. Period.
Louis
@Masc Pride: Beautiful response and beautifully stated this kind of enlightened attitude is how more straight men should act .
As far as YOU are concerned you are nothing more then an irritating hemorrhoid whose only lot in life is to act like you are superior to other people in this community.
You’re not though you are suffering from a massive delusion of grandeur in that regard alone.
So please stop being a petulant rude individual all your life and start showing respect to people instead of mocking them because you have some self loathing that you yourself need to figure out .
Some people smh.
Queerty the intentional spamming responding to people like this that you should have banned a long time ago is not lost on me I assure you.
Shameful actions on the moderators part on this site.
seaguy
@Masc Pride: Grindr? His note didn’t say wanna fuck? It has his phone number. Grindr is a hookup app.
n900mixalot
@Masc Pride: I’m thinking you know less about the hetero normative society you dream of being accepted into than you think you know. Weddings are where straight single guys go to bang bridesmaids, and straight single women go to bang guys who are actually dressed up … well, depending on the wedding. They’re social hook up and set up events. Never heard of the super singles table?
DarkZephyr
@n900mixalot: I think some people are just so damned unpopular, mean spirited, self superior and abrasive that they probably don’t get invited to things like weddings or wedding receptions so they don’t know what they are really about or what goes on at them.
Myshka
As a [mostly] straight woman who was the victim of a brutal sexual assault at a straight bar a few years ago, I feel more comfortable at gay bars. I have panic attacks and feel extremely uncomfortable around strange, drunk men. When women hit on me, it makes me feel really terrible because I feel like I shouldn’t be there, and being there is misleading people, and I feel so guilty and sad “rejecting” anyone. Sometimes I think I should just never leave the house again. Is that how gay guys feel when girls hit on them at straight bars or am I being overly-sensitive? Should I stay out of gay bars? I’ve met such lovely people there. đ
Myshka
Oh, by the way, while I hate to be cynical like this, because I do really love when people treat each other with kindness: I don’t think this is fake, as some are suggesting, but it’s clearly a man breaking his arm patting himself on the back for acting like a decent human being. If the gay man posted this praising the straight guy, that would be one thing. It seems like this guy has thinly veiled a “LOOK HOW PROGRESSIVE I AM!” display as an effort to share how brave he thinks this gay guy is. There is no way he couldn’t have known that he was going to be the one that came off as the hero.
I could also just be projecting, because I have a major fear of saying anything that sounds like I’m trying to tell the world what a good person I am.
Joe
@Myshka:
You are cynical.
I don’t think the straight guy is patting himself on the back. He’s being an honest human being which is s rare these days. He took the time to tell this gay man that he was straight and had a girlfriend.
Why look for something that isn’t there?
Masc Pride
Awww so much butthurt, so little time!
@Louis: Why don’t you just report me…again? You see how well it worked. đ
@seaguy: Do you know ever guy on Grindr? Some guys use Grindr to meet for coffee too.
@n900mixalot: “Weddings are where straight single guys go to bang bridesmaids, and straight single women go to bang guys who are actually dressed up…”
I don’t doubt for one second that someone with a nasty attitude like yours associates with the type of people that would do this regularly. Sounds like you’ve been to a few rec center receptions!
youarekiddingme
@Masc Pride: So….You do use Grindr….FIGURES! (and you think it’s for coffee…ha! ha!)
Like I said in my earlier post to you. Most NORMAL men meet face-to-face to form lasting relationships not some lying HOOKUP SITE where they give someone else’s photo and stats to try to get a fuck date (like you).
You are a totally insecure little man who hides behind a keyboard (for Queerty websites and your dating) and refuses to form real human interactions. Stay away from Grindr and Craigslist for your hookups (higher rates of drugs and disease there btw) and try some social interaction. You probably need to visit your local mental health facility as well to get medicated to help with your social anxiety. Good Luck Grit!
SeaNMtnsJon
I’ve hit on straight guys before and one time I had a similar reaction. Thankfully, I’ve never had anything bad happen. I love the above story and I am glad the guy went out of his way to say it takes guts and this should be a life lesson for us all. I say go for it, you have nothing to lose.
Sansacro
The self hate on this site always bracing. Why is a guy giving another a guy his number “cruising”? Is that what you label str8s who give someone a phone number? Maybe he wants to go on a date. People, including those who are gay, do go on dates! I know several people who met at weddings–ya, know, like, normal social situations, not hook up apps
zooby
@DarkZephyr: Unwanted advances … SO un-heteronormative! Classy man right there.
It is one thing if he was at a gay club, and he gave his number to a guy across the room he thought was cute. But at a wedding? Especially a straight wedding? Please. There is a time and place for that – this isn’t it. He could’ve at least chatted with the guy for a bit and seen if he was AT LEAST interested in men.
DarkZephyr
@zooby: Look Buddy, I know this is a hard concept for you to accept…but gay people shouldn’t have to hide away in bars like repulsive freaks when they want to socialize with the sex that they are interested in. Yes, there IS a time and a place for hitting on others…and wedding receptions are an example of such a time and a place, they always have been. YOU would have that restricted only to heterosexuals. THAT is why you are *definitely* promoting heteronormacy. EVERYBODY gets “unwanted advances”. All that is needed is a no thank you. If the advances persist, THEN its a problem. This was just a guy handing another guy a scrap of paper. And guess what? The other guy wasn’t as freaked out as you are about it and HE is STRAIGHT. That should give you something to think about.
yajme
@zooby: I’m a 30-year old straight guy who was linked to a different article on this site and found it kind of horrifying that the respect shown by the straight guy in this story is rare enough that it actually warranted its own article, featured at the top of the page no less.
Why should a heterosexual respond to a gay guy any differently than they would respond to a woman that they also just happen to be totally uninterested in doing the same thing? (The answer, in case it needs to be spelled out, is that they shouldn’t, but for their insecurity in their own masculinity and heterosexuality).
There is no good reason you shouldn’t be able to approach another guy in the same way a respectful woman would. There is no good reason you should feel the need to hide who you are and conform to heterosexual and particularly homophobic standards that straight people aren’t held up to. It does NOT make your community look bad in the slightest, except to the kind of people who aren’t worth impressing upon in the first place and will NEVER look at your community in a positive light regardless of what you guys do. The only people who have a problem here are the ones who can’t decline your expression of interest – gay or straight – respectfully.
Masc Pride
@yajme: Whatever, dude. You’re just another unhinged Queerty queen that wasn’t getting your point across on your real ID, so you created an imaginary straight guy that was outraged enough to start an account on Queerty just for this. First paragraph is a total giveaway.
Masc Pride
I’d bet a whole paycheck that “yajme” is either DarkZephyr, youarekiddingme or Atticus Bennett. You guys take this stuff SO seriously. It’s hilarious! lol
yajme
First paragraph is a giveaway, huh? Stupid. If you didn’t seem like such a hateful little person I’d just give you my real identity – and collect what I’m sure is a very meager paycheck, considering your obvious intellect. I was directed to a different article on this site by a commenter on a goddamn Canadian hockey blog. That is my only connection to queerty.
As much as I can sympathize with (only “most”, apparently) the gay community, I really have no interest in frequenting this site anyways, so I don’t really care about your posturing and definitely had no intention of speaking to you specifically. I’m sure anybody that actually matters anyways will see what I wrote was sincere, because it was. It’s pretty sad you can only even contemplate me being a sockpuppet account, but you really seem like a miserable person.
youarekiddingme
@yajme: Very good statements all. Masc prude is an insecure little man who sits at home trying to judge others. He goes to websites like Craigslist and Grindr to pickup men for unprotected sex and then has the nerve to talk. Disregard what he says!
Masc Pride
@yajme: You have quite a lot to say for someone who doesn’t care. And how interesting, youarekiddingme is following right behind to high five you. Coincidence, I’m sure. đ
youarekiddingme
@Masc Pride: You are still hiding behind your weak responses huh Emasculated Pride?
You still don’t address the fact that you are a loser troll who can’t get a date face-to-face so you have to resort to online trashy hookup sites like Grindr!
If you weren’t so insecure in the first place you wouldn’t have any problem approaching a person in a public venue to see if they may have an interest in you. Unfortunately you are such a pathetic, self-loathing, moron you can do nothing more than make your mindless, insecure remarks about others. Other people have the self-esteem to make those approaches that you are too much of a coward to make yourself.
“High Five.” You are truly intelluctually broke.
Go to that mental health facility and get the drugs for your self esteem issues, social anxiety issues and addiction to internet porn/hookup sites. Oh, while you’re at it…might as well hit a good plastic surgeon while you’re at it you pathetic troll.
onaquest
@ Mac Pride: In the immortal words of a famous drag queen character… That guy is “more of a man than you’ll ever be, and more of a woman than you’ll ever get.”
(Angel from Rent)
Masc Pride
@youarekiddingme: Whatever you say, tough lady!
@onaquest: The loser that still quotes Rent is judging manhood? The irony! Stick to your show tunes, Mary.
youarekiddingme
@Masc Pride: Give it up insecure little man…NO ONE here appreciates your comments (as noted and continued to be noted) above. “Mary”…another twisted quote from an Emasculated little man.
Masc Pride
@youarekiddingme: You do. How are you telling other users to disregard me when you clearly can’t even do it? More irony. đ
DarkZephyr
@Masc Pride: While its quaint that I am apparently on your mind, I find it ironic that you ridicule how serious we take this “stuff” when you seem to be taking it so seriously that you had to make two posts in a row about it. But that being said, you’re absolutely correct.
I do take my life as a gay man quite seriously. Perhaps you can’t understand that, because you are not a gay man, although you seem to enjoy appropriating the word “gay” for yourself when its convenient, like the time you called yourself a “gay dad” when you wanted to belittle the actions and concerns of an actual, real, authentic gay father who was actually raising his children that he had full custody of in an actual, real, authentic two parent same sex household. Something that you are *not* doing or at least weren’t doing at the time (and I truly doubt that this has changed since then).
You aren’t a gay man, so your constant ridicule of gay men who take their lives seriously is simply the buzzing of a homophobe who doesn’t understand us and doesn’t care to, and nothing more. You may occasionally take some gay men to bed when the mood takes you, but you aren’t actually one of us, you are an interloper (not because you are bi, but because you are a douchey jerk) who has contempt for the gay men that he uses for sex every so often, when he isn’t bragging about the heterosexual three ways he has with women and making sure everyone knows how proud he is of his self-perceived “masculinity”.
But there is nothing masculine about a man who has such extreme contempt for the group of people he selects some of his sexual partners from. There is nothing noble about you, nothing kind, nothing respectful and certainly nothing masculine. *Maybe* you act butch, but that simply isn’t the same thing at all.
Masc Pride
@DarkZephyr: Looks like I hit a nerve. lol
DarkZephyr
@Masc Pride: Finally? Well, good for you! That must be cause for both you and the female you were with to celebrate!
Masc Pride
@DarkZephyr: Super! I love a celebration. You and your imaginary boyfriend are more than welcome to join. đ
DarkZephyr
@Masc Pride: that’s very kind of you, but my very real *fiance* and I have made the decision to be monogamous, but you go ahead without us!
youarekiddingme
@DarkZephyr: That Emasculated little man can’t get anyone to even begin to date/hookup with him without the blind lies of a perverted website like Grindr (that he admits to using). He uses photos that he posts of other men and made up stories to try to get these men “lured” into his clutches for a “fuck night” when the mood strikes. He then calls himself this “masculine” person, because he’s not a “full-time” gay man.
This so-called little “masculine” man has done nothing masculine his entire life. He has lived a lie. Being gay or straight does not define you as masculine. He has never participated in a single event in life that pushed him physically or mentally to his limits. Has no idea what it is to be truly stressed. What a pathetic human being.
Masc Pride
@DarkZephyr: My mistake, your imaginary “fiance”.
youarekiddingme
@Masc Pride: You’ll never have a fiance, lover, boyfriend, girlfiend, significant other or anyone who considers themselves a friend to a self-centered, mean-spirited, bigoted, disgusting troll like yourself. Piss off why don’t you…