STUDY: Why Do Bi College Kids Drink More Than Hetero And Homo Students?

A study from the University of Missouri suggests that young adults who experiment with their sexuality or identify as bi are more likely to abuse alcohol than people with a firmly defined orientation.

The study, published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, followed more than 2,000 college students over the course of four years. The undergrads were surveyed twice a year about their sexual self-identification and behavior, attraction and drinking habits.

The findings aren’t that shocking, but the researchers’ theory as to why bisexual students are hitting the sauce harder made us think:

“Bisexuals and students whose sexual orientation was in flux reported the heaviest drinking and most negative consequences from alcohol use, such as uncontrolled drinking and withdrawal symptoms,” said U of M professor Amelia Talley. “Those groups reported drinking to relieve anxiety and depression at higher rates than strictly heterosexual or homosexual individuals. One possible explanation is that people who aren’t either completely heterosexual or homosexual may feel stigmatized by both groups.”

That’s certainly a possibility, but we can think of several others:

* There’s still a strong cultural bias against homosexuality in America. A young man or woman realizing they’re queer may develop deep anxiety, leading them to drink heavily. They may, as is often the case, also find some solace in temporarily adopting a bisexual orientation before fully coming out.

* College kids are an insecure lot. Young women, especially, are often pressured to engage in same-sex acts or identify as bi to titillate their male partners. For these people, drinking and claiming a bi identity are both just cases of giving in to peer pressure.

* Students invested in claiming a fixed orientation—be it gay or straight—may want to downplay factors that make them look less “in control” of their lives. The bisexual students are being honest about their fluid sexuality, so maybe they’re more inclined to be honest about other things, like drinking.

And of course sexual orientation isn’t always a box you can just check off like race or gender. (We’re being sarcastic, people.) In addition to those who identified as heterosexual and homosexual, some respondents in Talley’s study claimed to be “mostly homosexual,” bisexual, and “mostly heterosexual.”

That’s some pretty gray language right there.

What do you think? Are the bi kids getting tanked because of the grief they get from their peers or for some other reason? Take a swig and sound off in the comments section.



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  • Lefty

    Maybe bisexuals just want more of EVERYTHING.

  • QJ201

    Bi’s get drunk to have gay sex

  • hamoboy

    Because your hetero partners think you’re just “straight (but really slutty)”, and your homo partners think you’re “bi now, gay later”. Apparently, because either narratives are such well worn grooves in stereotype street, if you don’t fit either profile, your word is suspect, never to be trusted.

  • jason

    I don’t think these findings are significant. However, I will subscribe to the point about women being encouraged to drink by sleazy straight guys. I pity any woman who allows herself to be manipulated thus. It points to how easily manipulated women are despite their claims to being “empowered” and “independent”. Yeah, right.

  • Timmeeeyyy!!!

    Jason, you have an amazing mind. You can turn any article into a diatribe about the inferiority of women.

  • The Real Mike in Asheville

    @Timmeeeyyy!!!: Well done!

  • Some Random Guy

    @QJ201: “Bi’s get drunk to have gay sex.”

    Well, we can take some responsibility here. Gays get bi’s drunk to have gay sex! It’s wrong, but sometimes it’s hard to resist. All that hesitation and obfuscation gets really freakin’ annoying.

  • Dre

    QJ201-What’s your point? It’s not true and gay men and women get drunk to have sex with opposite gender partners.

  • Maria

    Typical biphobia and bisexual erasure from queerty. People who are bisexual have an actual sexual orientation and are bisexual and they’re not “experimenting” or “Oh they’re really gay/lesbian, not bisexual at all and will just come out as gay/lesbian later!”.

  • Drew

    Which college student doesn’t drink?

  • jason

    Bisexuality is an orientation but female bisexuality is completely different from men’s. In line with the fake nature of females in general, female bisexuality tends to be a fake paradigm that women use to titillate third party men who are usually straight. In line with the genuine nature of males in general, male bisexuality is far more genuine than a woman’s.

  • O'Shaughnessy

    @jason: I’m with you . . . and while we’re at it, is bisexuality really a lifestyle? Isn’t it just a form of recreation? Every bisexual man I know lives a striaght lifestyle, with some extracurricular activity on the side, whereas in my whole life I’ve only known of one gay man who would occasionally dip his toes into hetero waters now and then.

  • Steve

    The wording of your article indicates a bias toward the opinion that bisexuality is just a stop on the way to Gaytown. In my case, at least, it is not. I love my wife and I love making love with her, but I also enjoy sex with guys. Yes, I live a straight lifestyle, but that’s what I chose.

  • Bisexual

    The bi hate and biphobia from the posters is sickening.

    Bi’s get no love from either side of the equation. I will never have sex with a straight or a homo again. If you are not bisexual, you are damaged goods. There is something wrong with you. If you can not be equaly intimate with men and women there is something in your psyche that is damaged. Only bisexuals are natural. Of course you have sex studies to point to to discount what I am saying, but it is true. Those stdies are done by straight or gay researchers with an axe to grind.
    Get to the work on healing your straight and homosexual selves, repair the damage to your psyche’s and join the healthy humans who call themselves bisexual.

    How do you like it?
    Hurts when you are discounted and dismissed as mental doesn’t it?
    Stop doing it to bisexuals and we won’t start spouting off about how we secretly think you gays and straights are mentaly cripled.

  • W

    @Drew: Many, actually. For religious, health, or even financial reasons

  • streetsmart

    Simply, they have access to twice as much sex so they need twice as much booze.

  • Clockwork

    Troubled young people escape with alcohol and experimental promiscuity.

    Drinking is not related to sexual orientation, it is related to psychological health.

  • Tommy

    That may be true of older people, but not college kids. A lot of kids in college drink a lot and have a good time but it doesn’t mean they have deep psychological issues. I drank and partied in college, but after I graduated and got a job I grew out of all that. A lot of college kids drink and sexually experiment, but it doesn’t mean they are all deeply troubled or damaged for the rest of their lives. It’s just a part of being young for a lot of people.

  • Clockwork

    Good point.

    However, the study states “”Those groups reported drinking to relieve anxiety and depression at higher rates than strictly heterosexual or homosexual individuals.”

    Drinking to relieve anxiety and depression is not psychological healthy. Drinking for recreation or social reasons is likely what you were doing in college.

  • Drew

    W-If you think that college students don’t drink because of financial reasons you’re wrong. College students are known to drink cheap alcohol and sometimes people will pool together money and get a bottle or two of cheap liquor or a case of cheap beer to drink. Many bars that are around universities, colleges, or that have lots of college students go to them have very cheap beer and mixed drink specials.


    I agree w this article, I have noticed whenever I have the inclination that a “straight” guy might be bi or gay and not out yet, he always tens to be a heavy drinker, uses drugs, or even goes to music festivals and does crazy drugs as an out. Have come across this many times, totally agree.

  • Charlie

    Maybe they get invited to more parties.

  • Charlie

    @Bisexual: Yeah it’s so odd that we are so antagonistic to members of our own tribe.

  • Jay

    Honestly, I don’t see how someone being Bi could affect how much they drink. As for Bi people not getting love on either side, I don’t see how. Every Bisexual person I know has had both a boyfriend and a girlfriend at one time, and I still like them. So with me, they are getting support from the ‘homo side’. And while I’m replying, what college student doesn’t drink. I haven’t been to college yet, but from what I’ve seen they all drink. I haven’t met one college student who hasn’t drank yet. Anyways, those are just my thoughts.

  • Nat

    “I haven’t been to college yet, but from what I’ve seen they all drink.”

    No, they don’t all drink. I didn’t drink until my fourth year. I didn’t have a particular reason not to; I simply didn’t care enough to drink. Plenty of other people make conscious decisions not to drink for personal, medical, or religious reasons.

    Respectfully, if you haven’t been to college or university, you have no business making authoritative statements about what goes on there.

  • Jay

    @Nat: Your right, I haven’t gone to college. But almost everyone I work with has or is in college, and all of them drink. And my brother doesn’t drink either, and he went to college. I really didn’t mean to put it like that, I meant that most of them do.

  • streetsmart

    Anyone who thinks all college students drink has been relying too much of what they see on television or in movies. Sure, lots of students drink but lots of them don’t. I didn’t drink at all during college – no particular reason other than lack of time (I worked) and money (and paid for my own education). I barely had time to study so partying wasn’t a priority for me. I had many friends who were in similar situations and the rarely, if ever, drank. It’s a personal choice and inaccurate to assume that all students chose to drink.

  • R9ob Drake

    LORD; they drink because it’s easier to explain away sexual explorations deemed unseemly in sobriety as “Oh, was SO drunk; than to say, ‘I guess this makes me gay.”

  • Jay

    @streetsmart: No I’m not going based off of TV shows, I know hardly any of those are real. I’m going based off of what my friends told me. Besides, I could live in a different location then you. Some places have more people drinking then others.

  • James M. Martin

    It’s easy: bisexuals are by their very nature Dionysian. They have a Bacchus in them. Double-sexed Bacchus was the God of Wine.

  • Lucas

    GayWhisperer-Nobody cares what you think. Then again your blog claims that “Straight” men can somehow turn “gay” which doesn’t happen.

  • Darren

    Rob Drake-Just because these men or women have sex with someone of the same gender it doesn’t make them gay or lesbian.

  • Clay

    More options equals more problems.

    Being Bi is likened to being a child with a cochlear implant. Neither Deaf nor hearing but living in both worlds. There is pressure to

    Biphobia comes from straight peers and even within LGBT groups (try the topic of bisexuality turning into a 35+ minute convo of why all the gay guys and lesbians of my college’s GSA “don’t like to date bi people”). Not to mention the claims that “you’re just going through a phase. I can tell you’re straight.” or “Being Bi is just a stepping stone to being Gay. It’s alright,I came out as Bi first.”

    Ever had multiple people interested in you and likewise, then having to choose who to persue? In my personal experience it’s harder to compare and realize who you like more when one is a girl and the other a guy.

    All things considered, I think most people (regardless of their sexual orientation, gender, identity) have a somewhat confusing and rough time in college. Drinking is not a good solution but it is what alot of people do to try and cope.

  • Clay


    What’s this “We” stuff?

    Just because biphobia happens doesn’t give any bi person the right to return that kind of closemindedness. It’s as counter productive as saying “that’s so STRAIGHT” in response to casual use of the word gay as a synonym for lame.

    I don’t expect homos to understand what it means to be bi. No more than I could understand what it means to be trans. All anyone can do is be a good person and try to be a good ambassdor, kindly correcting misconceptions and not internalizing anything too much.

  • Rob

    I’m bisexual and I agree with Clay’s post #33. Not long ago I was a college student. I did drink a lot but I didn’t really start until my 3rd year. I was depressed at the time but I had a lot of close friends and family die suddenly, and as others wrote alcohol was around, cheap, and easily available. The fact that there were times when I felt alone and as though nobody understood me didn’t help. I did meet other bisexuals, gay men and straight people who aren’t biphobic, and some of my best friends also came out as bisexual but it took some time. The funny part is I met a lot of these people in a local LGBT bar when I was drinking and I’m still very close with a lot of them.

    I did experience biphobia within the LGBT community a bisexual female friend and I went to our university’s LGBT center and we were basically told, “Come back when you’ve finally came out as gay, or in her case lesbian”. The funny thing is that as a teenager I came out as gay first before I discovered that I’m bisexual.

    Then in 2005 that biphobic study by Dr. J. Michael Bailey came out that said that bisexual men don’t exist, and I heard non-stop people within the LGBT community about how it was true, and even straight people were believing it. Yes there were LGBT people and even straight people who didn’t believe in it but if I had $1 for every time I heard a gay man say, “Men are either gay or straight, if a guy is bisexual he’s just gay but afraid to come out!” I’d be very rich by now.

    No I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to. I didn’t have to go to AA/treatment which is a very good thing, and I never had to go to the hospital because I drank too much like friends and peers did.

  • Scott

    Another form of biphobia, and pozphobia (while I’m not HIV+ I have experienced some pozphobia) that I as a bisexual have experienced by people who should know better, is that I’d hear gay men, lesbians, and at least one bisexual woman (yes some ignorant bisexuals can be very biphobic as this woman is) say how they’d Never have sex with, date, or have a relationship with a a bisexual man because “Bisexuals are more likely to be HIV+ and have an STD; but gay men, lesbians, and straight men are not!”

    It’s called using condoms and having safer sex correctly, and if you’re sexually active no matter what your orientation is you probably have had sex with someone who is HIV+ or you know someone who is HIV+ but they might not be out about it or know it if they don’t get tested.

    Then there was the BS that gay men and lesbians would say about us bisexuals with the “OMG I had a bisexual ex and he/she when they broke up with me went with someone of the opposite gender! You can’t trust bisexuals at all!” BS.

  • Carlos

    O’Shaughnessy and Jason stop being so biphobic.

  • Tom

    By far the worst biphobia that I’ve heard that came from gay men and lesbians and within the LGBT community was from highly biphobic gays and lesbians who wanted to revise history and claim that bisexuals were never and have never been fighting for LGBT rights or gay and lesbian rights, and they were completely revising us bisexuals out of LGBT history.

    Many of these biphobes also claimed how if you are bisexual you’re just going to settle down into a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, disappear into the hetero world, stop caring about LGBT rights, and that you’re somehow a traitor if you wind up marrying or partnering with someone of the opposite gender and not the same gender.

    I wonder when the homosexist members of the LGBT movement will finally acknowledge that bisexuals and bisexuality exist, that our sexuality is as legitimate as theirs, and that the civil and human rights gains that have been made for LGBT people would not have been made without the involvement, commitment, hard work and sacrifice of bisexuals.

  • R.A.

    Bisexual orientation is not a license for cheating on your wife.

    There is absolutely no reason why a bisexual should not be as honest and faithful in a relationship as a hetero or homo.

    You are not some kind of hyper-sexed stud without self-control because your bi.

  • Chad

    R.A.-Why are you assuming that Steve as a bisexual man is cheating on his wife? He could be in an open relationship. A lot of bisexuals as well as gay men and lesbians, and straight people too have open relationships.

  • Geri

    @Queerty Queer doesn’t just mean gay/lesbian/homosexual. Queer actually means “not straight.” Bisexual People are Queer People.

  • jason

    I don’t believe in the word “queer” It’s a horrible word that doesn’t mean anything. Please don’t refer to me as queer.

    The pressure on men to advertise themselves as straight is huge in the mainstream. The pressure on men to advertise as gay is huge in the gay scene. Bisexual men are sort of caught in a neverland between these advertising imperatives.

    Bisexual women – fake or otherwise – get a pass from the mainstream but perhaps not as much of a pass from the gay scene. That’s because bisexual women are known to use their sexuality as a ploy to appeal to sleazy straight guys who don’t like gays and will never in a million years vote for gay rights. There is justifiably a lot of resentment towards bisexual women in the gay scene, especially from men.

  • Geri

    @jason: OK Jason, you’re obviously not queer. You’re just gay. :)

  • queer

    Sorry Jason but you do not get to control the language. It is beyond your power.
    I am queer, my friends are queer and we are queering the movement.

  • Anna

    This article and most of these comments are the most biphobic bullshit I have ever read. I’m honestly too pissed off right now to really say anything else.

  • OtherGonzo

    You do realize that a decade ago it was gays and lesbians who drank more than straight people. Bullshit studies then, bullshit studies now.

  • R.A.

    If he was in an open marriage with a bisexual woman, I think he would’ve mentioned it as that’s a wonderfully rare solution to a challenging problem.

    Of the dozens of married bisexual men I met when I was younger, only one was out to his wife. I expect that this is the experience of most gay men. That combined with the miles of classified ads of married bi-men advertising for “discreet” partners are probably the main reasons behind gay males’ distrust of bisexuals.

    If you have actual statistics to the contrary, please let me know.

  • Carl 1

    More biphobic bullshit from Queerty? Raise your hand if you’re surprised…

    I can kind of see Queerty’s third wild guess (that gay students mask their drinking habits) as a possibility, but the first two are just highly offensive biphobic comments. But usually the simplest explanation is the most likely one – and we know that bisexuals face discrimination from both monosexual groups. Given they’re facing twice the abuse, it stands to reason that they’d turn to other methods to escape, including the bottle, sadly.

    I’m still waiting for a show of hands, btw…

  • R.A.

    If we get Jason, you get Larry Craig.

  • Carl 1

    @jason: Jason, just bugger off with your sexism. This is a conversation about bisexuality, not another chance for you to deliver you misogynistic, sexist rants.

  • Carl 1

    @Bisexual: Very true, I’ve all but given up on relationships with monosexuals, they’re too distrusting. Far too often I’ve been burnt by being accused of cheating cos I’m bi, then the straight/gay partner ends up cheating! Simple truth is that I, like many others, am monogamous when dating.

  • shannon


  • Carl

    @shannon: Yeah, being discriminated against by members of ones own community can be pretty damn confusing.

  • R.A.

    So, Nelson, every one of us is a “hypocritical gay man which isn’t that surprising” because we tend to believe scientific research when it lines up with our life experiences?

    Would that be more hypocritical than going on about your love for wife and family while betraying them on the way home from work everyday at a rest stop?

    Your accusation is nothing but raw homophobia.

  • Carl

    @Nelson: I hadn’t read much of Dan Savages comments, so did some reading. He reminds me of those conservatives who hate the LGBT community whilst saying the famous “I have gay friends” line of nonsense. I just posted the following on an article of his:

    “Dan, attitudes like yours wherein you automatically doubt a teenager who says they they are bisexual caused me to live a closeted life as a gay man for almost a decade. I struggled with bullying at school and there was no way I would make myself a greater target by coming out. Then I finally got to spread my wings and go to college. At the tender age of 18 I started to come out as bisexual. Everywhere I turned I met the same response: “Ugh, that’s gross”, “you can’t like both, you have to pick one or the other”, “You’ll come out as gay eventually” and so on.

    Since the news spread like wildfire that I liked guys, I embraced it. I identified as gay, for almost a decade. I exchanged one closet for another, all because of attitudes like yours. Externally I was a happy, gay college kid. Inside I was in turmoil. I was living a lie for the benefit of others, wasn’t that what coming out was supposed to stop? It took almost a decade and a personal epiphany for me to throw that aside, to ignore the expectations of others and to come out again. To this day, I still face discrimination. “You sleep with guys, then you’re gay”, “You’ll come out properly one day”, “You’re just in denial” and so on.

    Today I’m an openly bisexual man and I am honest before I begin any relationship and I can tell you, it has closed a great many doors (and beds). I can understand why some keep it a secret – being honest has lost me many potential relationships, because many still harbour attitudes related to yours: that one day, I’ll decide I’m gay (or straight) and leave them. Or that I’ll cheat on them. Or that I want a open relationship…

    So yes, you’re welcome to your opinions, you even have the right to air them. But have you considered it may not be the right thing to exercise that right? All words like yours do is make vulnerable and impressionable young bisexual men and women feel pressured upon to act in a certain way, to be something they’re not. Is harming potentially young people really worth you saying what’s on your mind?”

    Somehow I doubt he will even pay attention to it, but I had to say something.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: What research, R.A? There are a handful of debunked, junk studies that claim bisexuality doesn’t exist, but nothing solid. And your life experiences with bisexuals are your own doing. Have you ever considered why many bisexuals behave as they do? Because it’s easier. No one accepts us who are openly bisexual, many even refuse to date us! Those that do are distrustful, doubtful, suspicious of our every move and action with ANY other person. Where is the incentive to be honest? It hasn’t done *me* much good, nor anyone else I know.

    With all of that, is it really surprising that many will adopt one ‘side’ of their sexuality and live as that? I don’t condone those who engage in extra-relationship affairs, but I can see how the pressure to hide a part of themselves can build up and be expressed in negative ways. And it’s all because of the attitude of others – of people like you – that they feel like that. If you were a little more understanding and tolerant, you might see very different bisexual people.

    (oh and the last two comments from Carl were also me, my iPad had logged out for some reason)

  • Nelson

    R.A. Male bisexuality exists and always has. To claim otherwise just shows how you’re ignorant about human sexuality. There have even been studies that have shown how men can be bisexual.

    Quit being such a professional victim. I am not being homophobic at all. There are a lot of gay men including yourself and the owner of the site who I posted who are biphobic hypocrites. If you want to be a hypocritical bigot towards bisexual men just like Dan Savage be my guest but it puts you on the same level as the Bachmanns, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain, and Rev. Fred Phelps.

    BTW, gay men who are closeted, married or on the DL (down low) are more likely to go on and on about their marriage of convenience and visit highway rest stops daily. It’s not as though as gay men they’re actually sexually attracted to the woman who they’re married to.

  • Carlos

    R.A. it’s not homophobia to call a gay person a total bigot and show how they and you are being biphobic and a hypocrite.

    IME a lot of gay men are totally bigoted biphobes and don’t even try to understand bisexuality and run their mouths with BS like “Bisexual men are mainly all partnered to women, are really gay men, and will cheat on their wives or male partners!”

    Then again some lesbians like Shannon are the same way by claiming that bisexuals are “confused” when bisexuality is just as true and valid of a sexuality as being gay or hetero is.

  • Mark In Colorado

    There are a whole shit load of latent bisexuals masquerading around as gay men and lesbians because they are ignorant of the fact that bisexual doesn’t only mean an equal attraction to both genders, that you don’t have to fall in love or want relationships with both genders, or they’re too scared to admit it because they’ve invested so much of their time and energy cultivating a gay or lesbian identity.

    There are some gay men like RA and others here who are highly bigoted towards bisexual men. Just like there are some lesbians who dislike bisexual women and trans women. These factors are also reasons why men and women who are bisexual yet call themselves gay or lesbian do not want to come out.

    The dirty little secret that never gets addressed in the so called “gay” world is the fact that many gay men do go through a second coming out and re-identify as bisexual. These men may still overwhelmingly prefer men, but their orientation and identity are not exclusively towards men. And how their attraction to both sexes manifests differently as well.

    It’s always weird to be corrected by someone (e.g., RA) who is wrong in their knowledge of a subject. I’ve found that if you dare to even allude to someone not being not quite “gay” (in other words bisexual) then you get the typical apoplectic reaction–oh no, no, no, he’s gay, he’s definitely gay, absolutely, no question about it, and on and on and on. So many gay men are so fucking bi-phobic it’s unreal–and it’s usually because they don’t understand the concept in the first place and they’ve made no attempt to do so.

    I do have to say this though. A good number of men who say they are gay aren’t fully gay. They only say they are gay because they want a relationship with a guy. But a good number of them if they can’t find a guy when they are horny will just have sex with a woman and are actually sexually attracted to women so they’re bisexual.

  • R.A.

    As usual, all the same bisexual crybabies appear and make up accusations.

    I have never said bisexuals don’t exist – and actually, the Bailey studies never claimed that either. Sexual orientation is not just what causes arousal.

    Further, the Bailey study’s suppositions have since been disputed by a Kinsey study.

    Instead of going from blog to blog, whining like a bunch of professional victims and calling gay men “biphobic” because they’re sick of your narcissistic bullshit, try reading the literature and discussing it intelligently.

    BTW, whether you are gay, straight or bi, NO ONE appreciates hearing how their partner is attracted to other people. I know second wives who made their husbands toss out every photo of the first. This is why bisexual Cynthia Nixon declared herself a lesbian before marrying her girlfriend. She was making a commitment and putting the woman she loved at ease. It sounds to me like you losers are lonely because you’re clueless as to how to have a respectful and loving relationship. All you think about are your own needs.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: Ah, I see it all now, R.A is right – honesty before starting a relationship ISN’T the best policy, I should lie to them! What a great start to any potential relationship. Look, there’s a world of difference between saying “before we start, there’s something you need to know” and every five minutes saying “ooh, they’re fit” (which no one here has advocated). It’s about honesty and respect, two attributes you don’t seem to think matter. And maybe they don’t, to you, but to many they do matter a great deal. I pity you – and anyone who has a relationship with you – if you think honesty and respect aren’t important to a relationship. The best relationships that I have had have all been built on honesty, not hiding the truth.

    How can there be any respect between partners if one is hiding a huge part of themselves from the other? There can’t, is the simple answer. Again I find myself thinking, with all your vitriol and hate, maybe you’re projecting something onto others. Are you being dishonest about something?

  • Brandon

    R.A. the how do you explain how most gay men are in open relationships, or they will cheat on their partner or be tempted to with another man?

    Straight people also cheat a lot as well. Actually yes Bailey’s study in 2005 did claim that bisexual men don’t exist.

    I’m not bisexual but the way a lot of gay men are biphobic is completely hypocritical and these people are not for LGBT rights or equality at all.

  • Jack

    I’m a gay man and I’ve been out for decades and I’m ashamed and embarrassed at how bigoted some of my fellow gay men are when it comes to bisexuals and bisexuality. Who are you to tell someone that they’re not bisexual or that an entire sexuality and community of people does not exist? How would you know since you’re homosexual and not bisexual?

    To all of the men here who claim that there’s no such thing as bisexuality, that bisexual men are always really gay men, or that bisexual men should be avoided:

    You’re no better than Conservative Republicans, how some Christians (the born again type and Westboro Baptist church) are, and you’re bigoted just like these people are towards us gay/bisexual/queer men.

    It’s 2012 and you’re fellow queer men. One would hope that you’re not a tiresome old queen who talks out of his ass about something she knows nothing about when it comes to bisexuality.

    Try studying human sexuality sometime guys instead of just cruising for d!ck online. Study some Kinsey-Anything between (zero-straight) and 6-gay is bisexual. Or look at the Klein Grid of human sexuality. Or look at the book “Dual Attraction” by Martin S. Weinberg, Colin J. Williams, and Douglas W. Pryor.

    There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. To the bisexual men reading this ignore the haters replying to this blog. Not all gay men are bigoted like a few of them are here. Many of us gay men love bisexual men and I’ve met many gay men who are more into bisexual men and only have lasting long term relationships and date them.

    There are some guys here who think that they’ve had sex with actual “straight” guys. Dream on, it’s just a fantasy and if a guy is really hetero or straight and you’re not in prison with him for the rest of your lives as his prison b!tch or doing something forced or non-consensual with him for sex you’re never going to have sex with a real straight guy.

    I’ve had relationships with lots of bisexual men and they were just fine. I have had lots of gay men flat out cheat on me and lie to me which is something bisexual men have never done but I’d never tell a bisexual or gay man “Oh don’t date gay men! They will probably lie to you and just cheat on you!”

    For the guys who claim that bisexual married men cheat that’s pure BS. I know tons of GAY men who constantly have affairs on their husbands and partners, and their partner does not know about it. Sometimes these men even have an open relationship where they claim that they only “play together” and of course one of them goes off and cheats since having sex with others while only with his partner is not enough for him. Other times the partner assumes that they’re both monogamous and the cheating by his gay male partner goes on right under his nose and has been going on for years or even decades.

    The way the bigot R.A. says that someone who is bisexual should lie to their partner and claim to be gay, hetero, or lesbian is laughable. I feel bad for anyone who attempts a relationship with this fool.

  • Carl 1

    @Jack: Great post Jack. If I met more people like you (and less like a certain other poster who shall remain unnamed), maybe I wouldn’t be so jaded about gay men in general. Some people don’t seem to realise the effect bigotry can have, how it can lead to isolation in more than one way. I’ve said before that I tend to avoid relationships (however, I would not say never) with monosexuals, because f attitudes like those of certain individuals. You (and many posters on this thread) are a refreshing change indeed.

  • R.A.


    ‘The way the bigot R.A. says that someone who is bisexual should lie to their partner and claim to be gay, hetero, or lesbian is laughable..”

    Because I never said it.

    That was a lie from that homophobic Limey, Carl 1.

    I cited Cynthia Nixon who got herself into hot water with the gay community in New York by declaring she now identified herself as a lesbian.

    She did NOT mean that her bisexual orientation had changed.

    She did NOT represent misrepresent herself.

    She meant she was committing herself to her future wife. That they would have an exclusive and lesbian relationship.

    If that’s “lying” in your book, Jack, you will end up as twisted and lonely as Carl.

    Nixon is an example of a bisexual with brains, talent, courage. intelligence, integrity and is obviously in love with her partner.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: Wow, you lie like you breath, don’t you? I quote:

    “BTW, whether you are gay, straight or bi, NO ONE appreciates hearing how their partner is attracted to other people. I know second wives who made their husbands toss out every photo of the first.”

    If that isn’t saying bisexuals should not hide (ie: lie) their sexuality, you must be using a version of the English language the rest of the world is unfamiliar with. Have you got a decoder ring so the rest of us can translate your gibberish?

    Also, xenophobia on top of biphobia? Care to throw in a little sexism or racism and make it a hat trick? And since I have said not one thing disparaging about monosexuals (gay or straight), your “homophobia” claims about me (and I know a lot of people who would laugh in your face for that statement) are as laughable as your biphobia – which you have exhibited, time and again. Heck, even other gay men and women are pointing out your biphobic attitude. Surely that tells you something. It’s not a few drama queens, it’s many people.

    Odd, no one has mentioned Nixon except you. It would seem you have issues with her being bisexual, why I don’t know. Also, you seem to be projecting your own loneliness upon others. You also seem very, very bitter about something. I am neither lonely (friends help that, you might try being less obnoxious then you might have some) nor bitter, don’t make the assumption that because someone is currently single that they are lonely and bitter. What I am is proactive in speaking out for bisexuals, pardon me for speaking out against your hatred.

  • Geri

    @R.A.: You said: “BTW, whether you are gay, straight or bi, NO ONE appreciates hearing how their partner is attracted to other people.”

    That’s not true. I wouldn’t trust anyone who claimed to be only attracted to me, and I’d never tell anyone rubbish like that myself. Get real. You can’t build real trust on obvious lies. However your theory about what EVERY ONE does and doesn’t want is, I think, very revealing vis-à-vis your underlying attitude to bisexuality.

    What you’re saying about Cynthia Nixon is not true either. Show us where she used the word lesbian to identify herself – she used “gay” and then “bisexual”. First she said that for her being gay was a choice. That upset an awful lot of people so then she said: “While I don’t often use the word, the technically precise term for my orientation is bisexual. I believe bisexuality is not a choice, it is a fact. What I have ‘chosen’ is to be in a gay relationship.”

    Then here:
    we get to the sad truth:

    CN: It’s so not fudging. It’s so not. I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who feel 100 percent straight, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals.

    But it is the “B” in LGBT.

    CN: I know. But we get no respect.

    You say: “Nixon is an example of a bisexual with brains, talent, courage. intelligence, integrity and is obviously in love with her partner.”

    Yes she is, I agree. But she has also clearly become a victim of biphobia.

  • R.A.

    @Carl 1:
    I stand by my statement:

    ““BTW, whether you are gay, straight or bi, NO ONE appreciates hearing how their partner is attracted to other people. I know second wives who made their husbands toss out every photo of the first.”

    That you take that to be an endorsement of lying is your own dementia.

    In my post above, I fully explained the statement in regard to Cynthia Nixon, who, in your total lack of honesty, now claim I am insulting when, IN FACT, I actually just praised her, saying:

    “Nixon is an example of a bisexual with brains, talent, courage. intelligence, integrity and is obviously in love with her partner.”

    She is everything you are NOT.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: R.A, go troll somewhere else. Your hatred and bigotry is not needed here. I pointed out that you brought her up, using her to disparage others. It’s clear that you do not respect bisexuals, thus you cannot respect her or her being bisexual, it’s like saying “I don’t respect any Christians, but I do respect Fred Phlps for being a Christian”. What you said you respected is that she said she was lesbian and denounced her bisexuality (albeit in more flowery terms) which as others have pointed out is a lie, she never said that. She said she chose to be gay, which rightly caused an outcry (mostly from monosexuals, not bisexuals, incidentally). She later expanded her statement to the one quoted above.

    Your statement I quoted is a clear statement that bisexuals should not tell their partner that they are bisexual. That is dishonesty and, if passing off as a monosexual, a lie. Twist, turn and spin all you want, that is the truth of your words and cannot be avoided. You are saying bisexuals should not be honest about our sexuality. Why shouldn’t we? Because *you* have issues with us? Not enough, kiddo. Not nearly enough.

  • Bee

    Just like the two bisexuals who claim never to date exclusively straight or gay people. I hope straight or gay people also stay away from hedonistic bisexuals who have no idea what they really want and are out to screw as many people on both sides as they can.

  • Carl 1

    @Geri: Geri, trying to get R.A to question – heck, even acknowledge – his biphobia is largely pointless, I think. I am rapidly reaching the conclusion that he is happy in his ignorance and intolerance, so much so that he can’t even see it. He reminds me of those Christian extremists who genuinely believe that they can hate the sin, not the sinner without ever realising that by hating homosexuality they automatically hate homosexuals. He’s the same way but with bisexuals, it’s really tragic to behold. I mean, just look how he spins in circles trying to justify the unjustifiable. I’m also strongly coming to suspect that he’s trolling any thread that features bisexuality (just as another individual trolls threads with their misogynistic, sexist nonsense).

  • Carl 1

    @Bee: Actually, I said I *tend* to avoid monosexuals – primarily because of vile attitudes like yours. And personally (don’t know about you, maybe you like casual sex with many partners. I don’t), I’m not interested in screwing as many people as possible – if I was I’d just use any number of websites where sexuality is irrelevant so long as you’re free in the next ten minutes to rut like a rabbit. No, I prefer relationships. And relationships have to be built on trust. How could there be any trust if one person kept a huge part of their life hidden from the other? As soon as it came to light (and it would, secrets always do) it would tear a relationship apart due to the lies, dishonesty and deception inherent in hiding such a thing as sexuality.

  • Lance

    Bee, let’s be honest there are TONS of gay men who are totally hedonistic and just want to have sex with as many male partners as they can and just want to use people for sex. I’m sure there are straight people who are like this as well.

  • Geri

    @Carl 1: Whatever. EVERY ONE with any sense who’s read what she’s said about her sexuality knows now that Cynthia Nixon is bisexual. Even R.A. knows ;)

  • Carl 1

    @Geri: Yeah, he just saw something else in the words than everyone else did. Also, what do you think the odds are that, if she had settled down with a guy and said something similar, he would be attacking her for “hiding in heterosexuality” or some similar Dan Savage style nonsense? Personally, I think it’s pretty damn high.

  • R.A.

    @Carl 1:
    I am really tired of being attacked for lame ideas that YOU invent.

    Please stop.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: All I did was speculate, based on your past comments and obvious hatred of bisexuals, how you would have reacted to a hypothetical situation. Have you consider seeking professional help, because such hatred as you exhibit is not healthy. Or maybe you’re just a really good troll, who knows.

  • R.A.

    I suppose I should be flattered you find me so fascinating you want to “speculate” about my reactions “to a hypothetical situation,” but that and your endless name-calling are really just irritating.

    Again, please stop.

  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: Except I haven’t called you names. All I have done is call out your hatred and bigotry (specifically your biphobia) and speculated that you may be deliberately trolling threads where bisexuality is a theme. If you dislike us so much, don’t read the threads! Simple.

    Now, please stop disrupting otherwise civil and intelligent conversations. Ta muchly.

  • R.A.

    Again, please stop.

  • Geri

    @Bee: A hedonist who has no idea what they (she/he) really wants is a contradiction in terms. Hedonism is the pursuit of pleasure.

  • Carl 1

    @Geri: It has been my experience that logic is rarely a trait found in bigots, Geri. They’ll happily embrace contradictory concepts if it forwards their position.

    R.A, you are free to leave this conversation and take your bigotry with you, I however will continue to post as long as I see fit. If you want the conversation involving you come to end, here’s an idea – stop posting. Buh bye kiddo.

    Moving on, given the examples of intolerance towards bisexuality that we have seen exhibited in this thread alone, do the results of this survey really seem surprising? I mean, we’re talking about a group of young people, still at a stage in life where others have a significant impact upon them,bwhere pressure to conform is still high. So, when faced with discrimination and ridicule for being honest, are we really to be shocked that a higher percentage than normal turn to vices like alcohol to help them deal with it? Studies like this really bring home the importance of bisexuals being open and honest about our sexuality upfront. Only through this will negative stereotypes be challenged.

  • R.A.

    I think Bee’s sentence makes perfect sense if you substitute “who” for “what” which I take for its meaning.

    That said, it has nothing to do with the two bisexuals I know best who have been friends of mine for over twenty years.

    One is a man married to his childhood sweetheart. I’ve seen him checking men out, I’ve seen some of his internet porn, and while I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with a man as a widower, I don’t believe he would ever cheat on his wife.

    The other is a near 80 year old woman. She was married to an abusive man for 15 years, had 2 kids and ended up divorcing him. When I met her, she was in a 20 year relationship with a lesbian – a failed actress who got into drugs and went off her own way. As a grandmother and in her 50s, she had two brief affairs – one man and one woman both of which ended when they each died. As I had only known her from her lesbian days, I asked her about the BF and her sexual orientation, to which she explained, “You know, I am always surprised, myself.”

    Very different lives, but both solidly committed in their various relationships. Both have been a great support for me through my own personal AIDS crisis when I lost one gay friend after another.

  • JamesSF

    What’s your point R.A.? Just because you have friends who are bisexual this doesn’t stop you from being biphobic and a bigot.

  • MikeUK

    Typical R.A. giving the calculated reply that ALL bigots give when people call them out as being a bigot, “Oh I’m not biphobic some of my best friends are bisexuals…”.

  • Carl 1

    @MikeUK: I noticed that but didn’t comment, I’d just be accused of name calling lol

  • R.A.


    Actually, I was explaining to Bee that the dishonesty, the lack of nuanced thinking, the immediate and moronic calling someone “phobic” to shut down conversation, the ignorance of history and literature, the utter disregard for anyone’s feelings – these are not qualities I associate with bisexuals I have known.

    So it is wrong for anyone to judge all bisexuals by reading posts from you, Carl and Mike.

    There really are lots of decent bisexuals out there.


  • Carl 1

    @R.A.: be irony is that, in describing your “friends” (if they are actually friends and not acquaintances) you have described myself and others. The only difference is that I won’t sit by whilst you talk hateful nonsense. If I do so, I become complicit in said bigotry, by virtue of inaction. So, as a moral person, I cannot stay quiet whilst you spread lies, half truths, disinformation and general bigotry.

    There are lots of decent monosexuals out there, it’s just a shame you are not one of them. I know many people (gay, bi, straight) who don’t judge a person on their sexuality but their behaviour, which is how it should be. You speak of ignorance, maybe you should challenge your own by educating yourself as I have done over the years. It’s amazing what you can learn, if you are only willing to open a closed mind (and a few books). Although I doubt that you will, you have embraced your hatred too much, just like a certain pastor.

    Tell me, is calling out a blatant sexist person an “attempt to shutdown a conversation” (an ironic statement coming from the person who tried directly commanding me to stop posting! Looked in a mirror recently?) or stating a fact? You have exhibited and supported biphobia, so of course others will challenge that. You can try and smear the individuals highlighting it, but others see the darkness in your posts. Your whole attitude and language is identical to those who oppose sexual minorities on religious bounds, they cry foul when others point out their bigotry too – and twist and turn, as well.

    And it was pride day on the second of June. And it will be pride day every single day that we stand up for ourselves and our rights.

  • Teddypig


    I could erase you from my life?

    Oh happy day!

    How Nelson, how can I erase your pathetic name calling useless hetro-privileged sexually confused lying ass from my life? Can I divorce you like your ex-wife did when she caught you sucking dick at the local park restroom?

  • Carl 1

    @Kate: I saw that on The Scum’s and Daily Fails websites, via a bisexual community email group I’m a part of. Missed the thread on here though.

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