rainbow, not painbows

The 10 Absolute DOs and DONTs of the 2010 Pride Season

Pride is [email protected]$**()!!!!!, bitches. And while everyone should enjoy celebrating queerness with our LGBT BFFs, some us inadvertently act like ain’t-got-no-sense bitches. Remember, a bunch of courageous transsexuals died for our right to dance drunkenly in angel wings and rainbow-colored Speedos. So by all means, rock out with your cock out (or jam out with your clam out), but while you’re at it here’s 10 helpful suggestions so you can take pride in your pride without pissing on someone else’s parade.

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41 Comments

  • Fitz

    The biggest Do is “DO SHOW UP”. I am ever amazed at how many gay men think that Pride doesn’t belong to them because they aren’t 25, hot, hung, and horny. It’s all of us. The 25 y/o HHH’s, and the 65 y/o gay golfers. It’s your day- take it. For you.

  • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

    I am so relieved I can continue my life now that the 10 Gay commandments have been delivered from Mt.Queerty…………

  • Aaron

    @Fitz: That’s because those are the “values” that are pushed on us, fitz : 25, hot hung, horny. Just look at the pic in this article. They look like they’re all under 25. Some of us are thankfully smart enough not to fall into that trap. Most of the kiddies aren ice but some of them do indeed look at you as if you’re from another planet just because you’re over 25.

    Another DO : Gay Pride should be abouy GAY PRIDE and GAY PRIDE only. You have some sort of political agenda/cause unrelated to Pride? Go demonstrate it elsewhere. Like I wrote elsewhere, the gay parade in Ottawa in 2003 was comprised largely of floats/displays totally unrelated to Pride. So much so that it hardly looked like a Pride parade!

  • Jason

    GayPride in Denver is not for me.

    I prefer to be either ascending or already atop one of Colorados’s 14,000 foot peaks, thanks.

    Have fun though.

  • joe

    Tho shall not hurl drinks or any items at your ex and his new bf. the gays cant aim and throw. ask the str8 couple standing next to me watching the parade last year. Priceless!

  • Qjersey

    DON’T bareback with some guy you just met.

    DON’T act like it’s new years eve or your 21st birthday and get shitfaced.

    DO smile at cute guys

    DO pay attention to the community groups as they go by in the parade. They are working for you even though you don’t give a shit about them the rest of the year.

  • SSCHIEFRSHA

    Gay pride is not for me just as Gay Clubs are not though I’m a 25 y/o. I cannot handle the body odor and the smell of beer. We’ll do the neighborhood lounge on pride night.

  • Dave

    DO: take Monday off of work.

  • DR (the real one, not the guy who made post #12)

    @Jason:

    I’m the same way with Gay Pride where I live. No parade, last year had maybe 10 booths/vendors, most of whom failed to follow up with willing volunteers once it ended, and then crowded bars. *yawn*

    There is a more important part of being proud of who you are than a parade. I can just as easily show my Pride by hanging out with my friends, gay, straight, or bi, and just being myself. I can be involved with local groups presenting topics on GLB rights.

    The fact of the matter is that we ought to be making EVERY day a day of Pride, and that’s how I prefer to live. I don’t need a parade or party, I just need to be myself every day of the year.

  • samthor

    Frankly, I’m a little embarrassed that we have to tell members of our community NOT to take a shit in public. Anyone who does such a thing will be transferred to the Mormons, cause apparently they need magic underwear.

    On the other hand I would agree with: DO show up. Volunteer even. Get involved.

  • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

    @DR (the real one, not the guy who made post #12): I can somewhat agree with you. In some locales you ain’t gonna get massive turnouts. Its still good to have the Gay presence notated. In a place like NYC or LA when you get a zillion Gays en masse in one place it makes a nice statement for strhaters to see that there actually are lotso of Gays around………..

  • TonyD

    Do let your freak flag fly! Don’t bareback- pride is once a year, HIV is FOREVER. Also, I tell non-Denver locals to check non-cover gay bars/events for Pride events because they will be packed, not charging insane cover, putting watered down booze in tiny cups, in bars filled with out of town people, shoulder-to-shoulder unable to move. Also, don’t be an asshole- have some manners.

  • Lostsleep

    I really liked the video about texting. I am always yelling at people about texting when we are out.

  • Mark Alexander

    Well that was ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

  • ThatBurningSensation

    Thanks so much for featuring our latest video on pg 8 of your Top 10 Gay Pride DOs & DONTs! And we agree, don’t go texting in bars if you’re trying to look cute. That phone light from below is a boner killer. We love u, Queerty! xoxo – The Boys from That Burning Sensation

  • James Davis

    Where was DO appreciate the people and the work they’ve done for us to get here. Pride certainly should be a party, but it should be an inclusive party where we celebrate and remember those who have come before to ensure we have the (few) rights we have today. I think that is often times lost on the younger set who just want to parade around in their underwear. For certain let your freak flag fly, but remember why you can do so without ending up in jail or beaten up.

  • scott ny'er

    Ok. I never saw some take a crap outside nor do I ever see someone swinging their schlong or exposing their muffin. I did seem some woman who got rid of their breast baring their scars proudly… I guess they were either in process or completed transsexuals.

    Of course, I go to the parades and don’t do the hanging out, beer slugging, cosmo sipping, getting trashed part of pride.

  • TonyD

    Seeing as Drag Queens and Bull Dykes bullied in NYC, to the point they couldn’t take it anymore, they retaliated against the police in 1969 at the Stonewall Inn started the US gay rights/Pride movement, I always thought it sad others felt the more “assimilated” should cover our “misfits” in parades and other events. To hell with that noise- EVERYONE deserves dignity, regardless of what they look like or how they act and how dare we forsake the ones who had the backbone to start the movement. When I say, “Let your freak flag fly,” I mean it-we’re all misfits in one way or the other, but deserve civil treatment regardless. How many more LGBTQs have to be bashed or die because they can’t assimilate to show us we can’t pick and choose who can/can’t represent who/what we think we are?

  • SamIAm

    @Dave: Yep. Always known as Pride Boxing Day chez moi.

  • SamIAm

    Avoid the parade in Toronto this years. The organizers have turned it into a pro-Israeli Apartheid rally.

  • Devon

    Don’t take a crap in the middle of the street.

    …Is this something that even needs to be said? Do people actually do that at these things?

    Really?

  • Peter

    “A bunch of courageous transexuals died for our right…….?

    When did this happen?

    Who died ?

    Get your facts straight on GAY history, please.

  • TonyD

    @Peter: Look up the Stonewall Riots, bub.

  • hephaestion

    @TonyD: Nobody DIED in the Stonewall riots. Peter was just pointing out the error of Queerty’s statement “a bunch of courageous transsexuals died…”

    Luckily, few people turn to Queerty as a final source of information – I hope.

  • damon459

    I’m in Montana and we have a “pride” event but it’s so lame and costs to damn much to attend I thought it was about showing our pride to the community but I’d rather spend my hard earned money doing something else. I don’t know what it’s like in other cities but here it’s 50.00 for a weekend pass 125.00 a night per person for a hotel room plus over priced watered down drinks and there is the fact that Montana has just one gay bar and it’s 400 miles away from where pride is being held needless to say even thought I’ve been out and proud for 20 yrs now I’ve never been or a single pride event.

  • hephaestion

    @damon459: You have to PAY to go to a gay pride celebration in Montana??? I never heard of such a thing! It’s free everywhere I’ve ever been. I guess it’s hard to pull off if you don’t have a huge pool of volunteers to draw on like we do in large cities. At least you get to enjoy that fabulous Montana scenery everyday for free!

  • Jimmi

    @hephaestion: I think it was Queerty’s lame attempt at snarky humor.

  • dartmouth821

    I have a serious question here–kind of new to the community. Is poop play honestly that big of a thing that we need to warn against doing it publicly? I thought that was kind of a rare fetish… ?

  • Dan

    Straight people at Mardi Gras in NOLA go to the bathroom anywhere and everywhere. It’s about having great big crowds and too few public facilities.

  • Michael

    Hard to follow a parade whilst dodging human feces on the street. If this sort of thing is prevalent, me thinks my feet will be elsewhere.

  • carsen tyler

    Since I live in San Francisco, Pride is pretty hard to not go to. Haha last year I found myself running with a bunch of boys that were 5th graders when I was in 8th grade. Now they are 17 year olds who lied about where they were to their parents and the priests (they are all altar servers…I’m a youth minister). I had to help one of them find his backpack of clothes because he couldn’t show up at 7pm mass in nothing but a gold speedo. I freaking love pride month, but it’s true there are some pretty cool things outside of the parade. Like the film festival and the LGBT Prom is really fun.

  • DR

    @hephaestion:

    Mine has a cover as well….

  • jeffree

    If you see PFLAG moms & dads at Pride, say thank you….!

    If one of our Sapphic Sisters on Two Wheels (Dýkës on Bikes) offers to let you have a ride, don’t agree if you’re afraid of motorcycles & have just consumed a 32 ounce Margarita! Not that Im speaking of personal experience !

    If you’re a big city person and have the chance to go to a not-so-big city Pride, GO! I went to one in Rockford IL and another one in upstate New York & they were still a BLAST.

    Wear sunscreen! Share sunscreen!

    Bring “moist wipes” to wipe away all the stale beer that gets spilled on you, to erase lipstick traces from overly zealous kissy people, and to remove excess glitter from passing floats. Sharing your moist towlettes with other Pride people may cause you to be insanely popular. A box of like 50 costs about $3.00. You’ll thank me for this in July.

    Peace out!

  • Fitz

    @dartmouth821: Not so much scat play as poor port-a-john planning, combined with warm beer and mystery-meat-on-a-stick.

  • TonyD

    @damon459: My error, my bad about the transgenders dying at Stonewall.

    Diff subject: Pride shouldn’t cost, but more and more “sponsors” and politicians swoop in each year and greedy club owners boost covers, and that’s when you have private parties/bbqs/events/look for local groups trying not to milk your wallet. A local Denver bar has a free bbq each year, reasonable drinks, it fills up, but not shoulder to shoulder, and tons of parties everywhere- just ask locals in advance.

  • Dellbert

    DO thank Qweerty for making us not take ourselves all too seriously all the time!
    DO smile!!! There’s no reason to not!
    DON’T be so wrapped up in your cliques, popped collars, and iPhones! That’s really big here in Denver!!!
    DO have a wonderful Pride!!!

  • Diya

    @SamIAm: Good. Israel is a terrorist nation. I’m glad the homos in Toronto are acknowledging this.

  • Diya

    @Aaron: This might come as a newsflash to you, but gay people have other identities – shocker, I know.

    By your logic, ethnic pride festivals should ban gay people from marching b/c that would be detracting from the original intent of the parade, right?

    If it bothers you so much, don’t come! Judging by your bitter old man attitude, no one will miss ya!

  • Really

    DO try not to be nude – That shiny ass or fine pair of breasts bared in public sets the entire worldwide gay movement back 50 years. What’s with all the dongs and breasts hanging out at Pride anyway?

    DO wear your funkiest clothes and craziest costumes.

  • SamIAm

    @Diya: Well, that’s the problem. The organizers of the Pride Parade SUPPORT that, and have barred opponents from the parade.

  • Syl

    God, this article was awful! All those Don’ts must have been done before, or else the author would not have mentioned them. And yet the same article says “Bring the family! It’ll introduce them to our diverse and wonderful rainbow!” Yeah, the last thing heteros need to see after their son comes out is “an HIV-Positive Leather Daddy”. These parades do more harm than good. The Christian wackos refer to them and their excesses in their propaganda as somehow “proof” that we’re all evil, “disordered”, sinful freaks. We need to be projecting the image that we’re just as boring, vanilla, normal, family-friendly, Christian, and American as heteros, just…gay. The khaki, dress shirts, and loafer-wearing, SUV and a mortgage, part of the PTA and neighborhood watch, monogamous or at least pretends to be monogamous pro-monogamy in public, upright member of the community sort of normal. Not some death-worshipping bunch of alcoholic, coprophile, disease-spreading sex maniacs!

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