Journo Likes A Clean Floor, Bragging

The New Issue: Mark Simpson

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As part of The New Issue, we’ve asked a handful of homos to list their last five purchases. We’ve already seen what artist Tobaron Waxman’s been buying, so now we’re taking a look at another queer mover and shaker: Mark Simpson’s (pictured familiarly).

No doubt journo Simpson has left an indelible mark on popular culture. Who hasn’t used the now-tired term “metrosexual,” or it’s younger, spunkier brother, “sporno”?

Considering his impact, we figured Simpson spent his dough on diamonds, furs and other fabulous rich bitch baubles. We were wrong.

Simpson’s purchases are far more practical. And his explanations teach us an important lesson: Simpson’s a slut.

Mark Simpson’s wallet last got sapped by…

Magnum XL condoms, because I’m a bragging slut.

Dell XPS M1330 notebook, because I’m a slut on the go.

Laurel and Hardy DVD, because I’m a sentimental slut

The Anglo Saxons edited by James Campbell, because I’m a bookish slut.

Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner, because I’m a lazy slut.

Robotic vacuum?! The 21st century sure is far out.