There’s a sex-shaming view that one-night stands are shallow, soulless experiences. Aussie singer Troye Sivan says he found out this isn’t necessarily the case – even if you never see the guy again.
Sivan, 28, recently dropped his single “Rush”. He’ll soon release his first album of new material in five years. He’s said in previous interviews that it explores his hedonistic side after splitting from a long-term boyfriend.
Sivan spoke to Emily Ratajkowski on her podcast, High Low with EmRata. The episode dropped yesterday. Sivan recounted a one-night stand that surprised him and changed his thinking on intimacy.
He said he hooked up with another man and they were both lying in bed together. The other man then said something that Sivan said was “like something out of a movie.”
“He was like, ‘This is one of life’s greatest pleasures.’ And I was like, ‘What is?’” he recalled.
“And he was like, ‘No, even if I never see you again, you know we are like, sharing this one night and this one moment and we can connect in this way…The sleepover is my favorite part of hooking up with someone.’”
Sivan said it was his first hook-up with a guy since he’d split from his ex and he’d not been expecting it to pack any sort of emotional punch. He’s never seen the guy again.
“We don’t speak and that’s totally fine,” he continued. “[It] completely set me on this path of…so the album is called Something We Give Each Other, and I was like, we all literally have something to give each other. It doesn’t matter if it is dancing on the dance floor with someone for like two seconds or with a big group of people. It was sharing this one night with someone or like a weekend or whatever and it just kind of really changed my perspective on intimacy.”
Something We Give Each Other
Sivan’s comments echo similar words he told GQ in a recent interview.
“I just love people, and I love community and sex…. I really, really love to party,” he said about his post-breakup life.
He said his new album celebrates intimate moments or connections outside of long-term relationships.
“Whether it’s a one-night stand, or someone that you meet for 10 minutes at a club, or somebody you end up dating for like a couple of weeks.”
Something We Give Each Other will be released on October 13.
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One challenge of aging is listening to younger men come up with these deep truths that are so banal and uninformed by life but you can’t say that so you have to nod your head and shut your mouth and kind of unplug your face to keep your brow from lifting in that sure jan way.
anyway, thank god life has greater pleasures than hooking up with strangers and falling asleep together afterwards.
We’re supposed to, what, read this and be impressed with what a big boye our little man is becoming? I sure hope he isn’t the shallow little hussy with no sense of self-awareness which he comes off as.
Wow, so sorry you feel so superior to mock someone else’s experience. Ever stop to think what he said may be true? Now If he had said I woke up next to a man and knew I was really a woman you would think this so brave.
I was always the opposite of his one night stand. The sex was often fun, but sleeping with someone was reserved for guys I was seeing. It has always been the most wonderful intimacy to be in bed with someone you care…and naps with your partner and maybe a dog or two is one of life’s greatest pleasures. But sleeping with a one night stand, never to see them again does noting for me but leave me empty.
sometimes, what troye has described is how great relationships begin. of course, the great relationship didn’t happen this time.
but then again, that might be a line the other person had cooked up beforehand. and i also realize that there is a chance troye might have been bludgeoned to death while sleeping. but isn’t that a chance we all take even when we’re in a seemingly blissful relationship?
Both my longterm relationships started as one night stands. One was for 9 years and the last for 12. I think the one night stand allows. both parties too be incredibly open with each other without the interference of friends telling them all about th person before you met them. In both my times we were really open an vunerable to each other and it progressed swiftly both times
It is great to see another generation of gay men espousing the virtues of casual sex. I am reminded of line in one of Armistead Maupin’s books where an older leather daddy describes the baths as little boys doing nice things to one another in the dark – no names, no entanglements but still deeply meaningful.
Dancing, flirting, kissing and sex are among the greatest pleasures of youth. One’s tastes may evolve with the passage of time. But even in maturity, the occasional interlude of wild, recreational sex (between love affairs or relationships) can be very invigorating!
I see the negative nellie’s are flooding the comments section. I know exactly what Troy is talking about. I had a one-night stand many, many years ago and the emotional connection was something that I had honestly never experienced with someone that I knew was just going to be a one-time thing. Yes, I would guess most of the time one tricks out they do have feelings of emptiness, but, sometimes it is far, far deeper than just sex, even if you never see that person again. For those of you who simply cannot understand this, whatever, your problem, not mine.
Several years ago, when I guess I was (still kind of) attractive and at least younger, I caught the eye of a really sweet looking guy in a crowded subway car. He was seated right by the exit door and my stop was coming up. I stood up, went to the door and it was evident that he was going to continue on. We kept eye-balling each other (almost as if challenging the other to say something or to offer up a piece of paper with a phone number written on it). As the doors opened I made my move: I leaned downward and we shared a passionate, if brief, kiss. It was completely impulsive, but wonderful at the same time. I’ve often wondered if he remembers that moment, because I certainly do.
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ryeguypdx
One challenge of aging is listening to younger men come up with these deep truths that are so banal and uninformed by life but you can’t say that so you have to nod your head and shut your mouth and kind of unplug your face to keep your brow from lifting in that sure jan way.
anyway, thank god life has greater pleasures than hooking up with strangers and falling asleep together afterwards.
S.anderson
We’re supposed to, what, read this and be impressed with what a big boye our little man is becoming? I sure hope he isn’t the shallow little hussy with no sense of self-awareness which he comes off as.
Mister P
I doubt if I’ll be able to sleep tonight, since I’ll be waiting for tomorrow’s article about what Troye said today.
malerntogo
I’d love to give Troye a night to always remember. And a sandwich and then breakfast the next morning. Boy looks hungry and needs to eat more
SFMike
Wow, so sorry you feel so superior to mock someone else’s experience. Ever stop to think what he said may be true? Now If he had said I woke up next to a man and knew I was really a woman you would think this so brave.
Tad
I was always the opposite of his one night stand. The sex was often fun, but sleeping with someone was reserved for guys I was seeing. It has always been the most wonderful intimacy to be in bed with someone you care…and naps with your partner and maybe a dog or two is one of life’s greatest pleasures. But sleeping with a one night stand, never to see them again does noting for me but leave me empty.
humble charlie
sometimes, what troye has described is how great relationships begin. of course, the great relationship didn’t happen this time.
but then again, that might be a line the other person had cooked up beforehand. and i also realize that there is a chance troye might have been bludgeoned to death while sleeping. but isn’t that a chance we all take even when we’re in a seemingly blissful relationship?
barryaksarben
Both my longterm relationships started as one night stands. One was for 9 years and the last for 12. I think the one night stand allows. both parties too be incredibly open with each other without the interference of friends telling them all about th person before you met them. In both my times we were really open an vunerable to each other and it progressed swiftly both times
Flamingodisciple
It is great to see another generation of gay men espousing the virtues of casual sex. I am reminded of line in one of Armistead Maupin’s books where an older leather daddy describes the baths as little boys doing nice things to one another in the dark – no names, no entanglements but still deeply meaningful.
dbmcvey
Enjoy yourself but take care. There are ways to live your life with more safety. Have fun but be aware.
Gay Thomas
Y’all need to quit slut-shaming. Nothing wrong with a one night stand.
bachy
Dancing, flirting, kissing and sex are among the greatest pleasures of youth. One’s tastes may evolve with the passage of time. But even in maturity, the occasional interlude of wild, recreational sex (between love affairs or relationships) can be very invigorating!
LumpyPillows
The only regrets I have are the men I did not sleep with.
mikhailmaui
I see the negative nellie’s are flooding the comments section. I know exactly what Troy is talking about. I had a one-night stand many, many years ago and the emotional connection was something that I had honestly never experienced with someone that I knew was just going to be a one-time thing. Yes, I would guess most of the time one tricks out they do have feelings of emptiness, but, sometimes it is far, far deeper than just sex, even if you never see that person again. For those of you who simply cannot understand this, whatever, your problem, not mine.
mateo
Several years ago, when I guess I was (still kind of) attractive and at least younger, I caught the eye of a really sweet looking guy in a crowded subway car. He was seated right by the exit door and my stop was coming up. I stood up, went to the door and it was evident that he was going to continue on. We kept eye-balling each other (almost as if challenging the other to say something or to offer up a piece of paper with a phone number written on it). As the doors opened I made my move: I leaned downward and we shared a passionate, if brief, kiss. It was completely impulsive, but wonderful at the same time. I’ve often wondered if he remembers that moment, because I certainly do.
bachy
WOW! You win today’s Spontaneously HOTTT! prize, Mateo!