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U.S. Defense Bill Keeps American Military Safe From Committed Couples, Pleasing Sex

On September 30th, the Pentagon said that military chaplains and military facilities could be used for same-sex unions. Then Senate Republicans tried to roll back this guideline by including anti-gay amendments in the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) ensuring that military chaplains wouldn’t get forced to officiate same-sex weddings (not that they ever were) and that military bases wouldn’t get used for same-sex weddings either. However, they’ve dropped those amendments.

Sadly, they didn’t repeal military Article 125, the code forbidding sodomy for both gay and straight servicemembers. Though Lawrence v. Texas made sodomy laws unconstitutional in the civilian realm—and The United States v. Marcum curtailed how Article 125 could be enforced—it would take a Supreme Court decision or act of Congress to fully repeal it.

No sweat—military brass are just ensuring that our men and women in uniform never get to third base. Sexual frustration will make them more aggressive on the battlefield!

Image via The U.S. Army

On:           Dec 13, 2011
Tagged: ,
    • bagooka

      The army is one big harem. Soldiers have to be sexually frustrated because the commander in chief is their real Daddy.

      Dec 13, 2011 at 1:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brandon H

      Isn’t it against the rules for male and female officers to do the deed too?

      Personally I don’t see why the military should have any say who soldiers should fuck, so long as they get their work done.

      Dec 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam

      Fine, will they be charging any of the many straight couples practicing it? Doubtful.

      Dec 13, 2011 at 1:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • erasure25

      But doesn’t Lawrence v Texas also mean Article 125 cannot be enforced because it’s unconstitutional? Our military has to follow the same constitution the rest of us do.

      Dec 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • slanty

      @bagooka: I don’t really get what you mean.

      Dec 13, 2011 at 4:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bill S.

      @erasure25: Yes, in United States v. Marcum, the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces ruled that Lawrence v. Texas applies to the military.

      Dec 14, 2011 at 4:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve

      If Queerty is implying that sex is third base, dare I ask what a home run is?

      Dec 14, 2011 at 6:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Daniel Villarreal

      @Steve: No, oral is third base and oral counts as sodomy too.

      Dec 14, 2011 at 7:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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