Is checking someone out necessarily an act of attraction? Are lingering looks only about lust? You may have pondered these questions if you’ve ever caught a straight-identifying man casting furtive glances—or downright staring—at other dudes.
One Reddit user recently commented on this hetero behavior, writing, “Anyone else notice stereotypical heterosexual guys staring at other men? It seems no one else notices this, but I have seen it heavily all my life — whether I, myself, have been the target of this, or others.”
He said that he saw a “ripped, blond dude” at this gym “getting stared at by every male in that part of the gym.”
“Like, these guys were catching flies, mouths open, eyes wide, [with] no idea as to how blatant they were,” he added. “Am I just more sensitive and observant to these behaviors? Or do you, too, see these instances?”
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Many commenters on the thread could relate. “They don’t just stare, they downright flirt, too,” one wrote.
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Another commenter, meanwhile, said one man kept staring at another man on in his building’s elevator. “Now, the guy was pretty handsome — very tall, with long Tarzan like hair. But damn, it felt awkward, because the other guy was eyef*cking him so bad.”
Other Reddit users offered alternative hypotheses. “That’s just bodybuilding life,” one wrote. “There’s a meme about bodybuilding where it’s done for women, but you get admired by men. Everyone looks — definition, vascularity — it’s a weird gray line. Watch [the 1977 film] Pumping Iron, and it’ll explain a lot.”
Another suggested that these lookeyloos are jealous of the other guys’ looks. “I know this is often a first sign that a person is gay, — that is, the gay guy thinks he is looking at guys because he is envious of their looks and physique, but in reality they are attracted to them. But perhaps, for many, it is really envy.”’
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But the original poster of the thread stuck to his guns. “I think one of the world’s great lies is that most men aren’t attracted to men,” that user wrote. “I see it frequently. There’s nothing subtle, or anything that can be misconstrued about it.”
MrMichaelJ
So we are still not past the point of labeling every guy without a pride flag as totally heterosexual? It’s as if the money shot in straight porn isn’t all about the guy.
Donston
We’re obviously not past the point of you thinking every “straight presenting” dude wants to hook up with guys.
DarkZephyr
I always assumed the “money shot” in straight porn was because the straight guys viewing it identified with the man in the film having sex with the attractive woman, and if he came, it was like they got to as well. I think its all about immersion in the fantasy and not because they find another man’s ejaculate to be sexy.
MrMichaelJ
Doston…. notice which one of us hides who they are and which one of us doesn’t. I can assure you there aren’t a lot of straight men with nice backsides that can’t be turned on easily.
witwoud
Donston is a querolous, bitter queen.
Donston
I’m rather over this “queer” obsession with what “straight presenting” dudes want or what they’re thinking. The topic is just tired. But I will say that admiring someone’s physique or overall looks doesn’t equate to attractions. The more we push that it does, the more it just elicits gay panic and toxic masculinity. While many “straight presenting” dudes nowadays have no problem saying that a guy has a nice body or is handsome or that they wish they looked more like him or whatever. While per usual, I will say that people present themselves how they wish, the dimensions of sexuality and preferences and psychology is very individual, and the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotional investment, relationship comfort, commitment spectrum is incredibly wide and varied. So, folks need to stop treating everything as some revelation.
BigDavidO
Agree that this is old story and we should move on. Especially in terms of limiting thinking to dualities in general, and sexuality in this thread. Millenials, for the most, seem to have abandoned G/H labels in favor of gender fluidity and transitions, while from the beginning, the scientific study of human sexuality never suggested a binary classification. The oldest most studied gender/sex/orientation Kinsey Scale uses 7 dimensions, each ranging from “total gay” to “total straight.” I agree that “labels” can serve positive purposes, and are difficult to give up. And the academic discussion can feel abstract and removed from reality. We can try to develop substitute language/labels on here, Clubhouse, LinkedIn, etc., if can filter out disruptive or inappropriate responses.
MrMichaelJ
Dude you can post from as many bogus accounts to agree with yourself all you want but you definitely can’t hide your tired queen tone
Donston
BigDavidO, there are tons of people under 40 who embrace “straight” and “gay” and “bi” identities. Those things are going away. While I’m not sure a bevy of identities is really a step forward to us understanding each other and being real with each other.
Invader7
Those dudes ain’t fooling ANYONE !!! We all KNOW …
Donston
It was kinda silly for someone to say “stereotypically straight” as if that’s supposed to mean all the dudes in the gym are “straight” just because they’re “straight passing” or didn’t hit on you. But yes, admiring a guy’s body or a dude’s looks is not strictly for men who have guys in their spectrum. But also, you never really know anyone’s dimensions and nuances. While the gym has always been a haven for DL dudes and dudes who want to be “straight presenting”/“mostly ‘straight” while hooking up with other “straight presenting”/“mostly ‘straight” guys. And many dudes primarily go to the gym just to check out other guys.
I really don’t see the story here.
cuteguy
Women always check out women, doesn’t make them gay. Ppl check out ppl. It’s sometimes wishful thinking on our part that we hope they’re gay, especially if we find them attractive,
ingyaom
Just turn it around – hetero guys can check each other out the same way gay men can admire a beautiful woman without wanting to have sex with her.
Fname Optional Lname
thank you!
Inspector 57
Amen!
Dunnedin
That body build for women when all the surveys I have read said that’s not what women are looking for? It seems as though they are working out for adoration from ANY source. Yes, there is an undercurrent of homoeroticism (sometimes not so under-), but as ingyaom and cuteguy have said, people admire beauty. Just because you look at the menu doesn’t mean you want o order.
lord.krath
There was an interesting study done that came to an even more interesting conclusion.
Rather than people fall on a single gradient of 0 straight gay 10 there are, in fact, two gradients.
One gradient is of their heterosexual affinity and the other their homosexual affinity.
So think about it. A person could be a 10 straight. But maybe a 3 gay.
How these affinities express themselves are as varied as the people that hold them.
So yes, it could be they are in awe of these Greek gods. Or it could be they are envious. Or it could be some combination and also some latent expression of a homosexual attraction.
Who knows?
Also, who cares?
Yes, I’ve noticed it too. Who doesn’t? As a gay men we have to be acutely aware of these things. Particularly since misjudging these things can be catastrophic.
Donston
As I’ve said many times, people and their dimensions and their motivations are very individual stuff. Sexuality alone contains a lot of elements (the types and degrees of arousal, attraction, desire, enjoyment, passions, paraphiliacs/fetishes, extent of your sex drive, what type of fluidity you experience if you experience any at all). Then there’s the sometimes complicated elements of gender, romantic affections, admiration and affirmation, emotional investment, general comfort, commitment ambitions/fulfillment. Then there’s how much sociology, expectations, religion, ego, insecurities, mental health, resentments, biases, money, opportunity affects everyone and how they everyone presents themselves. There are plenty of dudes out here who pretty close to being heterosexual but are overall homo-leaning. Those types of dimensions and contradictions is something a lot of folks still can’t comprehend, which is partly why there’s still so many DL and manipulative and leeching dudes. It’s all very complicated and individual stuff that can’t be summed up with mere scales or identities.
I do agree that “queers” (especially homosexuals and people who are homo leaning or have homo commitment ambitions) understandably become more focused on this kind of stuff. However varied people are and however much has changed, we still ultimately live in a “straight” and hetero-centric and “gender normal” world. While hitting on the wrong dude can equate to some drama if not sometimes being killed or just some embarrassment.
But also, we do need to get to the point of not screaming “queer” every time a “straight presenting” guy checks out a conventionally attractive dude or says he finds a guy to be good-looking or says another guys has a nice body. It is a tired and passé.
Fname Optional Lname
My straight friends say that they admire guys with good bodies or good looking guys because they wish they looked like that. They don’t have the desire to spank off when they see them and know they would not be comfortable fooling around with a hot guy – the same way we wouldn’t feel comfortable fooling around with a female.
johnnysimpatico
stale topic perpetuates str8 man myth that all queers are obsessed with them and dream of str8 man sex and just waiting for them to ask
AZ71
I think its as simple as survival of the fittest and evolution. Every man sizes up another man whether he’s gay, str8 or bi. Rarely they know. But its simple curiosity on how we compete in the world. You cant tell me that at one point a man as stood at a urinal and quickly glanced over at the other guy to catch a glimpse. Or notice other naked men in the locker room of a gym. Its probably not sexual at all. He just wants to see what that guy has and how it compares to him.
Openminded
I totally agree with the OP’s last paragraph. If we could give every man a dose of actual truth serum and ask them if they had some attraction to men, I’m betting the world would be shocked at how many answer in the affirmative. Unfortunately, Bubba and Jethro are being raised to believe that’s “queer” behavior and if you do that, we’ll have to beat the gay out of ya’.
ShiningSex
guys of all kinds check each other out sometimes. big deal. what’s new?
inbama
All I know is even though the male leads are actually pushing thirty, I feel like a dirty old man binge-watching “The Sex Lives of College Girls.”
marxist_homo
Thanks, Queerty, for summarizing a few stupid Reddit posts and calling it journalism.
JeffBaker
It’s probably envy! Trust me, I’m Bi and I’ve talked to my straight buddies about this and that’s why they check out buff, good-looking guys! I do it for that reason too, sometimes!
Cam
The key words are “Straight Identifying” and “Stereotypically Heterosexual”.
Every few months we get another article like this that tries to pretend the closet doesn’t exist.
Sean Gabriel
In all honesty I truly believe there are a lot of self identified straight men who are actually either bisexual or at least bi-curious. I have run into this many times in my 45 years on this planet. Truth is though that it’s up to them how they wish to identify. And if they are bisexual or bi-curious, there is absolutely nothing unusual or abnormal about that. I myself identify as gay, but that is my personal choice. Nobody has to justify their thoughts or feelings to anyone else. That’s my personal feeling on the subject.
JeffBaker
I am very very out and very very bi. And I still check buff good-looking guys out! I’m a contented sixty-something happily married to the guy of my dreams and I took it slow walking into the grocery store the other day just so I could linger over a buff, Latino guy in a tank top reflected walking the other way in the glass door!