“All the people close to me have known for years who I am,” actor Joel Grey tells People in a new interview. “[Yet] it took time to embrace that other part of who I always was.”
The Broadway legend and Academy Award-winning actor just came out as gay… at 82 years old. It is the first time he has ever discussed his sexuality publicly.
“I don’t like labels,” Grey says, “but if you have to put a label on it, I’m a gay man.”
Grey is perhaps best known for portraying the Master of Ceremonies in both the stage and film versions of the musical Cabaret, for which he won the Academy Award, Tony Award, and Golden Globe Award.
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He explains that being gay was much different for a man of his generation. As a young person growing up in Cleveland, OH, he still remembers “hearing the grownups talk in the next room, my mother included, talking derisively about ‘fairies’ and men being dragged off to jail and even worse for being who they were.”
Grey says that at a young age, “I came to realize, along with being attracted to girls, I had similar feelings for boys.” But he didn’t accept this part of himself until much later, after he was married to a woman for 24 years and had raised two children.
Grey’s daughter, Jennifer, also spoke to People, saying she was proud of her father.
“I feel very happy for my dad that he has come to a point in his life where he feels safe and comfortable enough to declare himself in a public way as a gay man,” she says. “Mostly because the more people are free to own their true nature and can hopefully come closer to love and accept themselves as they really are, no matter what age, no matter how long it takes, to finally be free of the lies or half truths, it is freedom.”
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Maude
I met Joel in a restaurant in the bowels of the World Financial Center across the street from the WTC on a summer day, a year or two before 9/11.
We took a walk past the Yacht Basin and he decided not to go to my place in Gateway Plaza, and with a soft spoken ‘sorry’, he turned and walked away.
I don’t know what scared him off.
stanhope
@Maude: I’d like to think that he was afraid of how “big” you were.
Maude
@stanhope:
stanhope: So would I, but the subject of the object never came up.
If it were Roddy McDowell (spelling?) I would have been the one “…..afraid of how ‘big’ [he was].”
Ladbrook
Good for him… Odd, though, that I’d always assumed he was gay and that he was very open about it. Not sure why I thought that, but very happy to see that he’s comfortable with himself AND that Jennifer supports him.
DannyEVillage
this was supposed to be a secret?
Well–BD Wong was equally deluded.
Stache99
In other news water is now known as wet. Good for him though.
Alan down in Florida
Just proof it is never too late to be true to yourself.
wpewen
It’s interesting given his career he didn’t do it years ago. In some fields basically men can not come out, even now. Comparing him to Charles Reich, author of “Greening of America” who is now in his 80’s came out during the 70’s. He identified strongly with the Counterculture and felt politically obligated to do so. He is an attorney and academic and had a lot to lose. Grey, in entertainment could have done this quite a while ago.
Curtispsf
@wpewen: Joel Grey didn’t come out sooner because he was afraid of being judged as “less than”. It’s important that he be supported for coming out NOW instead of judging him for not coming out sooner. I don’t believe you’re really doing that; you and I can see that it would have been OK for him to come out sooner, but he could only do that when HE felt comfortable. Men and women of his generation were used to hiding in the shadows and it’s difficult for them to get past that. I’m just very happy for him, even late in life, that he has the opportunity to live life openly as a gay man. No more hiding…and that’s a good thing!
jwtraveler
@DannyEVillage: Huh? BD Wong has been out as long as he’s been famous, as far as I know. And he’s a lot younger than Joel Grey.
Desert Boy
Congrats for coming out!
GlennCoco
@Maude: Maybe he thought God would get him for it.
Cam
I can’t wait for the day when a generational divide in people feeling comfortable coming out is a thing of the past. Congratulations to Mr. Grey. 🙂
Oh, and I can’t wait until that grown inducing phrase of “I hate labels” is also a think of the past. 😉
hyhybt
“I came to realize, along with being attracted to girls, I had similar feelings for boys.”
Wouldn’t that make him bi? He’d know himself best, of course, but “similar feelings” for boys and girls is pretty much the definition of bi.
@Cam: Or until there’s no need for officially coming out at all because who you’re interested in is no longer an issue.
wpewen
@Curtispsf: Yes, of course it’s great but please notice people who did it despite their own comfort. Look up Charles Reich. Because of his book on human ecology, he was a spokesman for young people in the early 70’s As part of his thing he came out while still a professor and did get some big initial rejection but did it anyway. As did David Kopay. I’m 56 and came out at 18 for myself sure but also because I felt a part of a larger thing. That thing was kind of lost permanently in the 1980’s, and it didn’t just pertain to gays.
GayEGO
It is good that Joel came out after all of these years, it must have been difficult for him. I am 73 and originally from Idaho. I have been with my lifetime partner 53 years, married almost 11 years in Massachusetts. I remember when Boise, Idaho had “The Fall of ’55” when they sent gays to prison. By the description of gays in the newspaper e.g. fairies, queers, etc. as hiding in the bushes in the park, attacking young teenage boys, I knew I was not like that. I did know that I was sexually attracted to some guys, however, and I was not attracted sexually to women. I decided not to marry a girl that wanted to marry me, because I did not believe the marriage would last, especially because I could/would not have sex with her and we would eventually divorce. Now, my partner and I are both retired and living the American dream. It is great that marriage equality is legal in 36 states and counting. By this summer, it should be legal as the law of the land of America. Of course there will be those that are kicking and screaming as they are dragged to marriage equality. :>)
Tackle
But why wait so late? Your career is over, and you have one foot in the grave, and you think this is worthy of admiration? Some would call this a cowardly act at this poin. Not sure if I would disagree.
blackberry finn
Now Liza will want to marry him.
GayEGO
@GlennCoco: Fortunately God told me to be who I am when I was 20, so I did and I have been happy ever since. If people think about it, we only know ourselves as others only know themselves. All of the negative things said about us is just a bunch of hoopla.
Cam
@hyhybt: Amen!
SteveDenver
BRAVO! (WHISTLE! STANDING-O! WILD APPLAUSE)
loren_1955
Wow, this article gave me another feel good moment. For many years I did not trust my intuitive feelings about men. One was Neil Patrick Harris who I as touched by and he later came out as gay. And now, Joel Grey, who I felt the same stirrings for 40+ years ago watching Cabaret my first year of college. A true Master of the stage that even today I still enjoy his performance. Best to you good man.
OzJosh
@wpewen: “In some fields men basically cannot come out, even now.”
Name one?! I know miners, plumbers and truckers who are completely out. There are out sportsman in just about every sport now. There are any number of out gay CEOs. Out gay political leaders (including prime ministers). Out military personnel. Out gay pop stars. There are now anti-discrimination laws offering legal protections. And many large companies extend benefits and protections on an equal opportunity basis to gay employees. It might (arguably) still be tricky to be an out A-list Hollywood leading man, but that’s not something that affects a huge number of people, or even most actors. And it might still be tricky if you’re a religious leader in one of the less progressive churches, but, frankly, who gives a flying **** about someone like that?
OK, some people might still find coming out awkward or challenging or even difficult. But it is no longer impossible or unwise or dangerous for the vast majority of gay men. The notion that it is still impossible for some is a popular fairy tale told to soothe those who find the closet more comfortable. Unless you’re a dependent child with conservative parents, the only thing preventing most gay people from coming out now is a lack of courage. Some will find this harsh and there will be a flood of responses now pleading exceptions and special circumstances. But it’s 2015 and it’s time to call bull**** on all that.
jefferyboggs
It was my pleasure to stand in and photo double for Joel in the movie version of the fantasticks a few years back…he was and remains a very kind and talented man….so if you have to put a label on it…I’d say a wonderful man….gay or straight…..he’s one of a kind and we are all better because he has shard his talent with us all!….go Joel!….a fan to the end….Jeff
Clark35
“Grey says that at a young age, “I came to realize, along with being attracted to girls, I had similar feelings for boys.” If this is actually true then he’s bisexual, not gay.
jason smeds
If he’s attracted to both genders, he’s bisexual, not gay. However, I can understand why such people might identify as a victimized class rather than a non-victimized class. It brings them attention.
OzJosh
@jason smeds: So you know better than Joel Grey himself what his actual orientation is?
jimontp
@Tackle: Don’t be so harsh. You have absolutely no clue about what it would be like coming out for someone in Gray’s generation. NO FU-KING CLUE. Yes he could have done it earlier, but he has now. So welcome him with open arms instead of being a nasty BI-CH about it. Our community can be so much better if we just accept others without so much spite about how long it took to join. Aim your nasty comments at Kevin Spacey, John Travolta and Tom Cruise when they FINALLY come out.
jimontp
@OzJosh: It’s the same message I heard Harvey Milk saying while he was alive, and the same message after his assassination. Come out. Come out. But when someone does, accept him/her with open arms, don’t chastise for why it didn’t happen earlier.
And BTW Hollywood leading man…Zachery Quinto, Neil Patrick Harris and Matt Bomer are pretty damn close to reaching that status- and they are all top notch actors.
Professor Fate
I’m stunned, STUNNED!
LadyL
@GlennCoco: What? What are you talking ab– oh, I see what you did there. 🙂
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
@GayEGO:
You and your partner are my freaking heroes!!!!!
LadyL
@OzJosh: Great comment; thanks for sharing the thought.
oldbrit
Oh my God! I’m so shocked. Joel Gray is gay? My world has collapsed into despair and desperation.
Liz
MarionPaige
aren’t out of the blue “coming out” interviews like the one Grey gave to People USUALLY an attempt to head off the impact of a much more “damaging” story from one of the gossip rags?
Looks like Michael Musto was right in all of those articles he wrote about Grey being in the closet
NoCagada
@blackberry finn: AND beat him up!
hotshot70
wow, what a shock. He seemed so butch in Cabaret!
NoCagada
Well, at least they can still hint about Richard Simmons…
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
@blackberry finn:
Waaaay too funny!!
o.codone
@blackberry finn: “now Liza will want to marry him” LOL. i mean i had a few minutes of serious belly laughter over your comment. thank you for the fun. right on target man. lol.
wpewen
@OzJosh: I have no idea of where you are, but I read some selective observation on your part. Let’s start with the NFL. Sam? Lets go on. All my life I’ve been around blue collar men, my father was in underground construction, etc. Out? It may be a question of what you consider out. You are really full of it on some levels. One example in here in CA an electrical firm is flooded with applications from gay electricians San Diego who tried to be out on the job and no way would the straight guys stand it, (Company is gay friendly because a woman runs it and her brother’s gay). Other than that…
I live around straight guys in the trades and on an individual basis they couldn’t give a rat’s ass but also I can’t be “out” as far as talking about my personal life. I’ve been around straight men mostly all my life and they simply don’t want to hear about it (something a lot of gay men could do with, stop the personal at work). I’ve known plumber, carpenters, you name it. You are living in a fantasy if you think “anyone can do it now.” Some can and some cant’t. Your kind of rhetoric is scary.
inbama
@jason smeds: Contrary to the latest LGBTQIA PC, “sexual orientation” is just what the phrase implies – attraction to members of the same and/or opposite sex – not gender.
Glory holes are living proof.
scotshot
@Tackle: A particularly hateful comment even for Queerty. You should consider seeing a therapist to help deal with your massive insecurities. Sad.
enlightenone
@jimontp: “…Our community can be so much better if we just accept others without so much spite about how long it took to join. Aim your nasty comments at Kevin Spacey, John Travolta and Tom Cruise when they FINALLY come out.”
We wouldn’t have a “COMMUNITY” if it were up to 82 year old “prefer no labels!” However, he certainly benefited of the backs of the courageous and brave few over the past centuries, most current 44 years.
Why you would suggest we wait and hold our “nasty comments” for the likes of these other “closet cases” Spacey, Travolta, and Cruise is beyond me?
I served 10 years in the military as an out gay man at a time when I could have been put on trial and dishonorably discharged for no reason other than my biology!
enlightenone
@scotshot: ” A particularly hateful comment even for Queerty. You should consider seeing a therapist to help deal with your massive insecurities. Sad.”
Clearly, Tackle blew up your skirt. Wear panties if you can’t stand the breeze!
Tackle
@jimontp: Actually our community can be so much better if we if we don’t try to control the actions and emotions of grown ass Queers, telling them who, and when to accept with open arms. Now that’s something to get a FU-KING CLUE about…
Tackle
@scotshot: You are the one who’s showing massive insecurities, because someone is not thinking the way you would like them to, or saying what you find appealing. And if you cannot handle that, then I suggest YOU seek therapy. And I also suggest you pick up a dictionary, and learn the definition of hate. No one said he deserves to be shot, mangled or murdered. Or directed any ill will towards him. I just don’t don’t think he deserves admiration.
Richard19223
This is funny. I never knew he wasn’t gay. And, frankly, who cares except him?
I think our sexuality is something that belongs to ourselves. If we want to share with others, that’s a personal choice. Or if (as in my case) someone asks you. Then you have to decide if honesty is the best policy in all cases.
I’m now 75 and past giving a flying f…. but all my life I never came out to anyone who didn’t want to hear it (my mom). But then again, I was never in.
wpewen
@enlightenone: Thanks for writing. I’m 56 and have noticed a trend recently of “older” men coming out and “thanking” other guys for blazing the trail, when they themselves were busy doing it all for themselves. Try Tim Cook of Apple, who goes all humble about it, after he secured his 400K salary. I admire you, I’ve known guys who did what you did. I came out at 18, just because. These men who stage a social media event and as you say, do it on the backs of other’s work are often people who NEVER would have done jack unless the mouse in the corner said eek.
onthemark
@OzJosh: I’d love to agree with you 100%, but see the recent comment thread on job discrimination. Plenty of gay people in what sound like quite mundane office jobs still have a very hard time. As for the blue collar trades, there are tens of thousands of companies/venues, so of course many are great at this point, but many still aren’t as @wpewen: points out.
Having said that, you make a good case for being *officially* out since co-workers tend to figure it out anyway:
a) if someone doesn’t conform to the prevailing hetero bragging of a workplace, co-workers are going to speculate that they are gay;
b) once someone reaches the age of about 28 to 30 and is still apparently unhitched, co-workers are going to start assuming they are gay;
c) (I’ll throw this in just for “fun”) – if someone lives in the South or Midwest, the so-called “Bible Belt” and by the age of 35 hasn’t already been divorced several times and/or fathered a few bastard children, co-workers will KNOW they are gay!
It’s not so much being OUT as, to what extent (if any) is someone pretending to be heterosexual?
Few gay people are good at acting “heterosexual” indefinitely – apparently including professional actors.
Kangol
Re: Joel Grey
DUH!!!
inbama
For those who didn’t follow the link to “People” in the article, there’s no need to look for scandal. He’s revealing this now because his autobiography comes out (no pun intended) later this year.
enlightenone
@wpewen: “…I came out at 18, just because.”
Great to know there was another 18 year old in 1978 who did what other 18 year old guys do, they get their clothes out of the closet, get dressed, and go out, perhaps even go on a date or hook-up with another young man, NOT HIDE IN A PERPETUAL CLOSET!
You’re only 18 once!
SonOfKings
I am so sick of these guys who wait until they are damn near 100 years of age to come out, AFTER others have paved the way. Who really cares at this point?
IvanPH
I am more surprised to find out that he is married to a woman.
Clark35
@SonOfKings: True, or the guys who are really bisexual like this guy, and then bend towards monosexism and claim that they’re really “gay”.
inbama
@Clark35: Given he talks about having loved this woman, I doubt he’s anti-bisexual – or do you mean “monosexuality?”