If your Facebook feed looks anything like ours, you’ve well realized by now that everyone and their drag mothers have a stance on the great “tranny” debate of 2014, but unless you have a personal stake in the discussion, all those opinionated voices end up sounding like that noise you used to have to endure when dialing on to AOL in the ’90s.
Which is why when Candis Cayne decided to join the conversation during a recent interview promoting her new film Crazy Bitches, we were apt to listen. The actress has been a public figure of the trans community since the mid-’90s, gaining mainstream success on shows like Nip/Tuck and Dirty Sexy Money.
Here’s her take:
“There’s no transphobic anything [on Drag Race]. There’s a group of people who don’t like certain words and now everyone has to change their lives around it.
The word ‘she-male,’ if someone called me that, I’d be irritated, but I’m not going to change a whole segment of a television show that’s about drag because they used it.”
Cayne went on to defend the Drag Race team even more:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“These are a group of guys who do so much for the gay community, the trans community, the drag community.”
And noted how she feels context is everything:
“To me, it’s not a serious show. It’s a fun, whimsical competition. I believe words mean something with intention. I don’t believe the word ‘tranny’ is ‘wrong.’ I don’t believe the word ‘she-male’ is that tasteful — it’s not something I would use — but I don’t see why there’s such an uproar about it.”
Recalling the days when being trans meant flying under the radar as much as possible, she said:
“We weren’t allowed to be [trans], but we all called each other ‘tranny.’
A new, young activist isn’t going to tell me I can’t use that word. That’s how I feel.”
h/t: Huff Post
See also:
Carmen Carrera Proudly Refers To Herself As “Tranny” In Dated Interview And Tweets
Lady Bunny Refuses To Bow To “Tranny” Word Police, Says To Fight The Real Enemy
Chris Crocker Enters The Tranny Discussion, Tells Trans Fringe To “Leave RuPaul Alone!”
Bianca Del Rio Blasts Carmen Carrera Over “Tranny” Debate: “Shut The F*** Up!”
Discover more
Nowuvedoneit
I wonder what became of all those AOL disks? I use to get them daily in the mail back in the day.
DB75
Now that we have that settled – how about we get to work on those pesky little projects we keep putting off – you know, like feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, caring for the ailing and dying from all sorts of diseases, freeing those kept as prisoners to the sex and human traffic trades, etc…..
In the grand scheme, a stupid fight over a damned word should make us all extremely ashamed.
cformusic
i believe all minority groups get to decide how they want to address themselves..this just shows that you can’t lump everyone into one batch just because they are underrepresented in the mainstream
DarkZephyr
Candace is so beautiful. I love her.
Cam
@cformusic:
The problem being Candice Cane, and several other famous Transgender folks do NOT want to stop using the word, while on the other side, you have a group that says they don’t want to use the word, but also seems far more interested in attacking RuPaul and the gay community.
So the community itself doesn’t seem to have settled this issue.
Gordon
DB75: I hear an “AMEN” for that!
corvaspikenard
@DB75: “In the grand scheme, a stupid fight over a damned word should make us all extremely ashamed.”
Agreed. I wish I hadn’t wasted even a thought on it.
Back to getting protections in the Human Rights Act!
Nikkidane
I think most Trans people feel the word is degrading. For that reason, I think it should be avoided.
Mezaien
@DarkZephyr: Candace is so beautiful my dog loves her.
andy_d
@DB75: Like.
Teeth
If the Trans community finds the term insulting, then we shouldn’t use it. For them. But in this case, it’s not about them. They don’t get to choose how another group refers to themselves.
shelleybear
You’d think that if “she-male” bothered her she would understand?
But no.
I guess she just feels above everyone else.
Dee Omally
She is absolutely gorgeous, and absolutely dead wrong—not because I am alone in stating this but because has anyone cared to notice something here—a complete conflict of interest surrounding this debate?
RuPaul, Calpernia Addams, Andrea James, TV drag performers and now Candis Cayne all aligned on one side of this debate: the Hollywood side. On the other are we, with no drag or Hollywood alliances and just average run-of-the-mill transitioned females in the real world outside of the polyurethane and completely fake world of Hollywood. Nothing wrong with acting or Hollywood but everything wrong with asking the Hollywood trans elite, who already “got theirs”.
The reason there is a tremendous outpouring of contention against the use of words containing trans slurring meanings is because here, at street-level, outside of Hollywood, fame and fortune…..there is a real world….one where trans females walk, talk, seek jobs in…and unlike the cocoon known as Hollywood have an entirely different experience with trans slurs—always destructive. These rich TV stars laugh all the way to the bank, and $ have a funny way of growing Redwood-thick skin, something 99% of trans females are not blessed with.
Dee Omally
@Nikkidane: Certainly you can’t be speaking the truth dear? Why Hollywood has spoken!
Saralikesyarr
“Candis Cayne Will Keep On Saying “Tr@nny,” Whether You Like It Or Not”
Then other people will keep on calling her an enormous disgusting bigot, whether she likes it or not. It’s amazing how freedom of speech works isn’t it?
People have the freedom to be ignorant, and other people have the freedom to say they are.
And if they are offended by that, well they have the right to be.
jayj150
“Candis Cayne Will Keep On Saying “Tr@nny,” Whether You Like It Or Not”. That makes two of us.
jayj150
@Dee Omally: It’s not Hollywood versus the ‘average folks’. That’s an extremely disingenuous, condescending argument. The word ‘tr3nny’ has been part of Drag Queens’s culture for decades. They have as much right to defend their culture and freedom of speech as anyone else, and I would hardly call drag queens part of the ‘Hollywood elite’. Plus, and this has been said a million times: ‘tr3nny’ is used as an endearing term by and in reference to DRAG QUEENS. Drag Queens have been at the front of the fights for sexual minorities’ rights since long before Transgenderism decided to adhere itself to LGB’s movement, and they’ve always done it by being transggressive and fierce, not by being obsessed with political correctness. If there’s any elitist in this fight, it’s people like Carrera and Mock, who, from the comfort of the new ‘heterosexual lives’ now pretend to demonize gay icons like Rupaul.
Nowuvedoneit
@Dee Omally:it is a word that is not owned by any one group. I am not attacking your right to be upset if you are called it but in the same vein it’s a word like woman and man. You fight for the right to identify as a trans woman, but would you be upset that some as the radical feminists say you can’t truly call yourself a woman because they view themselves as rightfull owners of the word woman?
This debate over a word has gone long enough, agree to disagree.
Saralikesyarr
@jayj150:
The problem Jay, is that to the OUTSIDE world, people don’t know the difference between drag queens and transgendered people. (In fact, considering that some gay men still think there were no transgender people at stonewall, neither do many on the inside of the LGBT community.)
Public relations DOES MATTER. The HRC spends HALF it’s budget on advertizing, and for a reason. When people who are not a part of LGBT culture, see people using the word Tr@nny, they think it’s an okay term to use for transgender people.
The problem is, these drag queens are acting like they live in a vacuum, and that the things they do, don’t effect anyone else.
These drag queens don’t realize that to non-LGBT laypeople, a drag queen IS a transgender person, and so when they see these drag queens using such terms, they think it’s ok for THEM to use them too. And no it’s not.
These drag queens are acting like they have no leadership responsibility, and just live in this egotistical bubble, where their actions have no effect on anyone but themselves.
People are rightly going to call them out on that, and say that that’s not okay. To them, using the word “tr@nny”, may just be cultural. But when OTHER people, copy that behavior, outside of the drag community, it becomes hate and slurs.
jayj150
@Saralikesyarr: That is between straight folks and transfolks, leave ‘these drag queens'(as you condescendingly refer to them) out of it. There are homophobic straight men violently assaulting both gay and transpeople on a daily basis, and you are concerned about a comedy act that, again, DOESN’T EVEN MAKE MENTION OF TRANSPEOPLE?. You want to victimize Drag Queens(who, as a group made up mostly of gay men, is in itself a marginalized group) because damn straight folks don’t seem to tell you guys apart from drag queens?. Educate them, that’s YOUR FIGHT TO FIGHT. This stems from transpeople’s obsession with being validated as women. Your biggest concern doesn’t seem to be violence, or the extraordinarily high rate of suicide and HIV infection, or employment discrimination. Apparently all that is acceptable, but God forbid that a straight man will take you for a Drag Queen!!!!. If you people were more secure in your identity and your womanhood, you wouldn’t let a comedy act affect you this much.
Saralikesyarr
@jayj150: I don’t believe I’ve ever said I was a transgender person friend.
That’s quite a rant that you did.
Apparently to you, if someone sticks up for transgender people, they must be a transgender person themselves?
That’s a sorry assumption, and states more about the sad state of transgender rights within the LGBT community itself than anything else.
That you have such an issue with transgender people is your problem. The rest of us can continue to think that such comments are inappropriate, and continue to stick up for the rights of others.
Have a nice day friend.
Dee Omally
@jayj150:
Your honor I have no further comment. You can ignore my last paragraph and keep saying that it is fiction and retain a loss of credibility.
Dee Omally
@Nowuvedoneit: Ha ha….believe it or not I still have a few AOL disks, stored. Somehow I knew that like everything else, at some point they would stop coming off the AOL line.
Dee Omally
@Saralikesyarr:
Of course since you speak the truth, others here will beg to differ. That’s OK. History moves on and many are left behind.
corvaspikenard
@Dee Omally: “On the other are we, with no drag or Hollywood alliances and just average run-of-the-mill transitioned females in the real world outside of the polyurethane and completely fake world of Hollywood.”
That would be me as well; just a stealth office worker living in the suburbs. I couldn’t care less about the word and who uses it; there are far more important concerns and it’s not worth dividing communities over something so insignificant.
I’ve been called a ‘Tr***y’ and it hurt like hell.
But I got over it. People like RuPaul and Candance aren’t using it spitefully or with nasty intent.
If you’re really concerned about just living life in the ‘real world’ then don’t go around using your real name on the internet and telling everyone you are trans 🙂
Dee Omally
@jayj150:
With the command “leave these drag queens out of it”, when they themselves have stepped into it, any credibility you might have had evaporated. When a statement “a comedy act that doesn’t make mention of transpeople”—is presented as fact, it is clear that it is not credibility but emotion that is being expressed.
While recent events (since March 2014) will forever record in trans history that it is not straight men but gay men (not all) that are obsessed with vilifying transitioned females, diverting attention to straight men invalidates credibility further.
With doctors and the law fully in support of sex changes, in either direction, for over six decades now, transfemales are long past seeking validation. Legal fact will always trump opinion. Any statement made from someone standing on a milk crate and *waggin* the “you people” finger, particularly with a stuck CapsLock key is one that will accept no objection, as surely your reply will demonstrate.
Once you cool off, perhaps sense can replace emotion such that your defense of drag performers will make way for this fact: words do matter, in fact they matter so much that yelling “Fire!” in a theater will warrant an arrest. False words on paper are civil torts. Words on paper expressed as threats are enforceable. We, the trans community will no longer stand for business as usual. We will no longer accept public disrespect under the excuse “words don’t matter because over here they have a different (and safe) meaning”. And yes, the connection is Hollywood entertainment. That’s not opinion but now proven fact. Our in-basket for excuses has been full for far too long. We are no longer accepting any excuses.
Dee Omally
@corvaspikenard:
I am very happy that your transition has gone on so well that you can be stealth. When I started my transition, I made the choice to be open. Why? Because stealth is great on a personal level, however it truly has kept trans equality on a landing pattern for far too long. I actually lost a job over trans discrimination…I had cut my hair to regrow it, was hired and days later I was extended the unwelcome mat. After this job “loss” not being open was no longer an option. I had seen the face of transphobia and paid the price. Jobs should be lost over incompetence, never from being honest.
As far as “real names” on the internet I do agree that privacy is important and take necessary precautions for obvious reasons. The internet has never been private, ever—all information is stored forever on various nodes. But anyway, the reason I am so “tocal” (typing vocal) is because after I lost the job, I made a vow to remain open, proud and unashamed. I vowed to be a potent defender of trans rights, and as such a potent adversary to those opposed. Criminal thugs need to be ashamed, never but ever anyone in the LGBT should be so ashamed (not referring being stealth) for living our truth. Being open has its costs, but far more outweighed by the benefits that we are finally reaping as a community.
Josh in OR
Well, at the risk of being called ignorant or bigoted or whatever, let me tell an anecdote, and then make a statement. I’m going to use words that may make people uncomfortable, because words are simply that – words. I refuse to let a collection of letters have any power over me, and I reject the idea that we can’t talk about particular words like reasonable people as long as we remain respectful.
I am a gay man, out for nearly twenty years. I remember how hard it was to come out back then, and I think it’s clearly similar to what transgendered folks deal with now. Perhaps in twenty years, they will be where we gay folks are now. One can only hope. I have, in my twenty years of adult life, worked with several transgendered people. A man I consider a brother has recently transitioned, and I am learning to think of her as my sister, instead. Of the trangendered people I have known, most have been M2F (every one of whom ended up as a heterosexual woman), but also one or two F2M (Also heterosexual self-identified after the transition). It’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I can say, honestly, that I am not anti-trans, nor am I transphobic. I’ll totally cop to the fact that at one time, I was. Transgendered people, for a long time, were the ‘weirdest of the weird’ to me. I didn’t get it, I didn’t WANT to get it. It made no sense to me. Hell, I’ll even willingly admit that it STILL doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m man enough to acknowledge that it doesn’t need to. It’s not my struggle. All I can do is be compassionate and offer a non-judgemental shoulder to my fellow traveler, whether I understand his or her journey or not.
That said, there is an issue here that no one on the Trans side seems to be acknowledging. At least, not the trans-activist side. For a LONG time, gay men have dealt with the stigma of being called ‘q-ueer’ or ‘f-aggot’, among other things, by ignorant assholes. Black people have had to deal with being called ‘n-igger’ by ignorant assholes. Trans people are, currently, dealing with ignorant assholes calling them ‘t-ranny’. Gay men and black people have, in many ways, ’embraced’ those words and turned them around. In much of the visible culture (movies, TV, music, and celebrity, at least) of the first two minority groups, the ‘bad’ words have come to have new meanings, even positive meanings like ‘brother’ or ‘awesome fella’ when used within the community, yet still means a terrible, awful thing when used by anyone OUTSIDE the community.
“T-ranny’ is a word that has been used in the drag community for DECADES. It has never had a negative connotation when used within that community, beyond, perhaps, a bit of shade-throwing. The only reason this is even an issue, as far as I can see, is because some ignorant assholes (straight and trans alike – I’m looking at you, Carmen ‘Bites the hand that raised her up” Carrera) are commandeering it and making it mean something it has never meant before. Since some racial minorities call white people ‘cracker’ should we no longer use that word, either, despite it’s original meaning having nothing to do with white people at all? “T-ranny’ is no different from ‘cracker’ in this situation. Policing language isn’t the answer. Compassion is. If you, as a trans person, do not want to be called ‘t-ranny’ and feel uncomfortable around that word, we should respect that and avoid using it to refer to you (not an issue since most in the LGB-and yes, T community understand the history of the word and use it in it’s proper context), but on the flip side of the argument, you must understand that asking the world to stop using the word isn’t going to happen any more than the world will cease using the word ‘cracker’. Rather than attack your allies and friends like Candis, RuPaul, Bianca, Calpurnia and others, perhaps you might take a lesson from other minority groups who have reclaimed misappropriated words from ignorant assholes, and wave your freak flag high.
To paraphrase my favorite philosopher, “Let me give you some advice: Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”
Saralikesyarr
@Josh in OR:
That was a very thoughtful response.
“Gay men and black people have, in many ways, ‘embraced’ those words and turned them around. In much of the visible culture (movies, TV, music, and celebrity, at least) of the first two minority groups, the ‘bad’ words have come to have new meanings, even positive meanings like ‘brother’ or ‘awesome fella’ when used within the community, yet still means a terrible, awful thing when used by anyone OUTSIDE the community.”
I think what is important to remember, is that how one group of people handles being discriminated against is not necessarily a rubric for how other people must. Not all African Americans have embraced that word for instance, some of them consider it quite derogatory, and are very ashamed that other African Americans use it in that regards. Not everybody necessarily *wants* to “reclaim” such a slur.
“but on the flip side of the argument, you must understand that asking the world to stop using the word isn’t going to happen any more than the world will cease using the word ‘cracker’.”
But people have stopped using the word by and large. As have people stopped using the word n-gger, and other such slurs. At least in polite and public company, and in the media. In private contexts, among like-minded friends, people will always continue to use ignorant comments and statements, but that’s not the issue.
What’s at stake here is not whether any and all humans cease to use the word *at all*. But whether it’s socially acceptable to use such words in general.
When some hollywood star calls the paparazzi jerk who was in his face with a camera, a “f-ag”, people rightly call him out on it. We see articles in the news all the time showing instances where it’s not okay to ever use such words, even if in the heat of the moment, or in jest.
Similarly, it’s not okay to use the word t-ranny. People may always use it in private, and with intimate friends, and that’s perhaps where it belongs. Outside, in public, in open conversation, it has no place, as it is a slur.
And that’s the reason why people take issue with it.
Josh in OR
Thanks! And thanks for your response.
“But people have stopped using the word by and large.”
Everyone I know still uses the word ‘cracker’ in it’s original context – a dry, usually salty starch product for snacking. All I am saying is, why are some people demanding that ‘t-ranny’ stop being used in IT’S original context, which has nothing to do with transgendered people at all? Another example is the word ‘q-ueer’ which originally means simply ‘outside the norm’, and is still used in that context to no outcry when not used to refer to the LGBT community. We rightfully expect the OFFENSIVE use of the word to cease, but don’t demand that the original, non-offensive meaning stop being used.
“When some hollywood star calls the paparazzi jerk who was in his face with a camera, a “f-ag”, people rightly call him out on it. We see articles in the news all the time showing instances where it’s not okay to ever use such words, even if in the heat of the moment, or in jest.”
Agreed here, but again, the use here is an ignorant asshole in a deliberately negative context. The celeb calling a paparazzo (Admittedly the lowest form of life on the planet, and slur enough to simply use the proper term) ‘f-ag’ isn’t calling him ‘cigarette’. He’s calling him ‘f-ag’ in the clearly insulting context of the word, and they deserve to be called out for that, no matter how much they might do for the gay community otherwise.
‘T-ranny’ is not used by Ru, Candis, Bianca, Calpurnia or any other person in this argument to refer to transgendered individuals. It has never BEEN used by these people to refer to transgendered people, either. If RuPaul called someone a ‘dumb f-ucking t-ranny’ during a verbal assault – as in the case of a celebrity using ‘fag’ against a paparazzo – and CLEARLY intended it to insult and demean? Then hell yes, pile on Ru til she retracts and makes amends! But when she uses it to refer to other drag queens in the affectionate way it has been used for decades before ‘transgendered’ even entered the parlance? That is no different than using ‘q-ueer’, ‘f-ag’, ‘cracker’ or hell, ‘d-ike’ in the original context.
To tell EVERYONE in the world “Stop using this word entirely!” is a losing battle, guaranteed to ensure the word NEVER goes away. To ask instead for respect – and to GIVE respect when the word is NOT used in the negative context – is the best way to STOP the use of the word as a weapon.
Saralikesyarr
@Josh in OR: I appreciate your position Josh, it’s just that a c-racker is an actual food that people eat commonly. That’s actually a very different word than the slur insult that is used for white people. even though it’s spelled the same, it’s as different as saying a grizzly “bear” or I have to “bear” a heavy load. Just because the word is spelled and pronounced the exact same doesn’t mean it’s the same word.
You’re trying to say that there is such a difference with regard to this word, but there is not. The Straight community and the vast majority of people see no such distinction.
And that’s the issue. To them, such a distinction is so subtle, it’s not a distinction at all.
You have to realize there is a limit of how much we can educate people on issues without them actually becoming an expert on such issues themselves, which most people will not.
The issue is not getting “all people” to stop using the word *ever*. But it is making the point that it is no longer polite to use in polite conversation, in the media, out in public, etc.
And I think that is a valid point, and it is a slur, and so I think that’s okay to say.
A “drag queen” isn’t so visually different from a “transgender person” in the same way that a “white person”, is different from a “baked wheat square”.
There isn’t that kind of clear difference there for people. To outsider’s they are one and the same thing.
It’d be like trying to argue the difference to a non-tea drinker that there is a great distinction between sencha and genmaicha green tea. To them, “Tea is tea” and all the best they are going to be able to do is tell the difference between maybe “green tea” and “black tea”.
We’re not doing this for the sake of tea drinkers here. We’re doing this for the sake of those who are not, who do not understand such subtle (and to them they *are* subtle) differences.
There’s not some Grand Canyon of a gulf between these two things that make it clear to people.
DuchessOfMilton
@Nikkidane: Yes, by all means avoid using it towards transwomen. On the other hand, transwomen don’t get to decide how anyone else chooses to address and/or define themselves.
corvaspikenard
@Dee Omally: Actually Dee from what I have observed, you enjoy the attention. As you grow into your transition, I hope the need for constant validation declines.
And please don’t try to speak for those who have gone before you. Many of us do not share your views 🙂
Saralikesyarr
@Josh in OR: I guess a simpler way to put it Josh, would be to say that it’s not polite for people to use the word t-ranny in reference to any LGBT person, because the outside world does not see a difference between drag queens and transgender people.
You know, gay men can jump up and down with rage about that, but it’s just the truth. Outsiders do not (see such a difference).
And so we have to recognize that, and realize that that’s the case, and not pretend like it’s not a very real factor.
It’s not fair. But it is reality. And we have to deal with reality as it actually is, not as we’d ideally prefer it to be.
If the actuality of the situation is people don’t see a clear difference between drag queens and transgender people, that’s the reality we have to deal with. And we must accept that it may not be possible to get people to see such a difference either.
Dee Omally
It started with words used on TV that do contain slurring definitions. The words came down and all was right with the world. It flamed back up again when RuPaul and other drag performers, enraged at having lost the power fight, publicly went on the offensive in a very vulgar way.
Truth be told there is justification for the colorful history and also for curtailing the use of certain words in broadcasting with offensive meanings. We really are not in a place in society where the N word and other words have a place in the media. Of course many of us are adding the S and T words that are often part of gay and trans violence. Candis is entitled to say what she wants, but this isn’t about stifling private speech. Speech that is part of a TV broadcast is hardly private speech. The current context of this debate however is as I said due to an escalation that need not have happened.
corvaspikenard
@Saralikesyarr: If people can’t differentiate between you and a drag queen, you’re transition must be very unorthodox. Maybe lay off the eyeshadow? 🙂
Saralikesyarr
@corvaspikenard: You should read some of my previous comments. I do think it’s interesting how when somebody sticks up for transgender people there is an immediate assumption that they are transgender. 😉 As though no one can care about anyone else but the people themselves.
Saralikesyarr
@corvaspikenard:
Because, you know, surely no one has any friends or family or loved ones who are transgender that might compel them to stick up for the cause… *rolls eyes*
Just saying…
corvaspikenard
@Saralikesyarr: My point stands, regardless of whether or not you, personally, are transgender. If you (generic ‘you’) are being mistaken for a drag queen, then you should probably consider why.
Saralikesyarr
@corvaspikenard: It’s not a point. It has no relevance. You’re just being rude.
Have a nice day friend.
Nowuvedoneit
@corvaspikenard: oh snap a read!
corvaspikenard
@Saralikesyarr: “It’s not a point. It has no relevance.”
What you mean is that in you don’t think I have a point. I disagree and I’m sure other readers were able to get the point I was making.
In the interests of communication though, I’ll do my best to explain my point:
The only time I have an issue with the word ‘tr***y’ is when it is used in a derogatory way towards me. When it isn’t used in a derogatory way towards me (or other trans women) I have no issue with it.
As has been explained here on Qweerty over the last month or so, Drag Culture has a legitimate claim to this word.
Really, it is their word. It was applied to trans women long after it became common in drag culture.
That it is also used as a derogatory term for trans women doesn’t mean people within drag culture should have to stop using the word – it’s not their fault.
Your hangup over the word seems to be that drag culture being on mainstream TV means that the word may be used to refer to you, because people can’t tell the difference between the people on RuPaul’s show and ordinary trans women.
I have to call into question that assumption. I have yet to hear anyone equating the guys on Drag Race with trans women.
I don’t think your inference that ‘normal’ people can’t tell the difference is intellectually honest.
If people are indeed conflating a trans woman with someone from Drag Race then the trans person probably needs to tone down their makeup and/or clothing to avoid such confusion.
Some trans women do come from the drag world and possibly need to learn the art of dressing down – but those women aren’t the ones complaining about the word (Carmen Carrera being the exception here).
Frankly, the word doesn’t bother me unless someone gets in my face and says it in a threatening and derogatory way. Then I’ll tell them that what they are doing is unacceptable.
Being stealth, that’s not really an issue for me though.
If someone uses the word innocently and without any malice intended (i.e. RuPaul) then how about you stop freaking the fuck out about it and pursue some real villains, like the TERFs who are using it in a derogatory way?
Seriously, there is so much wasted effort over people using a word in a way that isn’t even malicious.
If you are offended every time you hear the word ‘tra***y’, regardless of context and intent, then you need therapy; not for everyone else to stop using it to make your cotton-wool world more cosy.
Being a trans woman is rough. I did my time being Out and it sucked.
But if you don’t grow a little mental fortitude and stop having a panic attack every time someone uses a word without any malicious intent, you’re very quickly going to end up dead with an empty bottle of pills beside you.
And that would be an awful thing to happen.
So stop giving the word power over you.
Josh in OR
@corvaspikenard: Amen. That was the point I tried making before. By letting the word have power over you, even when not used in any negative way and in it’s original context, you are just being too sensetive, no different than a lesbian demanding that the dutch change the name of the sea walls, or a white guy demanding that Nabisco change the name of their starchy, salty snack foods or the gay man demanding that Brits stop asking for cigarettes.
Words hurt, but only if you let them. People need to stop trying to police the use of words and stop letting ignorant assholes define their life for them.
corvaspikenard
@Josh in OR: Funny, related story:
I’m going to dinner next Friday at a particularly nice venue. A friend heard and said “Oh, I’m not allowed in there anymore.”
Now, she’s a very nice, older Scottish woman and I was stunned. I asked immediately “What happened? How on earth did you get barred from there?”
She replied, “Well, the first course was these little meatball things and the woman beside me asked, ‘What are these?’ and I replied ‘I don’t know what they are called here, but back home in Scotland we call them Faggots’.”
And at the moment she said that, the VERY gay waiter heard her, thought she was referring to his sexuality and got her kicked out.
Saralikesyarr
@corvaspikenard:
I must have struck a nerve. : )
As I said, you have a good day now. : )
Josh in OR
@corvaspikenard: Ha!
See, when I’m out, and I overhear someone say ‘faggot’, I roll my eyes and continue on about my day. And that’s the difference, I guess. People will use words, and we can’t stop everyone. What we can do is choose how we react and understand that maybe we’re not mind readers who know what they mean. For all I know, the person at the restaurant who said ‘faggot’ was a gay man himself, or one of those close, comfortable friends most of us have? I don’t know. I don’t care. It doesn’t affect my life. I only care if I’m seeing someone – or being that someone – getting attacked with the word. Then we got problems.
corvaspikenard
@Saralikesyarr: I must have struck a nerve. : )
I take it that the above statement means you have no valid rebuttal to my post.
If so, then I hope you will think on what I’ve said and consider revising your views on people using the word ‘tr***y’ 🙂
Nowuvedoneit
@corvaspikenard: Logic doesn’t work with people who feel threatened everyday by words. It has to do with their self worth. I’ve literally been told but there are people who don’t have thick skin we have to protect them, from being hurt. I don’t know I’ve been called callous because I think people are in charge of their own emotions but I guess they are not.
jbeau
I find sara’s characterization of an entire community (heterosexuals) to be offensive. As an NP seeing people of all ages in a very low income, resource poor neighborhood I have to say she couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve had conversations with MANY patients and most do know the difference between transgendered people and drag queens. I had a conversation with a mother who was coming to terms with her son being a drag queen and it took me all of FIVE MINUTES to explain the difference to her and she *got* it. So how about you stop being lazy and try educating people rather than calling them stupid and say a word needs to stop being used? Not using a word won’t change how they *feel* about you one iota. Period. The end. GOOD GOD GIRL GET A GRIP (and a clue).
The youngest patient I had that understood the difference was 5. So uh yeah, maybe you just suck at life and talking to people?
Saralikesyarr
@jbeau:
Well you know it’s okay if you’re offended. And you know I’m definitely glad to see that there are some younger people who know the difference! That’s always encouraging, this is why younger people don’t have the issues with LGBT rights that older people do, they often have a clue.
And you know, it’s okay to offend people and make generalizations. This is how we get things done in activism. Activists, wouldn’t be very good at their job, if offending people overtly bothered them. 😉 But you know, I’m glad you have a different perspective. And I’ve definitely seen it to be true otherwise. I’ve never thought it was young people who much needed educating on these matters anyway… *grins*
MrEguy
My TRÃNNY knows she better not start misbehaving or I’ll have to play rough. Take her down to the TRÃNNY shop and get her greased up, overhauled. Slap that TRÃNNY bitch back into shape. A 5 speed manual gets enough hands on attention as it is. A TRÃNNY should work and not cause trouble.