“More and more I’ve been feeling like even the question ‘Are you a top or a bottom?’ is passé,” blogger Rich Juzwiak writes in a new op-ed published on Gawker.
Versatility, he believes, is where it’s at. But he didn’t always feel that way.
For years, Juzwiak identified as a top. “But curiosity kept creeping up on me,” he says, “temping me to try what makes many a guy’s eyes roll back in his head uncontrollably.”
So he decided the give bottoming a try.
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“The first guy who ever fucked me I met via gay.com; I don’t remember his name. He lived on the inland of South Jersey, so that’s probably for the best,” Juzwiak writes. “He was a terrible top. He knew that I was inexperienced, but told me that I just needed to relax to enjoy the experience. I felt the white heat of pain in my butt the entire time.”
But he didn’t let that one bad experience dissuade him from trying it again. (With a different gentleman, of course.)
“Bottoming remained a crapshoot (pun intended),” he says. “It could be great; it could be massively painful; it could be uncomfortable enough to feel like a big waste of time.”
Then, in 2013, Juzwaik had a prostate exam. His doctor asked him, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a real tight ass?”
To which he replied: “Isn’t that a good thing?”
Juswaik’s doctor recommended exercises he try (including taking poppers) that might help him relax and enjoy bottoming more. Today, Juzwaik says he loves pounding just as much as getting pounded.
“One of the greatest things about being versatile is that you are potentially sexually compatible with anyone,” he writes. “I’d say I’ve topped in 75 percent of my casual encounters in the past two-and-a-half years. I was also in a relationship where I bottomed exclusively.”
“Finding your preferred sexual role…requires a deep level of introspection about something generally regarded as carnal,” Juswaik writes. “It requires work and experimentation to get it right.”
“But that work,” he concludes, “clearly, is loads of fun.”
What do you think? Is the notion of “top” and “bottom” passé? Sound off in the comments section below.
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Mattnatl
I read this article. One thing I take issue with is how he defines gay roles into top, bottom, and versatile. I, for one, don’t have anal sex. I’ve done it but I just find there are too many risk involved. I will say that dating is very hard when you don’t have anal sex. You will have a lot of nice dates with someone and then it goes to the bedroom and you say I don’t do anal and you never hear from them again.
Giancarlo85
Matt, I know how you feel.
I’m just me. Some will say versatile. But I don’t really do anal sex all that often. In fact very rarely. And yes I have a boyfriend. It just isn’t something that comes up. I find kissing, cuddling and foreplay all nicer. If someone is fixated on anal sex, certainly not my type and yes too many risks are associated with it. Wasn’t there an article on an increased cancer risk?
Paco
I try to be versatile, but usually end up as a top. Most of those “versatile” guys end up being bottoms that only top once every blue moon.
trelin
I find skeptic in the doctor that told him about his “tight ass” and recommending poppers for relaxation.
Ladbrook
I was versatile for decades, but went full-bottom in my late 40’s. My tastes changed over time, I guess, and I fully accept that they might change again in the future.
To each his own… there is no WRONG way to be gay unless you’re being asked to do something that you are personally not comfortable with or forcing someone to engage in activity that HE is uncomfortable with.
Exit question: why is this even a topic?
Ladbrook
@trelin: his doctor was probably an experienced bottom. His recommendation, however, was not wrong.
vive
Now if only my doctor could prescribe me REAL amyl nitrite instead of the garbage being sold as “poppers” lately.
Cam
@Giancarlo85: said… “I find kissing, cuddling and foreplay all nicer. If someone is fixated on anal sex, certainly not my type”
____________________________________________
If somebody is so blocked against it, it sounds like there may be an issue there.
Billy Budd
I love anal sex and I think gays in general should embrace it. I am a versatile bottom nowadays. 10 years ago, I was a versatile top. I’ve been enjoying bottoming more and more.
Giancarlo85
@Billy Budd: I don’t know why anybody should embrace it if it isn’t what they like to do. To each their own. If one wants to do it fine with me. But it isn’t really my thing.
wysevice27
@Giancarlo85:
“To each his own. If one wants to do it, fine with me.”
____________________________________________
Amen, man! Everyone should do what makes himself happy.
CoachS
@Ladbrook: “To each his own… there is no WRONG way to be gay unless…”
Spot on sir. Good on ya’. You hit the nail on the head: Why is this even still an issue?
spiffy
I don’t want to read about Rich Juzwiak’s sex life. I just want things the way they were, when he was recapping ANTM and chronicling his ex’s cat Winston.
tdh1980
I find it odd that suddenly everyone is going on about the joys of versatility. Not that anything’s wrong with it, but it’s such a random facet of gay sexuality on which to focus, particularly considering that ultimately, it’s inconsequential when there are so many guys out there who either are exclusively top or bottom or mostly one or the other and willing to trade off when so moved. Chances are that even those who claim complete versatility still prefer one over the other anyway.
MMDD
@Giancarlo85: “I find kissing, cuddling and foreplay all nicer.”
Yeah, but kissing, cuddling, and foreplay don’t give you an orgasm. What about oral? My hubby and I occasionally engage in anal (and we really enjoy it when we do), but more often than we get satisfaction exclusively from oral.
MMDD
@MMDD: Damn. I meant to say “more often than not…”
Giancarlo85
@MMDD: Not everything is about getting an orgasm. I find just holding a guy more satisfying. I guess I’m weird like that.
wysevice27
@Giancarlo85:
I think Andy Warhol said something similar.
Was Andy Warhol weird?
Giancarlo85
@wysevice27: your posts are a sloppy mess. I wasn’t saying anything about Warhol.
Charlie in Charge
Team versatile all the way – the sex is twice as long! My golden rule of sex: Anything you do to me, I am allowed to do to you. That rule met with some weird resentment more often than I would have thought possible but that cemented it for me as a rule I should follow.
The other benefit of being versatile, you get to see just how weird a lot of the value judgments people make about being a top or a bottom.
polarisfashion
I’m a versatile bottom, I guess topping or bottoming depends on the situation and the guy I’m with. I like both but prefer oral. Shooting off in some hot guys mouth is what makes my eyes roll back in my head!!!
DerekR
@wysevice27: right over his head…
Giancarlo85
@DerekR: Would work if his posts made any sense.
He’s a tool.
DerekR
@Giancarlo85: And you’re a douche with a serious know-it-all complex. Also you really have too much time on your hands…
wysevice27
@polarisfashion:
Or having a hot guy shoot of in your mouth!
Or in his own mouth! (Michael Hoffman, you have a call on line two, Michael Hoffman, line two.)
MMDD
@Giancarlo85: That’s not what I meant. Holding a man is very fulfilling for me too, along with lots of touching, kissing, etc. But ultimately I want my man to be sexually satisfied too.
polarisfashion
@wysevice27: yes I love that too!
MarionPaige
Isn’t topping like “manual labor”?
Giancarlo85
@MMDD: I am fulfilled doing the act of kissing and cuddling. Oral is fine… But definitely not necessary for me
I won’t respond to that other idiot.
MMDD
@wysevice27: “Or having a hot guy shoot of in your mouth!”
Now you’re talking my language! I do enjoy fucking a hot man ass, but nothing turns me on more than this.
Arcamenel
#TeamVers Yeah I recently came around to bottoming more despite many of my earlier experiences being more painful than anything.
Scribe38
I only date verse or bottom men. My one and only sex rule: don’t ask me to do anything for you that you wouldn’t do for me. Straight tops are a waste to me.
cflekken
If I had my choice, I’d find a lover who doesn’t need to be a top or bottom. Just someone who wants to be. In my latter years, I’ve evolved basically into an exclusive bottom because, for some reason, people expect me to be that and to be compatible, I’ve had to adapt. Maybe that sounds weird to some, but that’s my life. I’m attracted to certain types of men, and 98% of these men are tops. The whole process of preparation is unnatural and messy and, frankly, just inconvenient. It’s nearly impossible to be spontaneous with anal sex, at least for it to be truly enjoyable. And I say that from the perspective of being a top or bottom.
vive
@MarionPaige, if you find topping laborious instead of pure fun, then you are not a top (nor versatile).
orcanyc
Being versatile, great, but I don’t believe any Dr. would suggest taking poppers, there are better ways to open your hole.
orcanyc
@MarionPaige: LOL, Yes it is.
Cam
@Giancarlo85: said… “Not everything is about getting an orgasm. I find just holding a guy more satisfying. I guess I’m weird like that.”
——–
Or you’re a straight woman.
wysevice27
@Cam:
You made my morning right there, dude! 🙂
coffeeaugur
In my mind being non-versatile is like still dealing with mental issues of being gay and trying to fit into the societal roles of husband and wife / man and woman …. a little like a straight couple stuck with only performing the missionary position.
Giancarlo85
@Cam: Nonsense.
Awake Earthling
One thing most are not aware of is if you do NOT grab your schlong before the top starts… your hole muscles will relax. Most are grabbing away to get “more turned on” only to find it hurts more than ever. That is because your body naturally tightens your hole with each hand grab of your schlong. Try not grabbing at all until you are well underway and see what happens. You will find everything relaxes and it is an enjoyable experience.
Cee
@Awake Earthling: Guys who touch their junk when bottoming are amateurs. Not that I’m a pro…but I don’t touch my junk most times until I’m ready to cum. I don’t really like when dudes jerk off when I’m topping them either. It’s hot just to see the guy enjoy what you’re giving to him and not constantly jerking off while he’s getting it.
Billy Budd
@Cee: That is nonsense. It is common sense that you should jack off while being topped and especially when you are about to cum.
MMDD
My hubby never touches his d*ck while I’m topping him. He’s totally into the pleasure of the f*ck and gets more turned on by my orgasm. Sometimes he’ll pr*c*m quite a bit. He usually c*ms afterward, although sometimes I have jacked him off while I was f*cking him.
Ultimately it really doesn’t matter though. Whatever you do in bed with your partner, as long as you’re both into each other and both enjoying the experience, there should be no rules about what you should or shouldn’t do.
(Sorry for the asterisks. I don’t know which words triggered that annoying “Your comment is awaiting moderation” message.)
vive
@Awake Earthling, @Cee, @Billy Budd, @MMDD,
The most mind-blowing way of bottoming BY FAR is while topping a third at the same time. It is called the “Lucky Pierre.”
You haven’t really lived until you have been the Lucky Pierre.
dannyal
i used to be so averse to bottoming because i would constantly worry that i would make a mess. i did wonder why some times it was absolutely clean, and other times it was pretty disgusting. So i did some personal experimentation with it, and i really believe the answer to that is in our diet.
Everytime I eat fibre rich diet, my bottoming experience is spotless to unnoticeable. So try that. Avoid starchy food like potato, white bread and white rice if you can. They work the opposite of what fibre should in terms of our stool and bowel movement. But yeah, make sure you do number two at least once a day which should be effortless if you eat fibre rich diet. just wanna share that with my fellow bottoms who are worried about mess like i was. haha. hope it works for you too.
Joshua
@coffeeaugur: Oh I couldn’t have said it better! I am so sick of guys saying they are bottom as of that is an acceptable answer to letting me ride them in exchange for satisfying the
As long as they want! Im Vers, and I honest don’t understand what the big deal is asking a man to use their equipment; our bodies were made to “top;” is it really so bad? Im still trying to get an answer as to what the big fracking deal is.
TSizzle
I call bullshit on any doctor that recommends poppers. A good top can get you relaxed and loose without poppers.
TSizzle
@orcanyc: AMEN. A real top knows how to make that happen.
Volvoguy
makes no difference , top or bottom, what feels good for the two partners is the main thing.
the main thing in all this discussion , is to wear protection always always and always.
feeling good will always follow.!
Matt
That doctor is a sick pervert.