Queerty had a chance to chat with up-and-coming queer stand-up comedian and author, Jordan Pease, seen here in his tight purple American Apparel undies. Surely, he’s gone through several three packs while spending the past seven months touring the country.
We talked to the funny guy over Skype. He’s currently in Southern California taking a break between shows.
We managed to chat about everything from Twinkies (the junk food, not the boys), to his current tour, to his alarming number of recent heterosexual sex dreams.
After an eight month hiatus, Twinkies are making a comeback. They’re back on store shelves as of Monday.
I am a Twinkie fiend. There’s something comforting about the word Twinkie. I don’t know if it’s because I’m gay and I’m used to hearing “twink.” I remember in high school we did this study in Chemistry class where we left Twinkies unwrapped for six months. And after six months, rats still wouldn’t eat the Twinkies because they had such awful chemicals and preservatives in them. I, on the other hand, will chew through the wrapper of a Twinkie.
You seem to wear a number of different hats. You’re a comedian, an author, an occasional rabble rouser. How would you describe yourself in just a few words?
I am a prostitute to the world of comedy. If I’m not on the road bouncing from New York to Texas to L.A., I’m writing for another comedian.
You’ve been on a seemingly endless tour. How’s that going?
It’s nonstop. I feel like I’m going through menopause. I’m tired, I’m irritable, I’m constantly having hot flashes, but I love it. I love being on the road. There’s something so comforting about it. Like a Twinkie.
What’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you at a show?
Not too long ago I did a show in Ontario, California and a woman and her husband came up to me and asked if I wanted to have a three-some with them.
Did you go through with it?
No. I was all nervous and sweating and like “This is my card. This is my e-mail address. We’ll try and figure something out.” Then I ran for the van.
Any other crazy things happen?
I got banned from an Econo Lodge in Portland. It was me and two other comics. We tried to hotbox the bathroom thinking that the smoke alarms wouldn’t go off. They ended up busting through our door. It was so over the top.
That’s a really good segue into my next question, because I wanted to get your opinion on some current celebrity events and my first question was about Miley Cyrus. She recently admitted that she loves smoking pot. Would you ever get high with her?
Oh my god. I can’t wait until I’m famous enough to party with Miley Cyrus. She’s hitting the game hard right now. Her new music video made me a little nervous. By the looks of her, I’d say she’s hitting more of the cocaine than the weed lately.
The Disney princess has gone wild.
My dream is to hang out with Miley Cyrus and make her hit rock bottom. That could be my career high: Hitting rock bottom with Miley Cyrus.
Speaking of rock bottom, Lindsay Lohan is in court-appointed rehab right now.
I feel like mosquitos probably bite Lindsay Lohan and get wasted. What credit card company has not blocked her credit limit yet for all these rehab facilities?
Is there any female celebrity you would turn straight for?
Do you know what’s so weird? I have been having ridiculous amounts of heterosexual sex dreams and it’s scaring the shit out of me. It must be all the Advil PM I took while I was on tour. And do you know who they’re constantly with?
Lana del Rey. I see her and I’m like: “I would hit it.” I know that’s the filthiest thing ever, but I think she’s gorgeous. I like how she has this curvy, awesome body and she’s kind of filthy. All her lyrics are about doing cocaine and getting hit up in the ass. I just feel like having sex with her would be kind of like having sex with Marilyn Monroe.
Follow Jordan on Twitter @jordanpease1.